The Bad Jokes #2: The Blonde

Chapter 26 (Gracie): Avoid My Destiny

It'd been a wildly successful night and I was still basking in it. Even hours after the show, I couldn't settle down and sleep, so I snuck out of bed, tiptoed past Wyatt on the couch and went to sit on the bus steps. The air was cool, the stars were out and my head was filled with experiences including what it was like to be a female body guard. I had also felt the thrill of being onstage in front of more than fifty thousand people so I had the rock star experience, and then I had the total rush of getting to bring one of my favorite scenes from one of my books to life by performing my dance moves.

Blue had grinned at me after the show and said, "Well, now, seeing you dance like that was just about the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. At one point, the first time you fell on your ass and then got right up and took a fucking bow, I was afraid I was going to have to stop singing and just give in to the laughter. I admit I was skeptical when Wyatt first brought the idea up, but it turned out to be the best damn thing to ever happen on a stage. You got chops, Gracelyn Matthewson."

He'd taken off for a post-concert meet and greet, and I'd gone soaring even further into the stratosphere at his stunning praise.

You got chops. I'd eat off that compliment for months.

I heard the door behind me open, and Wyatt came out and sat beside me on the steps.

"You OK, Gracie?" he asked.

"Just too keyed up to sleep," I said. "This night was...everything, Wyatt. Thank you. And not just for tonight, but for getting Blue to let me be part of the tour."

He nodded his acceptance of my gratitude.

"Why'd you do it?" I asked him after a while, my forearms on my thighs, my fingers fiddling with the hem of my shirt.

"Do what exactly, Gracie? That question can cover a bunch of shit where I'm concerned."

He was right. That question could cover a lot, so I thought I'd start with the easy things.

"Why'd you make scenes from my books happen for me?"

"Because I wanted you to know that I see you, Gracie, and I know what's important to you and what fills your heart and mind. I swear by now I know your books almost as well as you do. You and I have talked about them so much, and I re-read them so often that I can recite entire passages of your words just about."

I knew he could. If I had a number one fan, it would be Wyatt. Ironic, given what we've been through.

"And it was a way to keep me on your mind while I was away," he admitted.

"Mission accomplished," I said, willing to give him that. "Because you were."

"Do you think you can ever forgive me, Gracelyn?"

Whoa. This conversation went from zero to sixty in just a blink.

"Alex gave me some insights into the situation a few weeks ago," I told him. 

My brother had shown up at my apartment, frustrated because he was an idiot and was about to lose his girl because he couldn't stop the stupid shit from spewing out of his mouth. He'd kept accusing me of bringing Wyatt into our conversation, transferring my anger at Wyatt onto my brother, and then Alex finally snapped that he could understand Wyatt's side of things.

"He's faced with his past unexpectedly, gets some surprising information that shocks the hell out of him, he needs a hot minute to process it -- and then you show up, also unexpectedly, guns blazing, and he fucking fumbled the ball. We do that because you can think circles around us at light speed when it comes to emotions. We get slaughtered if we aren't as quick-minded as you in relationships. Things we don't think about are things you obsess about, and vice versa." 

It was the first time I'd wondered what would have happened had I not gone over to Wyatt's and found him there with his ex. If, as he'd told me, he would have figured it out by the next morning.

For supposedly not having the first clue about relationships, my brother had had a lot to say and continued unloading on me.

"You want answers on the spot and maybe we need to think about our answers; you expect clarity of thought when sometimes things are just a fucking mess in our heads. We make mistakes, get in trouble for them and then next time we're like deer in the headlights from fear of doing the wrong thing and getting in trouble again."

"Gracie, I know we talked about the whole situation to death. What I did, that hesitation, that thought that I owed it to her to try again, freezing in the moment...I had it all figured out the next morning, but that's hard to make up for. You said you felt like you'd be second place, that I'd chosen you only because I found out about the baby, but I'd already chosen you. I didn't find out about the baby until the pizza place incident."

"Bottom line it for me," my brother had demanded. "What's your biggest concern with Wyatt?"

"Second place," I'd said immediately. "I'm the one he's settling for because he couldn't get his first choice girl."

"Little sister, I don't pretend to know the first thing that goes on inside your heads, but I know what goes on inside our heads. And I know that I wouldn't put effort into getting back my second choice. I'd only put effort into the one who really mattered to me."

He'd headed to my door to let himself out before he'd delivered his last bit of advice.

"A man can love a woman and still make stupid mistakes, bad choices and poor decisions, Gracie. But bad choices don't mean you're second place. A man doesn't turn himself inside out to get back a second choice. He moves on, finds someone else to be second choice, someone he doesn't have to work for. The only ones we're willing to fight for are our first choices."

"I chose your heart, Gracie. Sheena would have been willing to start again, to pick up where we left off. But I chose you."

"Because you thought I was pregnant?"

Wyatt shook his head and grinned. "True confession time. When Alex showed up to get me off your porch, he told me you weren't pregnant. Or at least he was reasonably certain you weren't and said he bet it was Rory's pregnancy test. That was the only reason I was willing to walk away and give you the time you needed."

"You still called and texted me relentlessly. How was that giving me time?"

"I wasn't in your face," he said. "Then your stalker started escalating shit and I was back around."

"True confession time," I said to him. "Alex told me that after your shift ended, you spent the night staking out my neighborhood to add another layer of protection for me."

"Your brother seems to share a lot of secrets for being a secret keeper himself. But you're the only woman in the world I'd sit in a tree for, having my eyeballs burned with the sight of your practically naked neighbor taking the dog out in the middle of the night."

We sat silently for a few minutes trying to not think about that particular image. 

"You know, I think you're about the only man in the world who'd try to make things up to me through my books."

"Aside from your family, they're your pride and joy. I remembered all the times we'd talk about your favorite plots and chapters. You gave the scenes life with your words; I just gave them three-dimensional form so you could see something you created come to life."

"You gave me back my words," I told him, remembering the sweetness of that gesture.

"You always had them, Gracie."

I looked up at Wyatt. "Promise me I'll always be your first choice."

"Gracie, I promise that you're my only choice," he said. "The only heart for me. But I'll be happy to spend every day keeping that promise to you."

I accepted that because sometimes, you had to trust to move forward. Sometimes, you could see your future and all you had to do was reach out for it. Grab hold of it and not let go.

"I was told once that I wouldn't be able to avoid my destiny," I said to Wyatt. "I've tried to for a long time, but my life didn't feel right. I don't want to avoid you anymore."