In between - queen of tears

Silence

Hyunwoo POV

"Will I be able to live then?"

Hae In asked me. She just asked the very same question I long to have a definite answer.

After she left, I was waiting for the sound of her door being closed. But it never came. I got worried and went out.

Just right outside my door, she was hugging her knees, silently crying. I kneeled in front of her but I was panicking. I was flailing my hands, not knowing what to do with them. I grabbed her knees, shoulder, arms, then settled with her hands.

I wanted her to express herself. I told her it was ok to cry. But I really hated seeing her cry. I could count with only my fingers the rare times I've seen her tears. How many times have she cried like this alone? How many times have she stifled her sobs just to not make any sound? I bet a lot because she so was good at hiding her emotions. My heart broke to many pieces. Oh my love. Don't worry. Let's just live. The two of us, let's live and love together.

"I'll put you to bed."

It was too cold outside and her eyes were too puffy to continue crying.

"Can you stay?"

And just like that, my broken heart was mended again.

———————

While Hae In was sleeping in my arms, I realized how much I wanted her to stay like this. I forgot how we fit perfectly. Her arm in my chest, my arm wrapped around her. We were so close I could feel her steady heart beat. She's alive and breathing.

How could I ever thought of letting this woman go? I felt so disgusted with myself for thinking it was a blessing from above that she was dying. Hae In-ah forgave me, and still loved me despite how hideous I behaved after she said she was dying. But I would only forgive myself after I have loved her for atleast 50 years. Therefore Hae In-ah, live 50 years more so I can atone to my sins and be with you in heaven