౨ৎ 𝙬𝙝𝙮 𝙘𝙖𝙣'𝙩 𝙄 𝙝𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 .ᐟ | Self-insert | ( 𝓥𝓔𝓝𝓣 )

2.

" 𝙄𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢𝙨, 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙪𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙚 𝙖𝙙 𝙖𝙨𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙚 𝙞𝙛 𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙩𝙧𝙮 𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣. "

I never thought that my feelings and actions would come full circle and be repeated. I've had a lot of friendships and relationships, but what I had in common with Kyoka was the best experience I've ever had. I'd like to tell her one day what a big change she's made on me and how much I wish we could get to know each other again. 

You could say she was the right person, but she met me at the wrong time. As she said, I learned that if it hadn't been for our meeting, she would have considered ending her life. Now I'd say that if she hadn't come into my life, I probably wouldn't be here anymore. Thanks to her, I've changed, it's not for me to judge whether it's for better or for worse, but I've changed. I've met a lot of wonderful people with whom I keep in touch to this day, they are almost like family to me.

However, I still feel the pain and emptiness in my heart.

They say that we only always appreciate things or people when they disappear from our lives. They're right, every time I've lost someone close to me, I've kept thinking about them and praying that I'll meet someone who will save my soul from this cruel world. I can't maintain a healthy and stable relationship with another person, so I'm likely to hurt a lot of people in this way.

Kyoka was my savior, my angel who would save me from this hell we call life!

However, this did not happen, I refused to soar into the sky and remained cursed, an eternal devil who cannot be saved. I've seen Kyoka try many times to get me help, but I never accepted the offer.

But I promise this, I'll find something or someone else that will make me happy and I can share the better and worse with that person. Someday I'll be a good person, at least by my behavior, not by my psyche. After all, that's probably what Kyoka wants. To be happy and to make others happy.

At this point, I don't have my ray of light that Kyoka used to be. I hope to be able to eclipse it again. With a few months left until the holidays, that means I'm going to have to fulfill the suicide pact I made with her the first day we met. It's been months since my mental and physical state deteriorated, almost two years ago, and I realized how much I craved freedom and warmth in my heart. How much I would like to commit suicide with a person who cares about me and I care about her.

I've always thought the idea of dying alongside another person was romantic, and Kyoka was a bit baffled in my opinion. But after a few months of our acquaintance, she decided that she wanted to do it. She wants to die with me this summer, she gave her ideas of it, but now that I know she's dating someone else, I think I'm going to die alone with my thoughts.

I've heard that after death, the brain spends 7 minutes replaying the greatest moments of our lives. I pray that during these 7 minutes of the last moments of my miserable and miserable life I will be able to see the sweet face of my beloved.