This Man of God

Adore u from a far

Second time i saw u, I'm really excited because i will going to praise God again and i will see u. I was dreaming about you all day. And Sunday come, i bring my boy best friend with me because i wanted them to be saved too, but siya lang free e. And u saw me, and i saw u but u didn't look good. I feel like you're jealous a (assuming), but his stare is not with heart, with glare e HAHAHHA. But i didn't mind because i pray to God, that even he will get jealous, make his thoughts with only facts. Give him sign that me and my friend are just friends, trust me. And i put my trust to him also, not being jealous that he is staring at somebody, not being doubt that what if this sign is nothing. God, make it sense to me and i hope to him too.

Third time i saw u, this is not Sunday, but this is Thursday na. Too much excited and can't wait for 2 days more to praise God and see him, that's why i attend sa Thursday worshiping nila. And beside i need God in that time because I'm fighting of my jealousy. I saw you with my sweaty forehead (bangs kooo, huhu), we stare many times this day. I have mission to my self to smile at him when we stare, because i always do that to everyone that i stare, knowing or not. I keep my cool but when we stare at each other, i can't move, i can't breathe, and everything became slow Mo. And all i can do is turn my eyes and head to other side, and i will smile with happiness, ung kinikilig na HAHAH. One time panga, we stare and inayos ko bigla bangs ko pag stare namin because im soo sweaty naa (nakakahiyaaaa). And yes, im not succes at the mission that i promise, but maybe one time or next time i will do na with full confidence and strength. We will see,

Im kinda bored 2 days come and i wanted to dig some information about you. There was group page the Christian i attend, and every sunday or thursday they post the picture they taken at that moment. And i saw that he was playing the guitar noon pa, nung umaattend ako, but i didn't notice, i didn't saw him as a familiar face. And that hits me, nung kasama ko si Jean umattend one time, he is the one nag guitar non but i don't know and i don't saw him. You know why? Because if i saw him, i will refused because i have Jean, i will not gonna fell into his eyes, because i know im taken by someone. That's why God really have purpose!! He let me see you nung i was over of my pain and guilty, i am fixed and God let me see you because he has a plan for us. I will keep hold into God and you, Fr--...

Fourth time i saw u, sunday na and i have my girl bestfriend (nasa out of town ung boy bestfriend ko). And we are little late because we did cell group first before the real Church and the chair are full na and we sit in the back row na. So, i feel like you're finding me, but u didn't saw me, u keep your eyes don sa mga row na inuupuan ko but im not in there. I feel sad but i just stare at you and just keep adoring u, keep falling in love, keep my trust and hope into you. And then, i saw you, staring at me na but im not sure if u see me properly because you're not too much staring at my row (madilim po kasi). But God have purpose for us, we will trust God in our relationship we had (admiring).

I wanted to be with you or connect with you, but i wanted if i have achievements and improvement to following God with my heart. And i don't want to break your heart so, i will learn more about love and let God know if im ready to be with you, im gonna wait as long you can wait for me ok? Let's wait for God's time and purpose for us. I always see and trust you bro, see you of our timing!!

Fifth time thursday come naaa, im putting all the advice that God give me, to "Put yourself first and show to him what he deserve." Im still processing and i attend po, i keep my cool and didn't push the tadhana na mag tagpo na agad kami, i need to wait po e. Yes i saw him staring or just focus sa pag gguitar, and i just watch, sing and feel God that time. I didn't stare at him mostly kasi may nakaharang po HAHAH. Mostly po if thursday, everyone will pray for another and pastora said " Lahat ng kabataan 12-20 yearsold tumayo at pumunta sa harap." And i did, ako pa una non and i saw you, halos different side kami pinasukan and may lumagay sa gitna, thats why hindi po kami nag ka connection non, but i feel thankful to be with them. After non nasa likod kayo and i can't force my self na hindi tumingin, i always lumilingon don to see u and yes we stare (normal narin sakin pero kinikilig parin). And lastly nangyare, habang kumakanta po kami, we stare again but i turn my head other side and have a big smile. Because i feel so confident that you're into me, you're trusting me, and you're waiting for me. I feel so loved and safe, i feel like we're in relationship that trust each other with or without conversation. Thankyouu our Father!! I will wait for two of youu.

I guess i did too much search for you, i half know your personal information and im glad you're a year older than me. But now, i can't force my self too much na hindi ka iadd or kausapin. I really wanted to have connection with you napo, but i know bawal pa. That's why i keep my feelings and just focus my self, I fell down panga po sa sin because of not having self control HAHAHAH. Sunday come and i wanted to see u, to watch and to be with u, and I'm distracted because I'm in this Church because of God not for him!! I avoid him but can't stop staring or finding him, I'm sad because i wanted badly to be with u but we need to wait. I wanted to cry or be sad but i rather hold God's promise than being broken for nothing. All i need is control myself and feelings for u, you're my everything but i love God more than u, more than anything. I will trust u and God, ok? we will wait and work this out po. But for now, i wanted not to define myself to you, i wanted to work on my own first, and cared for u, for my career, school, and family. Stay because i will stay for how long this could be, ok? God love us and he will make it happened. 

I will publish napo to and i will write nlng limited, not every Thursday, and not every Sunday. I'm not letting him go but i wanted to be proud of myself first before anyone will do that. I will still see and love u, you're my inspiration that u made me believe i can be better and not to hurt other people. I like u, Fr-- love you with or without connection, I'm feelings are still the same. My thoughts will never be going to change, this is forever na. Patience, faith, love, and trust, I'm going to have that because i wanted to be with u and to be with God. I will be better, no more mistake, low temp, and easy to anger. I will work on it po, im gonna miss u, babyeee!!