Stuck with myself

Hello

(I've chosen not to do Nick and Charlie because I don't want to ruin the beautiful Alice story)

(This is about a girl called lily who then becomes a trans boy called Louis this is his journey figuring himself out)

I scroll on instagram looking at all the pictures that pop up a mixture of things do such as Omar Rudberg, Nicholas Galitzine and some arctic monkeys content. Most days this is all I do scroll scroll and scroll some more I'm not very good with people my age or any age actually I don't have the courage to talk to people if that makes sense hope it does. I've always felt you know different then other children I realised at a young age I was more mature that others and well I still do now. I live in grotty old London all it's famous for is it's rain some people think it's a privilege living in London well guess what I don't it's awful it's cold and wet even in the summer. I think a lot too about things most children my age don't even know about about stuff I don't need to worry about but I do anyways I'm an other thinker another thing to add to my list of things that are wrong with me. Raindrops hit against my window as I'm laying on my bed I'm staying at my mums tonight my parents split up two years ago they couldn't Stand each other anymore And I couldn't stand their arguing anymore so it's a win win I guess. Most people I tell feel sorry for me and I don't seem why I guess u assume a child with divorced parents have been through some crazy shit guess their not wrong in some ways but people shouldn't assume what I've been through anyway. I don't really know what I'm saying because I don't really have anyone to tell this to anyway apart from my cat whiskers she's adorable she's got grey fur and bright ocean blue eyes that stare at you when you don't give her attention. I rest my hand on whiskers back and I rub my hand against her fur gently rough enough for her to make a purring sound. I sigh and stand up taking a look from my bedroom window noticing that it is still raining and that I've got to cancel my plans that I was going to do today because it's to wet to even step foot out of my street door. I gaze out the window for A couple more seconds and then I come back to reality my long brown hair brushes against my face and I push it away so I can see better. I hate my long hair but my mother says it makes me more feminine and if I was to cut it I would look like a boy which I don't actually believe is true but hey I can't go against my mums rules can I. My mum ain't the most LGBTQ+ friendly she thinks everyone is the same and has the same sexual preferences which isn't true at all and it's not even sexual preferences trans people, non-binary people and asexual people exist too like come on get that into your head mum. That's what I would Say to her if I wasn't to scared to say it to her face but I am so I just keep it to mind. On the other hand my dad left my mum because he came out as gay and I'm so happy for him he's got a wonderful boyfriend named Alex and he's cool too he likes Mario cart like I do we play whenever I visit. I only see my mum every other weekend and today seems to be one of those every other weekends the court told us she isn't the most stable parent and I do agree with them they are only trying to help me. The court let me live with my dad and step dad which is awesome because they actually care about me unlike mum I don't even think she remembers I'm here I've just been told to stay in my room till she gets back which was three and a half hours ago I would call my dad but the signal isn't the best in her new house. My dad is called aoi and no I'm not Asia which everyone thinks when they hear my fathers name we're 100% British without a doubt and if I was Asia I wouldn't deny it because it's where I'm from but I'm not from Asia. Next month my father and Alex are taking me to the pride parade in Trafalgar Square and I'm so excited to go because the heartstopper cast are there and I love that show it makes me feel more like myself and that's kinda a hard thing to do when your a other thinker like me you assume everyone hates you and that you've done something wrong when actually your the victim sin the situation and it's the opposite and everyone's done something to you you haven't done a single thing to effect or hurt them in any way shape or form.