౨ৎ 𝙬𝙝𝙮 𝙘𝙖𝙣'𝙩 𝙄 𝙝𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 .ᐟ | Self-insert | ( 𝓥𝓔𝓝𝓣 )

1

" 𝙒𝙝𝙤'𝙨 𝙅𝙤𝙚? "

" 𝙅𝙤𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚, 𝙄 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙮. 𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙞𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩'𝙨 𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙪𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝. "

For as long as I can remember, Kyoka has always been a person who has impressed me. I prayed that I would be worthy of her attention and attention, that I would be able to be like her, that I would be able to be as good a person as she was. I still remember our first meeting, maybe I don't remember exactly how it happened, but I remember the emotions I felt then.  She'll probably never know, but it's always been the meaning of my life. Or I just wanted her to be.

She told me many times about how many people professed their love for her and how much it hurt her to reject such confessions. She was incapable of loving, and neither was I, or so I thought. But I still lost and dedicated my whole heart to her. I can't count how many thoughts I had about her.

I remember the first day we met, I proposed to her that we commit suicide together. After a few short months, she agreed, even giving me a specific time of year and month. There is a month left before the date when we are supposed to commit suicide together. I know we're not going to make it. We don't talk to each other like we used to, she cut off contact with me for a few months because she lost interest in me.

We've been talking for a few weeks now, not the same as we used to. It feels like we're different people, we've gotten to know each other again. We weren't the same people we used to be. 

My friends and her former friends kept asking what had happened and why we weren't seen together anymore, but I didn't answer. Without her, I felt like nobody. We both complemented each other, I felt like I couldn't exist without her. But she quickly replaced me, as did all her predecessors.

It was then that I realized that I was not made to live in society, that I was not destined to live in a group. People quickly lost interest in me and abandoned me, replacing me.

I was, and still am, mentally ill, and I wonder if she is too. I suspect that she had too big a heart for other people, so they hurt them easily. She was a hypocrite, she told me not to be so nice to everyone and not to give everyone a separate place in my heart, because eventually they would use it against me. She was the same.

I think we will all appreciate what we had only if we lose it. It was the same with me, I was getting myself to the point where I ended relationships with a lot of people, and after the breakup, I started to feel empty, like I didn't have a heart.

The fact was that I needed a person who would last with me for the rest of my existence. I'd love to shout Kyoka in her face how much I appreciate what she's done and what a great person she is.

She was always excited and happy when she had a chance to talk to me, so I quickly noticed how cold she was getting around me and how far away we were.

 If I could, on the day we broke up, I'd like to tell her everything I didn't happen during our relationship.

She was the only person I cried for as soon as she told me she had lost interest in me.

My sins were too grievous for her to bear, and her kindness was too overwhelming for me to bear.

I'm sorry.