Lost Smile

08.

Shivaay sat up a groan escaping his lips. He was surprised to find Tia sleeping beside him. Why was she here? Was she true to her words that she was trying again? Should he trust her again? He didn't have any answers for those questions.

Not wanting to deal with her the first thing in the morning he silently got up from his bed. He didn't want to face her, he walked over to the bathroom.

The fever didn't go down that he could tell, but he had to make a move. They had an important deal coming up and bade papa had assigned him to take care of it. I can't just back away at the last moment.

Groaning he walked away from the bed to take a shower. His limbs felt heavier. If there was one thing that he absolutely hated about falling sick, it was the exhaustion that he faced afterwards.

Adjusting the watch on his hands he turned to make his way out only to be stopped by the sight of Om and Rudra who were holding the breakfast tray in their hands, apparently they were on the way to his room. The single gesture was enough to bring smile on his face. They care. She was wrong. She is. I knew it.

"What's up guys?" He asked as he looked at them. They both frowned at him. They aren't going to approve if I tell them I am going for a meeting.

"You are leaving for work?" Rudra asked. Shivaay nodded looking at his phone for a second before he turned back to them.

"Have you looked at yourself? You look drained." Om spoke looking at him carefully. Shivaay sighed, it was not the conversation he was opting for. Well, you didn't have to point it out.

"I am fine Om. Rudra. We have an important deal coming up." He spoke up trying to reassure them but surely the weakness in his voice had them alerted. I should have controlled the voice.

"You are not." Om spoke in a firm tone, his lips were pursed. Shivaay just smiled at him, "I am. Just one meeting and I will be back." He reasoned but it didn't work.

Shivaay could see that Om was getting irritated and before this could blow up he tried to make a hasty exit. Arguing with him wasn't the thing he was keen about, it hurt him deeply every single time when his brother's voice raised against him or every time he had to raise his own. We were brothers and we weren't meant to fight like this. This was beyond us.

"Someone else can handle it." Om spoke trying to reason.

"Bade papa is on business tour. Dad is busy with the Pune Branch. Who will?" Shivaay asked amused.

"Mishra can-"

"My presence is needed there Om. I am fine-" his speech was interrupted by a cough, followed by another and another. His brothers didn't look impressed. Shivaay tried to walk past but Om's harsh voice stopped him.

"You know what's your problem Shivaay?" He whirled around. This! This is exactly what I had been dreading. He knew what was coming up.

"You never accept help when you need one!" Om roared causing Rudra to flinch. He placed the tray on the nearby table ahead of the pool.

"I didn't ask for help." Shivaay called back. His voice cracked at the end and Om froze. He chuckled bitterly.

"I never asked any of this. You know, it was never this. You don't have to do this to show that you care." Om closed his mouth at that.

"All I had asked for was for some company. Was it too much?" Shivaay asked before Om could say anything.

"I wanted to talk to you, to hear all about the art works that you are working on. Just like before, when you used to come to tell me how your exhibition was a success and how met a new artist." His eyes lowered and Shivaay could feel his own eyes moistening as well.

It was a sensitive topic for both of them. We used to be the closest, believe it or not, Om used to cling to me the most even more than Rudra. Perhaps, it could be our age, we weren't that apart from each other, a year and a half and that was all. We shared the whole childhood together, we were joined at the hips. But then again---

"I know Om, this didn't happen from your side only. There was my fault in there too. I couldn't come to exhibitions. I pressed into the matters that you didn't want to discuss, but believe me, my intentions weren't wrong. I was worried." Shivaay couldn't hold back the tears at this point. He didn't want to hold back this time.

"Shivaay-" his faint voice gained by attention. Do not feel guilty Om. We both are equally responsible. It's just that I wished we wouldn't have parted ways like this.

"I wanted to hear how Rudra's college life has been going? Is he having fun? Who are his friends? Is he having any trouble? Was it all too much to ask?" Shivaay continued ; he could see Rudra's eyes tearing up.

"You know why I used to sit through all the tales that you wanted to narrate?" But before Rudra could answer, "It was because I wanted to experience the childhood that I got deprived of through you." Shivaay placed a hand on the side of Rudra's head, his hands clutched onto his.

"You know, my college life wasn't as thrilling as yours. I never got the time to experience one properly, at those times there were too many expectations on me. Mom, dad, dadi and even bade papa and badi maa. I knew I didn't have it in me to refuse them." Shivaay spoke up, and for the first time he wanted to open up to them.

Rudra realised, guilt weighing heavy on him. He never meant all those words seriously. It was just light hearted fun. He had said it lightly, Shivaay didn't say anything in return either.

Shivaay could see guilt creeping but he couldn't bring himself to stop. The pool area was empty except for them.

"I wanted to make sure that the same doesn't happen to you both and Priyanka. That you both live your lives beyond these expectations. I thought when I was there, you all didn't have to face all these. There was no need." Shivaay choked out.

His words had triggered Rudra's tears. He had never imagined it from his side. What Shivaay had to go through.

"That you didn't have to live the boring life that I lived-"

And Rudra could hear no more. He hugged Shivaay tightly nearly knocking him back from the force of it. "I am sorry, bhaiya. I never wanted to hurt you. I am sorry, I didn't know my words--they will hurt so badly."

Shivaay frowned. "Hey, it's alright. There's no need for crying. I know, you never meant all that. It's okay, it's just that my mental state wasn't the best at the moment." He ruffled Rudra's hair and chuckled, "C'mon Rudy, don't be a crybaby." He spoke fondly.

Though Rudra may have missed his words. Om didn't. My mental state wasn't the best at the moment. He frowned, what did he mean by that?

"Why are you crying then?" Rudra's voice interrupted the other two from their thoughts.

"M-main? Main kaha?" Shivaay spoke as he turned away to wipe them quickly.

"Haan. Haan bilkul." Om rolled his eyes, before he walked over to the other two.

"I'm sorry, Shivaay. I never tried to understand your situation. I put myself first every time. Even that day when you returned home, instead of talking, I lashed out." He spoke guiltily, but as always it was Shivaay's comforting smile that greeted him.

"Happens to the best of us." He spoke. But you never lashed out on me. I did but you never treated me like that. I don't know why we drifted apart? We used to get each other without even saying a word and now even a thousand words aren't even for us to reason with each other. Om leaned his head on Shivaay's shoulder and that was when he noticed his fever. He bit back the sarcasm, he could use it some other time, but right now he needed Shivaay to get into the bed.

An emotional confrontation was not what they had expected the first thing in the morning. But since it was the morning at Oberoi Mansion, anything's possible. Maybe it could lead them all to some good?