SAM angst

I don't want to lose you

I just can't seem to have a good life, it just keeps getting worse and worse I can't take it. I need help but I can't tell anyone that it's not that easy. So I just go cry to my blade instead of anyone else. Soon as I say that to myself in my brain  Jake comes in and is annoying me "hey Sammy!" Jake says and he goes on forever I soon get tired of it "Can you just get the fuck out your so damn annoying!" I yell "god damn Sam if you didn't want to talk to me you could have just said!" Jake walks out "sorry" I murmur I don't think he heard me though I lock my door and get back to editing soon after almost finishing editing I grab my blade that's in the back of my drawer I  just cut until my vision starts to go blurry. I know I can't just leave the cuts open because I don't want anyone to worry not like they would anyway but still so I just bandage up my wrist and pull my hoodie sleeves down the hoodie Colby gave me but I don't think Colby likes me either he's getting tired of me maybe I should just go kill myself then every one would be happy.

I unlock my door and go back to editing soon as I do Corey comes in and jumps on my bed I get super angry since I just made it and I snapped "DAMN IT COREY I JUST MADE THAT!" I yell "OH WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE AN ATTENTION SEEKER ALL THE TIME BY NOT EATING TO GET ATTENTION MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST GO KILL YOURSELF EVERYONE WOULD BE HAPPY WITHOUT YOU!" he yelled back "WELL I TRIED WHEN I WAS 15 BUT GUESS WHERE THAT GOT ME THE DAMN MENTAL HOSPITAL!" I yell I seen Corey's face droop "whatever" Corey says and leaves he slams my door on the way out soon as I know it Colby comes in  he yells at me I don't say anything after he slaps me across the face I just hold my cheek and he leaves I start breaking down "fucking damnit i'm so damn useless I should just kill myself" I cry  I go downstairs after having a break down and nobody's here until I hear a crash behind me I turn around quickly to see a black figure they have a mask on they grab me by my neck they place me in middle of the hallway to the door entrance and they hold a gun up to my head and I just plead of happiness I've always wanted this to happen and be dead I don't wanna be here "thank the fucking lord I wanted this since I was 15 thank you!" I plead  I could tell they gave me a confused look, I look over at the door to someone opening it and it's Jake,Corey,and Colby they look horrified but I have a smile plastered on my face "I can't wait for this I've been wanting this since forever" I say with a grin "hurry up do it already I don't have all day ive wanted this since forever lets do this!" I exclaim my face droops when the gun is removed from my head  "aww man" I say the gun man leaves and Colby runs over to me and hugs me "fuck Sam i'm so sorry I really didn't know that you were struggling" Colby says "it's okay I learned to face it myself even though I did give obvious signs I was in pain but you ignored them and decided to tell and slap me across the face " I say with a smile

"Fuck fuck fuck Sam when's the last time you ate?" He asks "oh I don't -i don't remember" I say tears now streaming down my face "fuck here wanna go cuddle with me?" Colby asks "I- you want me to cuddle with you?" I ask surprised "yes yes please" he says  Colby picks me up and brings me to his room and sets me on his bed I slowly takes the sweatshirt he gave me off of me and puts it in his dirty laundry and grabs me another one of his sweatshirts it's blue this time instead of black I put it on feeling the comfort of his smell Colby then grabs me grey sweatpants and hands them over to me I put them on i then sot back on the bed i cuddle up to colby laying my head on his chest.  After a while he gets up "where are you going?" I ask "going to get food for you you need it" he says "don't leave me" I plead "I'll be up in a sec calm down" he says and I start tearing up as he walks farther he then comes back picking me up taking me with his I wrap my hands and feet around him we get downstairs and I get set on the counter top by Colby I let go and he makes me food he sets it next to my and picks me up setting me on a chair im surprised by how he can easily pick me up but not that surprised since I didn't eat for about 4-8 days straight so I must have been super lights hopefully that didn't worry Colby  I get picked up again and he brings me and himself to his bedroom and we cuddle and I eventually fall asleep to his touch as he strokes his fingers through  my hair.

I woke up the next day to Colby not by my side I look around the room to see him getting dressed I just look away I pull my hood up cuddling up to a pillow I then feel arms wrap around me  it was Colby we then watch a movie it was my favorite.