Small talk

How am I ever going to do this?

"Jesus fuck." Dave stammered, slamming the shot glass down on the table. It was an exceptionally late Friday night. Dave and John had decided to meet up, hang out and do some catching up as bros. And a bit of drinking wouldn't hurrt anything, right? I mean, they *are* adults, even if it didn't feel like it.

They planned to spend the night reviewing trending video games, competing ass to ass on Daves WII and prank calling like they were 13 again. That's all that was on Daves agenda at least, John had some much bigger news to spill.

John had struggled with coming out to Dave for a bit now. He knew Dave was still recovering with his not so great opinion that regards the LGBT, and he also knew Dave had been struggling himself with his identity. It must've been hard realizing he was gay, John really felt for him. Imagine being strictly homophobic for most of your life, then abruptly realizing something that would've gotten you an intense beat down when you were little? But he *had* to tell Dave. Rose and Jade already knew, John was sure the secret would come out soon.

He had already replaced all of the clothes in his wardrobe with more feminine ones, and began growing his hair down to his shoulders. He hadn't fully moved onto the big step of *actually* changing his identity tho. (hence why he hasn't asked to go by she/her and why he hasn't changed his name.) He wanted to wait until Dave knew, that was the big step in officially embracing his new identity, which was something he had questioned since he was little.

Dave noticed John's uneasy expression and his tense posture which were clear indicators he was nervous. Dave looked at him, it would be a pretty intense look if he didn't have his shades on. "What's up with your ass?" Dave asked. The question only made John tense up more, like he had been cornered to a wall by a bear. There was no point of hiding now, he was caught under a spotlight that he didn't want to be in.

"Oh! Yeah, uh... about that." John stammered, putting his hair behind his ear nervously. He didn't know how he'd muster up the courage to tell him, he was absolutely terrified of being rejected. Especially by his best friend. "Hold- hold on a sec, I actually need to go do something." John mustered, getting up and hurrying out to Dave's balcony. He was quick to pull out his phone and text Rose, seeking help. He frantically typed to her, begging her to give him something to say or maybe a poem to rehearse to Dave. Anything, just anything to get this done and over with. A wave of relief washed over him when he saw Rose become an idle chum. He didn't waste any time video-calling her. "Rose, oh god you've got to help me! I froze up, I can't do it, I can't tell him. WHat if he drops me, if he drops me there will be no more sleepovers, no more smash games, Dave has NO body else he talks to about… things. And I don't think i'd be able to handle losing him! I just-" Rose cut him off, pointing up a finger to shush him. "LIsten to me, there is nothing for you to fear. I trust he will understand. How could he still not support after all of those years he took to understand himself too? You two share a lot when it comes to finding out who you are." John sighed, nodding understandingly at Rose. That was until Karkat, who was sitting next to Rose and Kanaya, snatched the phone right from Rose's hands. John couldn't help but giggle, the angle Karkat held the phone at when using one was hilarious.

"Wait, you're with dave?! Let me fucking guess, he's sitting around like a useless sack of ground spheres, and blabbering about absolute SHIT! Is that what's keeping him from answering my clearly sincere and thoughtful messages I sent him?? What a FUCKING DICK!" Rose took her phone back from Karkats iron grip, apologizing for the sudden outbreak. "Oh, uh no its fine! Daves pretty busy doing…whatever he's in there doing. But this isn't about you Karkat so shush!" Following John's command for Karkat to shush he heard Karkat blurt out an offended gasp, reaching his hand over to try and snatch the phone back. "Cut that out!" Rose argued, holding the phone far away from his grasp. Karkat started climbing over Kanaya to reach it, still yelling and throwing a tantrum about whatever the hell he was upset about. And amidst the struggle, Rose had accidentally hung up on John. "Oh god, thanks a lot…" John groaned, slamming his phone against the porch table and storming back inside. "Sorry, uh.. I had to um, call someone." Dave didn't look up from the shot glass he probably just drank from. "Don't fret dude, take your time. We quite literally have all of the time in the world, because of my dope ass time shit."

John chuckled nervously, shutting the sliding glass door then making his way back to the couch. It was quiet for a little while, and it definitely wasn't a comfortable quiet. Dave knew something was up with John, he just didn't know what. But it wasn't like Dave to pry about how his bro was feeling. John really couldn't take marinating in awkward silence anymore, so he decided to break the tension. 

"You should.. Probably answer Karkat.. He's pretty mad." Now that made Dave raise his head "Shit, is he seriously- okay yeah i'll do that later. I seriously want to know what's up with you. Not trying to pry at all, I'll totally step off if you need me to." John sighed deeply, trying not to tear up. God he was terrified. "God.. Dave no, you're not prying. I actually really need to get this off my chest." Dave fixed his posture to better his attention on John. He definitely needed to listen for this. "It'll actually really help if you don't look at me." Dave took his shades off, and John's breath hitched a little. It was definitely easy to forget how pretty Dave's eyes really were. "Look, shades off, I'm not looking." He turned his head away from John, he really wanted him to be as comfortable as possible.

"So, you know how I've.. kinda been growing my hair out and I've donated most of my clothes?" John swallowed. He was so, so close. Dave perked up, not really knowing where this was going. "Yeah I was hella confused about that, kinda like I'm kind of hella confused as to where this shits going." John swallowed again, trying desperately not to tense up from all of this pressure. "I think i've known this since I was little honestly, I used to look at the posters of Liv Tyler and wish I looked like her. That feeling, of needing some sort of… something from watching videos of gorgeous women doing their makeup, and styling their hair. It was torture, knowing I'd never be able to be like that." There was an obvious hint of sorrow in his voice. "Dave… I've never been a guy. I've never felt like one, or wanted to be one. I want nothing more than to be a girl." He began tearing up. Opening up like this brought back a lot of strong emotions for him that he hated going back to. He tried speaking, he couldn't even look at Dave. "Dude.." Dave mumbled under the rush of his best friends rambling. He was quick to wrap him in a hug, shushing his cries. "I have absolutely no idea why your panties are in such a major twist. I think as long as you're not touching little kids I'll always be your bro. Seriously, you're like the brother I've always wanted dude, and I'm fine with making room for another sister. Just walk me through what to call you so no disrespect is exchanged up in this bitch." Dave smiled reassuringly, pulling away from the hug but still lingering a hand on his shoulder. "Wow Dave, I'm seriously speechless. I haven't really thought of another name yet, maybe you could help?..." Dave's grin perked, and so did his eyebrows. He put his shades back on and snapped his fingers at John. "What about Wendigo, or jennifer? Cherry's a pretty hot name give or take." John winced, god Dave was terrible at thinking of names. That's probably why the characters in his webcomics had suck monotone names like "jeff" and "sweet bro." Dave chuckled, noticing the uneasy look on John's face, "Okay, okay. Since those don't tickle your fancy, what about June?"

There it was. June's entire face lit up like the fourth of july. She tackled Dave, wrapping him in a big hug. "June! It's so perfect, thank you! Thank you!" They both broke out into giggles, I guess it could've gone worse