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I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here 'cause I remember it all too well.


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1 month after Charlotte's departure.

It was like time hasn't passed at all like it supposed to as Engfa remained stuck on that moment. The last words of Charlotte, how her voice sounded like when she said she couldn't marry her, still haunted Engfa like a ghost. The pain she had felt that night remained in her heart up until now, serving as a reminder to her that everything wasn't the same anymore.

It has been a month since Charlotte left her with just a piece of paper, now crumbled somewhere in Engfa’s wardrobe. Her friends and families, even Charlotte continued to live their life as they should, chasing the bright future. But she was still trapped in the past, having no idea how to move forward. Motivation left her soul, the fire that once burning inside her, now long gone you couldn't even see a trace of smoke. The only thing left were the ashes of the past.

She haven't heard anything from Charlotte. She tried to reach out to her through their socials, but it seem like Charlotte was intentionally avoiding her. The only news she got about Charlotte was from her mother, Diana, who, despite her and Charlotte's unexpected fall out, still remained close to her, as if nothing had happen between her and Diana's only daughter.

Fortunately, Charlotte had passed the entrance examination of Brooklyn Law School last week, after a month of non-stop preparation, that was what Diana said to her. Engfa was happy that Charlotte was slowly achieving her dreams. She wish she could do the same, but Charlotte's sudden departure left a big hole in Engfa's world. When Charlotte left, she took everything she once had with her. Engfa's passion, her motivation, her happiness, and lastly, her heart.

Diana had invited her to celebrate through dinner at their house. She badly wanted to refuse the invitation, simply because she didn't feel like celebrating at all. She was happy on what Charlotte had achieve, though. But Diana was nothing but persuasive, and since Diana was living alone now that Charlotte is in New York, she had agreed to accompany the older woman. It still made her feel sad being around Charlotte's mother that much, but she couldn't refuse the offer out of respect.

Engfa knocked on the front door with her left hand, her right hand holding a bottle of wine she had brought with her for them to share. It was Diana's favorite, and also Charlotte's.

The front door opened, revealing a smiling Diana, still wearing her apron. The woman pulled her into a hug, while grumbling about how it has been 2 weeks since she last visited the woman. She felt guilty due to the fact that she had been lying about being busy. She had no other choice, it would make the older woman sad had she said that she was avoiding her. “Engfa! I'm glad you're here. Come on, dinner's almost ready.” she pulled Engfa inside the warm and cozy, two-story house. And as she entered, she was greeted by the smell of lasagna.The smell brought her a sense of nostalgia as the memory of the first time Charlotte introduced to her mother enveloped her mind. Diana was shocked upon learning their relationship, but she'd been supportive to them since the beginning. In fact, she adored Engfa very much. Engfa remembered how Diana would cook her own recipe of lasagna everytime Engfa was at their house, and it brought a small smile on Engfa's lips as she continued to reminisce.

As she look around the familiar living room where Diana asked her to wait, she couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness and longing. The memories she and Charlotte had created in this house, the intimate moment they'd shared in the couch she was currently sitting in, the stolen kisses they'd shared in different corners of the house, and the dreams and plans they'd whispered and shared to each other as they lay in Charlotte's bed struck her like a jolt of lightning, all of their shared memories came crashing down on her like a storm, flooding her mind and drowning her whole being. She felt overwhelmed, and she wanted to scream, but she couldn't. She felt herself gasping for air, but it's too hard, and then she just realized, she was suffocating.

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