fates intertwined : Letting In.

the reasons

I get up from my bed ..feeling weak . I took the bowl in my hands cus this time my father wasn't there to comfort me . He was furious with me for not taking care of myself...I ate few spoons of porridge and then felt like vomiting..tears got filled in my eyes as I felt.

Hopeless.

Useless.

Like a trash.

After few minutes I got a phone call ..I saw the caller ID..it says avani ...
I didn't picked it up cus I felt I will be a burden to her as well ...my all three friends were always there for Me and I hated myself for distancing myself from them ...

But she called me three times and finally I gave up..

"Hello"...I said in a low tone ..

"Annyong...and now say it back you bitch...you make this our usual greeting and now you are saying hello !!"...I laughed at her annoyed tone ..

"Okay annyong ...what happened "...I said pretending like everything is fine.

" get ready me and niya are on our way to pick you up we are going to hangout and that's it ..." she said In a speed of light.

"But....." I said In a low tone knowing that she might be furious with me if I said no ...
Like everyone else ...they might me thinking I am overreacting about what happened.
They might me judging me ......

"Do you lost your voice of your mind madam ??".....she joked "be ready by 4:00 "

"Okay...".....she cuts the call ....it might me wrong if I say she is happy ....she have more problems than I do ..this makes me respect her so much that I can't deny anything she ask for ....she is like my another sister..I am the youngest among my all friends..

I opened the door of my room slightly finally after three weeks ..my father looked at me with the same pleading eyes he did three years ago ..

" are you going somewhere??"..he asked me in a low tone ..."yes" I said .."avani is coming and ...."I didn't said anything and he nodded as he understood me without saying a word ...

" enjoy your time " he smiled in relieve..." I know you won't listen to me but ....it's okay ..don't overthink "...I hummed in response and get ready for meeting them ..

...............

"What happened??...you again overthink your marks right ??" Kyung sook signed looking at my face

"No ..I didn't...I just needed some time alone ..nothing else..."I said more like whispering.

"Stop hiding things from us will you??"..niya said almost scolding me .

"I can't be friends with you if you'll keep acting like this babygirl ..understand " avani said while joking...

"Okay so let's ruin our friendship and get married "Kyung sook said while laughing...

"Shut up ! Will you ?? ...I don't want to be a part of lgbtq++ and she is already yoongi's wife..right ??" She said teasing me ...

A smile appeared on my face as I saw them fighting for nothing...I wanted to tell them the reason but it was a unnecessary reason.

I was going through my downfall ..nothing was going right ..neither I could focus on my music nor I could study ...I was just stuck in between the things. Suddenly a male voice approached us .

"Hey sia" .. he said shyly "can I join you guys??" He asked politely.

Niya narrowed her eyes in his direction and nodded as yes and I saw a wild smirk appeared on Kyung sook's face .

"Ohh sure buddy but be careful she might eat you .." actually she knew that he likes me and I was not ready to give him a chance . But she want me to forget things which bothered me and be relaxed for sometime ...but how come a relationship can help in these things .

" thanks " he said . He was looking at me continually which was making me uncomfortable..

" hey I think we should get something to eat ...." avani said while getting up from her chair and grabbing niya's arm ..

" okay " i said In a low tone ...but after few seconds Kyung sook got a call and she left as well ...now it was only two of us . He opened his mouth to say something but I took out my buds and tug it in my ears .

"Hey" he said and took out earphones from my ears making me shock for a while ..

" I know you can listen to me ....don't avoid it like that ..I wanted to tell you something "
He said as his breathe hissed.

"I like you"...he finally said it and I don't know how to react .

"I..I...do..n't....think ....you should be liking me , you have other better options " I shutter as all my insecurities took over me .

" I knew it that you'll say this ..do you even live in real world sia ?? I don't think so ....stop being delusional about things. Face the reality. Stop being a coward and stop running away from yourself !"...he said a little loud making me flinch ....

" I am not " I said in a calm voice ....he got up after facing rejection for the third time ..he was furious...because of me .

Why do my words hurt everyone??...am I that selfish? .....nobody deserves me . A tear escape from my eyes as I felt broken again .

I got up from my chair and leave the restaurant. My vision was blurry because of tear ..why it's my fault if I can't like someone back .......I am the one to blame for everything..

I felt like looser .

I wish I could leave this world .

And die .

Or just someone takes me away .

I truly wish to forget everything and leave this world ....

I truly wish to escape from reality..from everyone.

Suddenly I felt my body floating in air as I got hit by a car ...I felt a warm liquid running down from my head ....people were calling God's name maybe it was a critical accident....

Finally.

I am going to die .

I shut my eyes ...feeling my lashes becoming heavier due to tears ....avani was should my name and them I felt my body numb ..

I was dead .

Or maybe.

Half dead .