GLITCH ! | w. scobell

xxvii. "we can't do this"

IN REAL LIFE

JULIET HAD NEVER FELT SO much anxiety as she felt stepping into Leah's house. Her and Ophelia had arrived in LA that morning, spending the majority of their day in the house since Leah's was at night due to it being a dinner. That led to Juliet being here, feeling her heart fight against her ribs attempting to escape her chest.

        She looked over at Charlie who had let her in, Leah was in an intense debate with Dior and Walker, "Char, maybe this was a really bad idea. He probably doesn't want to see me." She felt Ophelia push her forward forcing her through the door as Charlie shot her his most reassuring smile, "Jules, he wants to see you. You'll always be best friends. You just need to talk to him, that's all."

"I doubt he really wants to talk to me," Juliet forced herself to walk into the house, blocking out the noise of Charlie and Ophelia talking to each other. She could only hear her own heartbeat as she walked to the living room of Leah's house, noticing the way everything in it just emanated happiness. She wished she could soak it all, give herself the courage to face this. She let Charlie and Ophelia walk past her, the living room a few steps away.

All of the noise came back once she took a deep breath and stepped in, hearing the cheers of almost all her friends. Aryan was the first to run over, "The best girl is here!" He engulfed her in a hug, causing her to laugh. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Leah came over next, "Can you let her go? My turn, Aryan!" This began the rounds of hugs from everyone, ending with Juliet sitting on the couch with Dior on top of her.

She ignored the way her heart broke as Walker didn't even acknowledge her, didn't even bother to look at her. She understood. Really, she did. But, they were in the same room. Was it so hard to give her a smile? That's all she really wanted, she just wanted to know he still thought of her.

The group engulfed themselves in a conversation to occupy time until they were supposed to eat. Juliet sat and watched, occasionally throwing in a word or two. It almost felt normal, almost. Except for the fact that whenever she spoke, Walker wouldn't look at her. He wouldn't look at anyone, in fact. It'd be like his mind went to another planet for a bit, and he'd stare at the floor until conversation peaked his interest again.

Every time he'd do it, she'd almost feel bad for speaking. She knows she shouldn't, this is her friend group too, but she'd already hurt the boy enough. She'd rather sit in silence and have him than cause him to feel like however he was feeling. She'd do anything to know how he felt, but she knew she'd never know.

Dior leaned down to whisper in her ear before dinner, "Are you gonna talk to him?" Juliet shrugged, looking only at Walker, "I don't think he wants me to." Juliet felt Dior laugh, it was quiet and couldn't help but make Juliet smile, "He always wants you to talk to him. Even when you're fighting, dingus." "Maybe I will, after dinner."

IT WAS ALMOST MIDNIGHT WHEN Juliet finally got the courage to walk over to Walker and ask to go outside and talk. The group was mainly in Leah's basement, not paying attention and half asleep. When she asked, all he did was softly smile and nod, following Juliet as they walked outside.

       It was cold, it reminded her of the night they confessed to each other. Except this time, she didn't have his hoodie and she knew this wouldn't end well. They sat on the edge of the patio, the little lift allowing Juliet to curl into herself. She took a deep breath, preparing herself to say everything she had wanted to say, but all she could do was say, "Hi." Walker seemed to soften up, smiling at her, "Hi, Juliet."

       "So, how have you been?" Juliet wanted to slap herself for the stupid question. Here she was, talking to the light of her life, the only guy she genuinely ever thought about, so she could apologize; and all she could say was that. Walker shrugged, "I'm doing swell. Great, even. Really. How are you?" Juliet followed suit with the shrugging, "I would also say swell, swimmingly even. I— I've missed you, Walk." And that was when everything shifted.

        The air seemed to thicken, tensions increasing, and Walker stiffened up. He wasn't sure what did it, the way she said his nickname, or the fact she actually missed him. He couldn't fathom the fact that she had moved on, but also couldn't believe she actually missed him. He missed her, more than he ever knew he would, but it was like the words were caught in his throat. If he admitted it, maybe she'd know how he felt. How he regretted it all, regretting telling her how he felt. Regretted letting her know that maybe they should just be friends, but not really be friends at all. He hated being so regretful of it all, but he wished that he never did any of it. It all changed so much, it all ruined him. He loved her so much, and it would never stop ruining him.

         So instead, he simply looked away, "Me too, Juliet." The words felt like poison coming out of his mouth, and he regretted it the minute he said it. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her deflate. He couldn't do this. He couldn't do any of this. All of it, it was too much. He just didn't know how to tell her, didn't know how to say that his feelings for her were controlling his life. He couldn't go a day without thinking about her, couldn't go an hour without bringing her up in conversation. His friends were beginning to hate how much he talked about her, and he was starting to hate it all too.

        "We can't do this, you and me," Walker dug his fingernails into his palms, grounding himself. Juliet looked at him, her voice breaking as she spoke, "Walks, what?" Walker stood up, causing her to follow suit, "Juliet, we can't do this." He pointed between the two of them as he spoke, his tone almost angry. "I still don't understand, Walker. You need to explain what you mean," Juliets own voice was pleading. He was beginning to hate her for not knowing what he meant, even if he wasn't explaining himself. This was all too much.

        "Juliet, I told you we can't do this. We can't talk to each other, we can't be friends. You decided to lie, and I get it, you're happy with Dylan. I'm happy for you, at least I'm trying to be," Walker ran his hands through his hair. "But I can't be your friend. I can't do this, it hurts. It hurts me, and I can't do this with you. I can't hurt myself just to— just to have a friend. Because, I still feel the same way." Juliet stared at his as he rambled, her mouth dry. She didn't know what to say, didn't know how to respond.

        "You have to understand that I'm sorry, Walk—," Walker cut her off with a wet laugh, almost like he was crying. "Sorry doesn't fix everything, Juliet. You knew how I felt about you. I didn't fail to show it, tell you, everyday," Walker turned away, walking back inside. And he left her there, standing alone.

CLEM,
had to do it to em