To Be Graced....

Diary

On such cloudy days, people expect gloom but within my clouds there's someone that can show me how bright the sky really is. I worry what will happen if I lose them when I desperately need them to hold me. Will I never find their warmth again? Will the sky be just as bright? I don't like to think about it, even if it comes to mind every time they leave. I wouldn't hesitate to fight for what I have, for what I need. Is my life better or worse with her? My gaze, my body, my mind ruled by her without any resistance. Point Place is where I was born, where I was raised, and where I met her.

05.01.17        

I don't care much for school, I'd rather just stay home and be alone all day. I haven't put much thought into my future or how I want to lead my life. I'm not failing, but I'm certainly no genius. I woke up everyday hoping for a change in my life, hoping that someone can just take me out of this messed up cycle I've put myself through. As I was walking to the bus stop one day I noticed a girl I had never seen before. Black curled up hair that was enough to look messy but pretty, amber eyes that made you never want to look away, and piercings on her ears to her eyebrow. She wore a black Jansport with a variety of pins and keychains. The thing I noticed the most though was her intoxicating smile. Which was rudely interrupted by her hyper friend who ran to her with excitement as if they hadn't seen each other in years. The friend was carrying what seemed to be a journal and with the girl I so attentively admired shared a sigh of visible relief. I will never forget this day for as long as I live.

0.5.03.17

I spent the whole day looking, trying to even find her unconsciously when I couldn't see her in my view. I had found out who she was, well the general information that can be easily found. Her name, what group she hung out with, her classes, and how  nice she was ,which I can understand why. The warmth she brings when around her, even in the sight of her is enough to make me even smile uncontrollably. Then out of some stroke of luck, the universe had created a moment where I could actually talk the one person I wanted to be closer with. She had bumped into me while trying to exit her seat while I was coming in. The room was cleared since I had come in to get my phone from charging and she had spaced out looking at the window with her headphones in. She had dropped her phone and it coincidently landed where I placed mine. My wallpaper on my phone which was filled with a bunch of different bands to artists caught the attention of her eyes. "No way! You like Radiohead!?! AND EVEN PARAMORE!", I was so confused and shocked, but my brain had finally caught up. "Yea I-I love em…, U like them too?"She had immediately responded in a way where she had caught herself from being too overenthusiastic, "I love Paramore and Radiohead! I listen to them daily at least, but I still can't believe there was someone in this school that actually shared an interest of mine, you know?" I had completely forgotten the type of awkwardness this situation could've turned to, "Me too, especially someone who seems as bright as you" Her face soon turned into the enthusiastic smile she had shown to a wild laughter that I had no right to share with her.

05.12.17

I had never thought my one wish that I wanted to come true would actually come true. She had invited me out to go to have fun with her, and I can't believe that it even happened. My heart was pounding, basically jumping out my chest, and I couldn't stop thinking of how our day was gonna go. All that excitement came crashing down though, right after she had failed to mention a rather "minor" detail. Her friends. They had been something I did not predict at all,nothing could've prepared me for this trainwreck . Even so I had to play nice with them, if I had to I would befriend them. My quiet personality wouldn't go well with their overzealous natures when it came to being involved with each other. I have to catch her attention even more. I needed to do whatever to make sure that  she won't abandon me, she can't leave me. So, even if it disgusted me I did anything that made sure I could laugh with her again innocently like we had the first time we had met. She was enough to cause a change in me, I don't care how much it affects me.