"Is This My Confession?"

them

"I'm in love with a fairytale, even though it hurts.
Cause I don't care if I lose my mind, I'm already cursed."
-Fairytale by Alexander Rybak

These stories were always written before bed, however this one may feel like it's targeted. But I can't help it, my head is aching and I cannot think straight.

A he or him, is about a person who identifies as a male. Or describing another person who is a male.
But they now changed their pronouns to them.
"Them," I believe they'd know if he ever read these stories.
They wrote many of me, but it was all in the past. They are all gone, all in history.
They ceased to exist, I wish I had pictures, but I never get the chance to do so.
So I believe I'm just returning a favour.
Let alone, I'm going to be my own writer to my own artist.

I dreamt of them again, but it was last night. It was nothing bad, but all I remember is them and I playing games, never getting bored.
As the dream closes to an ending, I wanted to tell them to stop distancing themselves and beg them to stay. But I never did, as it was selfish.
So I ended up letting them go

A friendship is beautiful, they say. But they never knew how there is three different stages of friendship in my life. They never knew how all of my friendships are short-lived.

Befriending is a beautiful stage of friendship.
Because the other person made you feel so special that you knew you'd be friends forever, from playing games to random daily chatter.
From looking at the present to planning the future.
Cause to me, that future was so bright, as bright as the brightest star in the entire universe. And that's what they made me feel.

Distancing is never a good sign of a friendship.
From the closest friend you've got, slowly becoming a stranger.
Seening messages is already a sign, and it's never good.
I eventually to the point of crying over them, thinking "Was I annoying?" Or even "are they tired of me?"
I honestly do wonder how people deal with such thoughts.

Departure is what hurts most to a persons trust and event self-esteem at one stage.
Eventually, the friend became a complete stranger and left this chapter.
People leaving hurts, yes. But there's nothing we can do.
They served their purpose.
Yet that's the stage that I fear most.
Which is also why I start to be skeptical of a new and what seem to be profound friendship.

However, them and I, this distancing stage is already killing my heart than a heartbreak is supposed to.
Call me desperate all you want, I remember sending them a message about how I had missed our times.
But reading back. It sure hurts like a pin needle.
"I'm sorry, ------. But we'll may not be as close as we were before."
Damn, that sure hurts me still.

And now, I had held secrets at my heart. Now all I know is that it's going to be trapped in a metal cage.
They were the one I wanna stay friends with.
But it seems like it'd be impossible.

They can call me by looking at the moon everynight.
But he'll find out that one day

I may never be around.