take it how you want it

This Stage of Us

I never thought we would have so many stages

Almost like different shades of a color 

Dull and bright 

But this stage we are in is just as confusing as the beginning 

How can a text make my skin crawl the way it did when I was being touched by you 

I'm so confused over how you manage to do that to me still 

We ended

Then we were reborn into a new form 

We ended and I thought that was it 

Even though I craved you 

Missed you 

And my heart ached for you 

I didn't expect that text 

I miss you it read

You said that over and over 

I admitted I missed you but I reminded you why we were here

Why we no longer talk from sun up to sun down 

Why we no longer plan trips to visit 

Why we no longer say anything but live in silence 

But you spin in circles saying it will never work 

Or I don't know 

Maybe in the future but I don't know

We come back to where we started that it will never be 

But you tell me again how much you miss me 

Tears begin to form but so does a smile 

Because I promise I miss you more than you will ever understand 

I want to talk you say 

I wish we would've talked more you say again 

The reality begins to sink in that I want that to but I don't want to admit that to you 

I don't want to admit that I miss your kisses 

That I miss your touch 

How I so desperately miss the words spoken from your lips of how beautiful I am 

I don't want to admit any of this but I do because I'm scared I'll never get the chance to

But I still hold back on telling you why I would do the distance with you

Why I want to be your favorite person like you were mine 

Why I want to be there for you 

Why I want to gift you things that remind me of you 

Why I want you entirely 

 But I don't say it 

I don't let it pour out of me 

I keep it safe in my heart so it's not painful for you to tell me once again we can never happen

We talk until the morning and the next day it is as if a word was never spoken 

We still talk but without words

Waiting for one of us to break the silence 

Waiting for the moment I see you again and this time I'll do everything I was afraid to do 

I'll say everything I was afraid to admit 

More than the words that I have written 

You made my fear of loving you eventually fade as if it never held a place

Your eyes captivated me in a way I can hardly describe 

I would drive a million miles just to be by your side 

Your kindness to my clumsiness made me less embarrassed

The words you used to describe me healed all the parts I hated about me 

Your music became my favorite and I'd listen to it once a day to feel closer to you

Your cowboy boots made me want a pair of my own

I would rewatch The Titanic with you over and over until we grew sick of you

I would admit all of this 

But we can never decide when to let it happen 

I tried to get close but you pushed

Then as I begin to push you come back again 

I don't want to let you go 

But it looks like I have to 

My own heart keeps breaking every day that passes that I don't have you 

This stage of us 

This moment of us 

I wanted us from the beginning 

I wanted us after we were falling 

I wanted us when we ended 

I wanted us 

I want us even now 

But do you?