Tales from the dark and twisted grave

horror survival guide

So let's get one thing straight, YOU ARE STUPID! got it, got it. Now the only reason you could be reading this is because you did something incredibly stupid, like maybe you got a cursed lamp with a jinn, or a gome, or gods forbid you took a leprechaun's gold, maybe you inherited a home with a sketchy past. hell you might have summoned a demon, or went somewhere you shouldn't have. (im talking to you dave and that stupid theme park.) and now your cursed, possesed, turning into a monster, or the voices are getting louder. Don't you wish you had a guide earlier, well here it is now. let's get started, and hopefully you can save what little santy you have left, or hell best chance save yourself from a horrible death. Hey, a padded room is better than a grave plot. Now let's get started.

1) MIRRORS ARE FOR HELPING SEE YOUR REFLECTION, don't use them for summoning things, like demons or ghosts, or use them without a light and definitely not in an asylum.

2) WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING IN AN ASYLUM ANYWAY! Unless you belong there, or have someone to visit then don't go to one, especially an abandoned one or one that closed down for mysterious reasons.

3) that game you got from the yard sale, yeah the one without a label and instead the name is written on it in sharpie. GET RID OF IT! don't even try to put it in your gaming system. it could be corrupted or worse ... cursed. and you don't need a little ghost boy destroying your animal crossing island.

4) when looking to move or travel, for the love of all that lives, TALK TO A TRAVEL AGENT! like seriously, and try to refrain from using back roads you don't know. oh and google is your best friend, USE IT!

5) when buying used stuff.... ASK ABOUT IT! "where did you get it?" "was it a good buy?" if they say "i don't know" or "it comes from a thrift store" consider not buying it, like rule 3, it could be cursed.
be careful of overly friendly neighbors, they could be NPCs, killers, or worse...... conspiracy theorists. And you really don't want to get into a conversation with a flat earther, or a lizard person.

6) if you don't know what you are eating or drinking.... SPIT IT OUT! don't put random food or drink in your mouth! if you are at someone's house, ask them what they made, and be careful, you don't want to end up on the menu.

7) say it with me people..... DON'T TAKE CANDY FROM A STRANGER! I thought we learned this in kindergarten, stranger danger and fire safety, all that good and fun stuff but it looks like we have to be reminded. and sometimes we can't even take candy (or cupcakes) from so called friends. be careful, if it smells funny, don't eat or drink it.

8) if it sounds too good to be true, then it is, and don't sign anything in blood, if its a legit document, they will accept black or red ink. and please READ WHAT YOU ARE SIGNING! even the small print, that's how they get you.

9) Disneyland is the most magical place, fun and exciting. But you need to listen to the employees, don't go anywhere you're not supposed to, and if you notice a strange mascot, ignore it, DO NOT FOLLOW IT! Follow the rules and you'll have the best time of your life.

10) When exploring places. DON'T TAKE ANYTHING OR DESTROY ANYTHING IN THE PLACE, and consider the place your exploring, and again do research before you go, you don't want to go somewhere that no one has come back from, or accidently discover a dead body or witness a murderer.

11) Be careful of children, especially kids alone at night. They could be a trap, or something else more dangerous.

12) Don't go to abandoned places, hospitals, schools, especially malls, restaurants, NOT EVEN MCDONALD'S PLAY PLACES! And for the love of gods STAY OUT OF RIVER COUNTY! There is a reason It's blocked off.

13) There is zero chance of survival if you look at the thing your not supposed to look at, or answer it's question incorrectly.

14) Under any circumstances DO NOT SUMMON DEMONS! Even if they offer you unlimited wealth or happiness, again nothing is worth your soul.