✓ Lovingly Yours -- Scaramouche

unsent 4

Dear Kuni,

Have I ever told you what cancer I had? Leukemia. It's risky and dangerous for people with Leukemia especially at a stage like this to get hurt even just a small bruise.

Well not exactly, the cancer just messes with the healing process of the injury.

That's why Kaeya transferred into the room with me, he was supposed to watch over me because he was guaranteed to be cured, he was told he wasn't, but the doctors told me.

They knew I had a big chance of dying, and that's why they took extra care of me.

Scaramouche, after I sent my 599th letter, I found a knife. It was in the room with me and no one took it, no one looked for it, no one noticed it, except for me.

Scaramouche, I picked it up and hid it, I kept the knife.

I was tempted to end it all, but I know I couldn't because I didn't want to stop loving you, I didn't want to stop existing because I knew I wouldn't be able to see you again.

For almost two weeks of losing my mind over you, after that 599th letter I sent you.

Scaramouche I cut myself. I'm surprised how the nurses weren't able to detect the cut, it was small but deep, deadly.

Scaramouche, even if I didn't do this, I would still die. I know that deep down, Kaeya knows I'm dying. And I'm tired.

No matter how many times I try to convince myself that you'll be here, that everything will go back to normal, it doesn't work, because I know it won't go back to normal.

I would live a bit longer if I didn't cut that day, if I didn't bleed that much, to which the doctors and nurses didn't notice, if I just stood still and didn't do anything.

I tried, I tried so hard to find myself in the pit of darkness you hid me in. I can't get out, I love you so much, I can't let you go, but I need to let go.

I'm not sure if I'll hurt many people once I die, but I hope that maybe once I do disappear you'll at least write to me.

Scaramouche, please update me, even if I'm dead or not.

Kazuha doesn't talk to you and doesn't want to talk to you anymore, which pains me even more.

The only update I got from him was, "he's still a jerk."

Scaramouche. I'm dying even faster, and I'm scared, I'm scared not of death, but I'm scared of not being able to hold you again.

You were the first thing that brought happiness to me, and the last. The last to take it away from me.

I'm sorry. But either way, I'm dying.

With utmost love
-Y/N