The Asylum Changed Us All - Spencer Chamberlain x Gerard Way

3 - Struggling

A/N : Mikey = Mikey Way. Mike = Mike Shinoda

He did what?!" Mikey says, the basement light flickers above them. Mike was cuddling next to Chester, they were in some pajamas and next to each other on the couch.

"S-stop- he's gonna hear you.." Gerard says, blushing. Grant and Tim were sitting on the bean bags when Tim spoke up.

"Okay- Gee, he obviously doesn't hate you.. He probably really misses you and wants to spend as much time as he can with you. You can't keep distancing yourself like this.." Gerard sighs.

"I know, i know.. But, it's been.. So fucking hard to live without him.. I just- don't want to overwhelm him. I could just hug and kiss him for hours and still need more.. These two years apart from him... have ruined me. And I really need him. But- does he need me?.."

A silence consumes the room, nobody knows what to say.

"I-.." chester was about to speak then frank slams open his and ray's bedroom door.

"Hey guys! What's up? What are we talkin' about?" Ray smacks a hand over his forehead, exhausted at how dumbfounded Frank was about all this.

"God, Frank, you're so stupid.." Gerard had tears in his eyes, and was desperately hugging a pillow.

"I miss him so much.." Gerard whispers, trying not to break into tears.

"Miss who? Your dad?" Frank asks. Ray smacks Frank on the back of his head and Frank almost falls over

"Shit- what was that for bro?" Ray just rolls his eyes and says "you dipshit he obviously means spencer." Frank has no reaction.

"What about him?" the group lets out a communal groan of annoyance.

"Maybe you should go check on Spencer, gee." Grant says.

"I- I can't.. He said he's showering.." Gerard says, his voice still trembling. Grant grabs a blanket from one of the couches and lays it over gerard. Frank starts to speak again

"Well now we all know thats a fucking lie, that mans hair is greasier then a deep fryer." Tim lets out a small chuckle. But Gerard still feels guilt in his stomach. He knows he should check on Spencer, but did not want to make things any worse than he thought they were.

The sinking feeling turns into a nauseating one, and Spencer can't handle it on his own.

"Fuck!" He whispers, looking through every drawer he sees, he needs something to cope. Cigarettes, drugs, blades, he was desperate to cure this uncontrollable itch.

He dug through every dresser and nightstand, finally making it to the drawers by the bathroom sink. To his surprise, when the drawer opened, a box cutter lay there.

"Gerard would be so disappointed. Everyone would." He thinks.

"They probably don't give a shit anyway."

The box cutter was rusty, and probably decades old. But it was his last resort. His only resort, in fact.

Picking up a blade was definitely a feeling Spencer hasn't felt in a while. But damn, it did feel good.

Slowly, Spencer starts to drag the box cutter across his arm. What was all this hard work for? The years in the ward? Why him? Why Spencer?

All these thoughts rush through his head, distracting him from the blade in his hand.

Gerard doesnt fucking love you. Hell, he probably fell in love with Ray all that time apart. No one wants to date a suicidal freak. Wait, I sound like my edgy teenage self. For fucks sake, snap out of it!

"Ohhhh fuckkkk." Spencer says, staring at the small puddle of blood underneath him. He had gotten too carried away. The cuts were deep, and went all the way to the top of his forearm.

"I probably should've picked a less obvious spot." He mumbles, wiping up the blood. He didn't have a sweatshirt, so the best he could do to cover his arm was wrap it with some toilet paper and act like it never happened.

I gotta rinse this shit off. Spencer thinks, running some water and rinsing off the blood.

"Okayyyy. Now I guess I'll just go downstairs and act oblivious."

He sighs, wrapping his wrist as he starts to head out into the hall. He heard everyone talking down in the basement. When he went downstairs he saw the group watching TV, Ray was comforting Gerard who was crying, and Aaron sat alone on the edge of one of the couches.

"Oh hey Spence!" Frank says, waving to him like a child.

( In Ray's eyes, he was a child. A horny, greasy child. So any male highschooler.) 

Gerard turns to see Spencer, he blushes, embarrassed that Spencer had to see him like this. Mike was talking with Chester but looked up. He immediately noticed the wraps on Spencer's arms.

"Hey- sweetie, stay right here.." Mike says to chester smiles and gets up from the couch. He walks up to Spencer and pulls him aside. "Hey- do you need a sweater or something?.. You're not being very secretive with these.." Mike says, gesturing to his arms. Spencer just nods.. "Sorry you have to see me like this- i shouldn't have-"

"It's fine.. I mean- it's not but.. Don't worry.. You're safe here." he runs up the stairs to his and Chester's room and straight back down with a hoodie for him. "Go put this on.." Spencer gives him a grateful smile and puts it over his body. His attention then turns to gerard. Seeing him next to Ray kicked in his possessive instinct.

fuck.. He obviously fell for ray while i was gone. Their probably in love.... He's not even looking at me.

Spencer walks up behind the couch where Gerard is sitting and places a hand on his shoulder.

 "Hey, you okay?.. What's the matter?" 

Spence says, looking obviously concerned. Gerard turns to face him and his face is puffy from crying. His face had a desperate look, all he needed was Spencer, and without hesitation stood up on the couch so they're face to face and pulled him into a deep kiss. Spencer held him tightly, his hands gripped Gerard's waist tight, he was desperate to be with him again. Gerard was needy, but then realized his environment and pulled away from the kiss. Spencer was dizzy, he was still processing the kiss they shared. But Gerard looked around the room, everyone was shocked, literally everyone. And as soon as Gerard and Aaron locked eyes, Aaron got up, walked into his and Grant's room and slammed the door behind him. Spencer was also looking around, it was silent, except for the tv which was playing in the back. Gerard's face was heating up, his blush turning a bright pink color. Frank was stunned. Silent, shocked.

"Since when were you guys gay?" he says, his eyes wide. Spencer lets out a chuckle and picks up Gerard from the couch, and places him down next to him.

"We're gonna go upstairs.." He says, holding his hand and walking upstairs. Mike looks at Chester, who was cuddling with him as usual.

"We are too." Mike says, and they walk upstairs as well. Leaving tim, grant, ray and frank, alone.

"Since when were they gay?!" Frank says, still shocked. Ray lets out a deep, annoyed sigh, and then takes a pillow and smacks himself in the face. Grant and Tim had moved close up next to each other without even noticing. But they all stayed downstairs, watching TV.