TRIGGER WARNING: ED
i've always hated my body. i hate everything about it. i've always been so fat. when i was 10, i remember i was with my cousins. we were talking about weight. when i told them i weighed 130 pounds, they all looked at me like i was weird.
i've been bullied about it since 2nd grade. i still remember the exact words people said to me then. 'fat' 'overgrown' (i don't get that one) 'huge'.
when i was 12, i weighed almost 200 pounds. but then i got really sick and lost a lot of weight. i would get sick for about 2 weeks and had such terrible cramping stomach aches that i would barely eat, and even if i did, it would come right back out. it happened 4 times.
i lost 30 pounds that year.
and now the present, i'm 13 and weigh 150-something. how did i lose so much? i would barely eat. i never eat breakfast, barely ever lunch, and dinner if i need to. then i would go to swim and swim lap after lap.
i would crash into my bed, exhausted, every night. i had almost no energy.
i got a little better. on christmas break, i ate 3 meals every day for a week.
but then i got a lot worse. one week, i barely ate any meals. i would sh every night. i was exhausted and had no energy.
i still do. this week, i had dinner every night. that's it though.
but i still hate my body.
my arms. i hate my arms. i have keratosis pilaris, so i have lots and lots of spots covering them. i have so many scars. so many. and my arms are just huge. i hate them.
my legs. i hate my legs. i have scars there too. i have scars everywhere. my legs are huge. whenever i sit down, my thighs are ginormous. i hate them.
my stomach. i hate my stomach. i have ibs, so my stomach is always bullying me. and the outside. i have so, so many scars on my stomach. and why is it so pale? it's nasty. and it's huge. why does my stomach have to be so huge? i hate it.
i can never find clothes that fit. they either bunch up 8n weird spots or are too short or are too tight. and you would never see me in a crop top. showing my stomach off? no thanks.
i hate my body so fucking much.
