Lost Smile

06.

I went straight to my room--the fight with Tia--I shook my head to dismiss the thoughts. I need a good night's sleep for my tour tomorrow. I don't want to look shabby for the conference.

I pushed the door of my room only to find it open. Strange. Then my eyes fell on the figure sitting up on the bed. Om. A soft smile took over my features. He was waiting for me? My heart warmed at the prospect. He was.

I put the blazer on the back of the chair before taking a seat beside him. Om broke out of the trance that he was in before he turned to look at me. His eyes were glistening with guilt and regret. I closed my eyes for a moment before passing him a reassuring smile. Om's eyes have always been expressing, he knew it was about their fight. And strangely enough he didn't feel anything about it. It was not new. Because whenever they talked. They ended up arguing. I wasn't expecting anything different that day, though I really hoped that he would trust me enough to open up. We didn't have any common ground between us. But that's what makes us unique no?

He was looking ahead blankly. I sighed. "Go to sleep Om. I am tired." I didn't want to be left alone but just sitting there in silence was making him feel uneasy. It reminded him that they have grown so apart that they can't even express their vulnerabilities among each other. Earlier it had been so easy. I wondered what changed?

The scene felt awfully familiar to me. The night I was leaving the country to join the university. Rudra fell asleep crying, while Om just stayed with me until I had to leave. He just stayed. We didn't speak a word once that night, but we understood everything.

I miss that. I miss our bond. But alas, not all the things could be treasured forever. Not even what we shared. Now we are reduced to brothers who contradict everything we strive to be.

He views the world as a monochrome while I see it as a myriad of colors. There's good and bad in everything. That creates the balance and keeps the clock of nature ticking. He was naive. Or- he wouldn't understand until he faced this. For that he holds me guilty, for being so cruel, it's just not in my hands. If I won't be cruel to my rivals. The world will throttle his business and it's just not his life attached to it. His family's too. And thousands of others. He can't disregard that.

My phone buzzed and I briefly knew who it could be calling so late at night.

"Excuse me-" I said, Om looked up and nodded. Swiping my phone I walked a few feet away.

Tia K. calling........

"Of course." I muttered to myself before picking up her call.

There was a momentary silence between both of us. Before she spoke up. Keeping her voice soft, she spoke, "Look--whatever I said in the car-I didn't mean it." I took a deep breath. "It's just that it was our date and you ruined it by inviting her."

It was already a ruined date, I merely invited her to save it. I wanted to tell her that. But I couldn't. Instead what left my mouth was a soft sorry. There was a satisfied hum on the other side. "Come back." I briefly glanced at the clock. Thirty seven minutes passed eleven. It's already late. But for some reason the tone of her voice made it seem that it's a bad idea to refuse.

"It's already late-" I spoke.

"I was not asking. I am telling you." And the call was hung up. I looked back at Om. He was looking at me expectantly. I grabbed my blazer. His eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Kaha jaa raha hai?" He asked. Shivaay sighed. "Tia's." Annoyance colored his features as he regarded Shivaay with cold eyes.

"Didn't you come from there? You didn't return home for two days." For some reason it made me feel happy, at least his absence was noticed.

"Rudra needed your help." I couldn't hold the sigh at that. Well, perhaps not. But it was better than living with your family, your loved ones yet spending your life in anonymity. If such things reminded them that he was there, then who was he to complain?

He felt like an outsider in his own family. Like he was being kept there for a particular reason and as soon as the reason is fulfilled he will be thrown away like a used doll.

I watched as Om's expression darkened.

"You are barely home nowadays." He spoke. His expression was somber. "Yeah?" I couldn't help but ask. Even though I was, nobody bothered to come for a talk, well not unless they needed anything. Well that's fine. I have come to terms with those conditions, if it managed to keep my family close to me then so be it.

He scoffed. "I-i will be back tomorrow morning." I spoke hastily to avoid the bad blood that was to ensue but he didn't say anything. "I hope you remember that you have a family too. Instead of spending all your time with your girlfriend and at the office you could put some attention over here as well."

I froze at his words. I turned back. He was glaring at me. Remember that I have a family? Do I have one really? Isn't family the one who looks after one and another? Why was it only him in this case? I remember that very well, Om. It is you that have forgotten.

I go back to her because there is no one here to welcome me. I don't feel comfortable at my own home! How twisted is that? I spend my time at the office so I could keep this loneliness that is eating me away from inside at bay. But you never cared. Nobody ever does. And now when I am finally used to living my life like this! You are accusing me? This is not fair on my side. I wanted to say all those words to him. But I couldn't.

He didn't wait for my reply and stormed out of the room. His shoulder bumped into mine as he walked out of the door. I sighed, running my hand through my hair. I messed up again didn't I? Well done, Shivaay. He was waiting for you and you managed to ruin the moment yet again.

I grabbed the car keys. And exited the mansion.

When I arrived at the shared apartment, I was welcomed with the odour of the alcohol. I wrinkled my nose as I walked inside locking the door behind me. Bottles were lying around the house.

Is she drunk?

And then I heard a giggle. Her hands wrapped around my torso from behind and she giggled. And hiccuped. If possible both at the same time. She walked forward and placed a smooching kiss on my lips. My face scrunched up at the strong smell of alcohol that was oozing off her. How much did she drink exactly? And why.

I turned my face away before she could plant another kiss. I wasn't in the mood for it. "I knew you would come here." She grinned.

"You would come here every single time." She jabbed him in the chest as she spoke those words. "After they leave you alone." I sighed.

"You are drunk, Tia. You don't know what you are saying." I said as I took her to the bedroom. She shook her head. "Nuh-uh. Trust me, one day you will have no one by your side. Except me. Because I love you so much."

I rolled my eyes. "You are drunk."

"I know. Very well." She sighed as I pushed her into the bed.

"Come." She called. "I will. After I clean up this mess that you have created." But she was already asleep by that time. It took me another two hours to clean the mess that she has created around the house.

I sighed and took a blanket off the bed and reclined against the couch. Rubbing my face with my hands I looked up at the ceiling. Only one thought crossing my mind. What has my life come to?