His Heart For Collection

Chapter four

The drive to Golden Rose Resort was filled with tension. I could not enjoy the drive, much less the time I had with Drew.

He was angry, I could tell. I didn't even know why he was angry with me. It was okay for him to go on front covers of magazines with his new flings, but it was not okay for me to have crushes?

"Drew, let's talk, okay? I can't have you being mad when we have two hours together on the road. What's wrong?" I asked.

He glanced at me briefly, then focused back on the road. "You know what's wrong."

I groaned, wondering why I was even going to the Resort with him. "I don't know."

"Alright," he said, infuriating me more. One thing about Drew was that he knew how to be petty.

"Use words, Drew. I'm not in your head. What's wrong?" He didn't reply, which just made the regret a bit too much to ignore. "I'm not willing to spend two days with you being like this. You can take me back to my place."

At the threat, he turned his head to glare at me. "Seriously, Leon? Now you've resorted to this?"

"I have not resorted to anything. You're just being ridiculous right now. Being jealous of a guy I'm not seeing?"

"I'm being ridiculous? You're ridiculous for meeting up with your little boyfriend minutes before we go on our outing."

"My boyfriend? Believe me, as much as I wish he was my boyfriend, he isn't," I said, but regretted that when Drew accelerated.

That's one of the reasons why I couldn't stand being in the same space with Drew for a long time. He got angry too fast and then the silent treatment began.

Every single time, he doesn't want to address the issues we have. He'd rather deflect by either getting angry and then giving me the silent treatment or he'd tiptoe around the subjects.

I let him drive in his anger, hoping he didn't let it blind him. Drew was a difficult person to communicate with. It was his flaw, but now it was irritating.

When we did arrive at the Resort, Drew had booked us the same room. Of course he had to be a prick and choose to sleep on the floor.

"Seriously, Drew? Really?" I snapped, sitting down on the bed. I glared at his pitiful form on the makeshift bed on the floor. He was facing away from me. "But I told you that nothing is going on between Sam and I."

"But you're interested in the guy, so might as well be with him," he mumbled, making me sigh.

"I'm sorry then. For hurting your feelings," I said, getting in bed. I covered myself up to my chin, really wishing that Drew would stop sulking and come sleep on the bed.

It was this one time where I was willing to get close to him without feeling like I was erasing all my progress. We'll be sharing a bed for the first time in a year, but he was wasting the opportunity.

It took a while for sleep to find me, but when it did, I heard Drew mumble something. I awoke, asking, "What was that?"

"Why can't you come back home?" he asked, his voice muffled because he covered his whole body with the duvet.

I sighed, the sleep that had found me disappearing. I sat up, leaning against the headboard. "Drew, do you want us to be having this conversation, again?" If we had the conversation, we either ended up arguing or Drew deflecting because when I started with the real reason we were here now, he always deflected. The man couldn't handle me saying the problem was his family and how he didn't seem to have the need to defend me against them.

"I'm just tired of seeing you once a week, and twice if I'm lucky. Just come home, please. Let's just end this and go back to how we were," he said, his voice getting smaller and smaller.

It broke my heart to hear the pain in his voice, but how could we go back when so much damage has been done? I don't think there was a going back to go to. Too much has happened during the two years that needed to be worked through. Like both of us have already hooked up with people, and then the thing of him wanting us to just go back without working through anything.

"Do you still love me?" he asked.

"Of course, my love," I replied so quick. I didn't want him doubting my love for him. I still loved him so much.

"Are you still in love with me?" he whispered.

"I-" I froze, not being able to lie to him. "I love you," I ended up saying, feeling defeated.

He didn't say anything for a while.  I even thought he was sleeping until he cursed, then he threw the duvet away from him.

When he looked at me, his eyes were red. "Fuck you, Leon. Fuck you!" he said, the hurt in his eyes breaking me.

He stood up and grabbed his clothes from the couch and wore them. He put on his shoes after, cursing when his shaking hands couldn't tie the shoelaces.

I got off the bed, trying to stop him from leaving. "Where are you going? It's late, Drew!"

He didn't reply. When I tried to block his path, he pushed me aside. He took me by surprise, hence I stumbled. He didn't look back at me and just opened the door and left.

I sat on the couch, trying to swallow the hurt and guilt. That's when I realised that still being married held us both back. Divorces could get messy, and right now I can't go through that. It would have been better two years ago when I was ready. I was ready for a divorce, but Drew wasn't. Right now, I wasn't ready.

Drew and I have never worked through our issues. Now he's probably going to drown himself in alcohol instead of talking things out. We really needed a mediator. If there's no one present, I'm afraid that Drew and I would not address our issues. I was afraid that we would hate each other and try to bring the other down. Divorces were messy. I was not ready for that.