Spray-Painted Truths (Denki Angst)

And I Wake

mentions of hospitalization

***

"Can you hear me, Kaminari?"

I woke up in a dimly lit white room. My vision was fuzzy and I couldn't make out much more than the shape of a person sitting a few feet away from me. I blinked lazily and tried to focus, but I just couldn't. It was like I'd gone half blind.

Regardless, I was seeing more than I had over the course of eleven months. I hallucinated from time to time, but I wouldn't count the hallucinations as 'seeing' things. Even those were just muddy visions in blinding white light. I was snapped out of my thoughts by the sound of the figure shifting, tapping something against a piece of paper.

"One more time. Can you hear me, Kaminari?"

The voice sounded like it belonged to an older woman, couldn't be younger than fifty. It took me a second to realize that I was the Kaminari in question before sitting up straight and trying to stare in her direction. If I could just make out her face...

Maybe that could prove it wasn't just another vivid dream.

"Yes," I croaked. "I can hear you."

I was startled by the sound of my own voice. I sounded like I was straining my lungs just to utter a few small words. The woman seemed taken aback as well, given that it took her a few seconds to jot something down on the paper in front of her. I tried to look around a little more, neck swiveling from left to right before looking back at the fuzzy figure in front of me.

"Is this real?" 

"Yes, this is real. Can you see okay?"

I felt my heart pang against my chest as I shook my head from side to side.

"No. It's all fuzzy."

That kept her quiet for a few minutes as she scraped across some kind of sheet with the tip of her pencil. I couldn't believe this. I couldn't believe her. There had been far too many false alarms; illusions conjured up by the League, traps set up in my own head. Now I couldn't trust what was sitting right in front of me.

"Ah, okay. That makes sense now. The doctors said you have a bit of damage in both eyes, but not to worry, glasses should do you just fine." She said sweetly like it was the simplest thing of all.

I just had to see it to believe it, and I wasn't seeing much. 

"You can stop now, you know. I'm just going to keep saying the same things. I don't-.. I just don't know what you think you're getting out of this." I sounded so desperate and I was. I was grasping the soft sheets with my hands, waves of exhausted nausea hitting me like a freight train. The hope lingered less and less every time and feeling helpless slowly became less difficult. It starts getting hard to rip away optimism that was never there in the first place.

The silence was just as dreadful as the situation itself. I couldn't even hear the woman move; the breath she finally took was quiet. I didn't know this woman, obviously. Her voice and mannerisms were both foreign and she sounded nothing like my savior either. How was I supposed to trust someone like this? Someone so unfamiliar? Someone who addressed me without a care in the world? 

How was I to trust anyone when I never knew what could be lurking underneath?

How was I to trust at all?

"Please calm down. I'm not here to hurt you. I just want to help." The words sounded so disgusting on her tongue I almost gagged. My knuckles clenched white around the sheets and my eyes darted around the room, wondering when the alarms would go off and I'd be faced with that searing fluorescent light again.

"Kaminari- I'm going to have to ask you to please  stay in your bed. Kaminari!" Her voice sounded frantic and I hadn't even realized I was scrambling away until she shouted. My palms were soaked with sweat, arms shaking with primal terror. I dragged myself, even though all my limbs screamed and begged me to stop, across the sheets. Throwing myself off the side of the hospital bed, I collapsed against the floor as my limbs screamed in agony and pushed against the cold tile.

Every square inch of my body was desperate for a way out. It always ended this way. I'd gasp and scream and tear myself out of the picture until they forced me out of my stupor and back into harsh reality. He'd punish me until she came to offer guidance. Guidance I was often tempted to accept with open arms.

"Doctor! Doctor!" I could hear the woman's frantic calls as she rose and ran to the hall. 

"Will you fuck off and let us in already?! The hell's going on in there?"

I froze.

"Sir- I'm going to have to ask you to please-"

All I could hear was a muttered curse and angry steps before I looked up.

I didn't have to see well to know who was standing over my head.

Katsuki Bakugo.