I Don't Want to Want You

Keep Holding Me

why do i want her to never stop looking at me like that...

i mean i've loved her music for forever, but seeing her right there... she's gorgeous

there's just a good aura about her

"hey are you ok?" she says

apparently i zoned out while i was thinking

i also forgot my eyes are drenched in tears

i move my hand to the base of my eye trying to wipe the mascara from it

billie chuckles "you're not helping yourself, let me?"

i nod and she presses her warm fingers onto my face

she's slowly cleaning my dripped mascara

once she's done she smiles "there~ it's better now  and it doesn't look like you ever cried"

"now you haven't said much i'm guessing because  your hella stressed right now" she laughs

"i am too" she adds

"so why don't you tell me what happened?"

i look at her not wanting to explain my anxiety and panic attacks...

but she's just so warm and-

"um" i start

"i've worked so hard to get here since i was a kid... i wanted to be a singer so bad it was almost insane" i laugh a little

"i would literally pretend to accept a grammy in my bedroom holding a water bottle"

"awwwwe that's adorable" she smiles

"yeah it was definitely something"

"i think i just put a shit ton of pressure on tonight... i was so excited and then a got here and my stomach dropped"

"i know people but i don't know people.. and i had no one to go up to other than my team"

"-i just panicked and here we are"

suddenly she hugs me tight

i resist for a millisecond but then melt into it

she smells so good like vanilla

for the first time in the night i feel safe

i feel like maybe ill make a friend?

"i've felt the same way so many times" she's says

"it's hard... and you never know who your friends are"

"-worse when you haven't met enough people and don't have someone to lean on" i add

she laughs

"well lucky for you that's not the case anymore"

i look at her confused

"babe why are you looking at me like i have three heads? i'm your friend now"

i smile "really?"

"really"

she pulls out her phone

"are you going to any after parties?"

"my team says a should" i reply

"good, come to mine"

smirks "me an finneas are throwing one, it'll be chill i promise"

"can i give you my number?" she asks

"yeah i would love that"

she grabs my phone and types in her contact info

"ew i hate the stupid grey initials profile pic, lemme send you a better one"

i blush a little at the contact name she chose for herself

(she sends this)

"there that's so much fucking better" she smiles and hands me back my phone

"text me when this is all done i'll send you the address and shit"

"thank you" i smile

"that's what friends are for audrey" she smirks

"now we both need to get back out there"

she helps me up and we walk out of the bathroom

i share a final glance with her as we part ways and head back to our seats

...
authors note💗

i feel like im getting the hang of this more? but omg i didn't know how long this would take to write...