The New York Project

14. I know

The next day, she woke up feeling tired and sluggish.

She had to work, thankfully – it kept her mind occupied. She even went to her office in Midtown instead of working from home as she had initially planned. The painstaking attention to detail she always put in her work helped to appease her thoughts. When, in the evening, she settled on her couch with a cup of herbal tea to watch an old French movie, she was feeling slightly better, less ashamed at least.

They sporadically texted each other during Robbie's stay in Vermont. It wasn't much, only some pictures of the sights and neutral questions about the snow, or about her wellbeing or the weather in New York, or some encouragement for her work. Still, he was talking to her again, so this was good.

She was relieved yet restless. It wasn't enough. There ought to be more.

She had hoped to see him before the end of the year, he nevertheless extended his stay with his father and decided to come back only on New Year's Eve. Cecilia was also spending a few days at her parents' in Georgia; therefore Victoria buried herself in her work, once again, and went for long walks around her place and in Central Park. It wasn't snowing anymore, yet it was very cold – an invigorating cold that she gratefully welcomed.

The last day of this surprising year finally arrived, and she headed to Cecilia's in the afternoon to help her prepare for her New Year's Eve party.

She had time in the past week to think about Robbie and her; hence her mind was now set, she knew what she wanted to tell him, what she had to tell him. She couldn't leave some things unsaid between them. She thus had texted him countless times to inform him that she did have something to say to him and that he should join her at Cecilia's party.

Her best friend was undoubtedly rankled by her speaking of him all afternoon long: he had only answered with a vague message, so she didn't know for sure whether he was coming or not. Cecilia seemed worried and tried, even more than usual, to joke about everything and to keep a casual tone whenever they were talking about him – which happened more than a few times.

***

Robbie was overwhelmed by the fair number of texts she had sent him lately, and by their contents.

Yet he wasn't sure if he wanted to go to Cecilia's party. He was both scared and anxious to see her. He knew he couldn't resist her, and he didn't know what exactly she wished to tell him. What he did know, however, was that if she still wasn't ready to make some changes, he didn't need to renew with the wobbly shape of their relationship again. On his end, there was too much pain, too much uncertainty in this, because there were a lot of feelings.

Therefore, halfway through his friend Colin's party in the Upper East Side, he decided not to join her and to stay put.

***

Every damn time the bloody door bell rang, her hope was renewed. However, Cecilia had invited a rather large number of guests – mostly acquaintances from Vogue, so the bloody bell rang many times in four hours or so.

Although she talked with the guests, drank some French white wine and ate some canapés, she could only think about him. Was he having a good evening? Was he making out with someone else? What music were they listening to back there?

***

Colin's party was going well.

Robbie was even beginning to relax, relieved by his recent decision. He was drinking a beer and chatting with one of his friend's peers from Harvard – a cute blonde girl with a nose ring – when he heard it.