Tu Shaheen Hai

leilah [8]

Leilah closes the diary shut with a snap. "Why-" She inhales sharply, trying to stabilize her emotions but it is difficult.

She feels as if she witnessed the clash between Walid and Mahrosh, and she shoots to her feet, wishing she could do something about it. But what can she do except pace and rant to herself about how things should have been? It is the curse of a reader who is nothing but a witness to a story that alters the chemistry of their hearts so greatly.

Mahrosh is scared. How can she sit still while Walid is clearly in danger? But while her empathy with Mahrosh is strong, she understands Walid just as well. But she is letting her fears cloud her judgment. She should have talked this through with Walid instead of pushing him away -

Leilah grumbles and drops on her study chair. "There are enough forces working against them," she murmurs to herself, "This is the time they need to be at their strongest and most united. Why-"

Her wish to somehow scold the two of them and force them to have a talk slowly fades when a memory comes rushing back to her.

She remembers when she shifted back to Pakistan with her mother. Her mother had resigned from her job. Her grandmother was ill. Everything on the outside seemed to be going wrong - it should have been a time for mother and daughter to be most united and present for each other.

Her own words come back to her and her grip loosens on the diary.

But it wasn't. Her relationship with her mother had severed. She was depressed, frustrated -

Leilah draws in a sharp breath. It is easy to be a witness, she realizes, a reader - reading stories and pointing out how one should have behaved. But it is harder to live it. She is a reminded of a reel that she saw on her instagram; a sheikh was talking about the seerah of Rasulullah ﷺ ; 'We listen to it like a story. 'Such and such happened-' But if we were to involve our emotions, to 'live' the story, our hearts would tremble and our eyes would never become dry.'

Leilah fiddles with the diary. For the first time, she thinks she understands the concept of trials. Before she used to think of bad times as simply bad times you had to survive through. Now, she realizes that both moments of happiness and moments of struggles are a trial: occurring to see how you react to them.

Leilah thought Walid and Mahrosh were perfect. They were her ideal couple; restoring her faith in love and marriage and the strength of faith.

But everyone falls. Everyone trips.

The question is: do they get up again?

Leilah opens the diary again.