Red Button Shenanigantery: The Youngest Professors

Starters, Shinies & the International Police

The next couple of years we fell into a routine. Professor Oak would give us a quick lesson on pokémon during breakfast, we would then go out to the pasture and start feeding, washing, brushing, and playing with the pokémon to help them get exercise. Afternoons we would spend either exploring the local area, playing with Ash, or studying as much as we could. Or at least I was studying, Missa consistently chose to go explore the wooded area nearby whenever I chose to study.
That isn't to say she didn't spend any time learning new skills, we also spent plenty of time learning how to sew, cook with these new ingredients, administer first aid, and many other basic survival skills. During our down time I borrowed one of Professor Oak’s computers to start writing up everything I could remember about how pokémon friendship and affection work, also writing up information that I snagged from a few different trusted sites when it came to learning how to play the games.
With some luck I managed to convince Oak to read it and take us on as more than just lab assistants, moving us up to actual Research Assistants, and lay the groundwork for the future we had discussed so many times. But that is getting a little off topic from our daily routine isn't it.
Evenings were spent either at Oak’s lab or at Ash’s house when we were invited. The friendly people of the town would often bring dishes to help supplement our meals and ensure we were getting proper care, not that Oak would ever let us go hungry. The pokémon in his pasture would revolt if we were mistreated at this point.
After dinner was some cleaning chores, baths, me quizzing Missa on whatever she had learned that day, and finally ending off with us cuddling in bed to sleep until the next day. Oak didn't even bother to ask why it happened after the first couple of nights, he just assumed it had to do with the story we had told him and just left us be.
This routine became the foundation of our experiences in the pokémon world, spending every day making new friends among the local pokémon. At the age of 8 Ash finally made it to one of Professor Oak’s Pokémon camps. We opted out of attending since we had work to be doing at the lab as I assembled as much research as I could into a single paper, expanding on the original one I presented to professor Oak.
I went into depth about how to find each pokémon’s preferences, how mirroring their personality often helps with establishing initial bonds, how some pokémon species prefer different behaviors towards them such as fighting types often wanting someone to work on equal terms while dark type prefers a clear hierarchy. So many things you only learn from actually interacting with pokémon. While I compiled the research, Missa made herself busy by either drawing pokémon, taking pictures of them, or compiling the video that would be associated with various segments, fleshing out the overall piece and making it look more presentable. She was always better with the creative aspect than me.
With this our goal was rapidly coming into view, and we were ready to take the last steps necessary. Though it would require Professor Oak pulling a lot of strings in order to get the results we hoped for. Once everything was assembled properly Missa and I went off to the woods as we loved to do, interacting with the local pokémon and feeding the berries or petting them. Occasionally we settled small disputes and had to chastise the occasional primeape or raticate that overreacted to rather small problems but ultimately it was a peaceful experience.
We did make sure to explain to the pokémon that we wouldn't always be there and that we even planned on going on a trip rather soon, so they wouldn't be able to get snacks all the time or come to us to solve their problems. They seemed to understand as we spoke, and it was clear that most pokémon were at least on the same level of intelligence as humans, with a few exceptions in either direction, so we continued on without concern of disrupting the ecosystem. With luck a pokémon would step forward as a mediator before we left and they would continue to take care of all the others in this forest when we left.
But once again that is too many details for what is supposed to be a quick overview the time that passed before we get to our journey, give or take a few extra events.
It was at the age of nine that Missa and I each got our first pokémon, though technically they were Professor Oak’s until we reached the age of 10. We had been adamant from the start that we didn't want the standard starter pokémon for trainers when we reached that age because it would only skew our research, having pokémon that are specifically bred and raised to be compatible with trainers.
I was first to catch mine, and honestly I still don't want to admit to this being my first pokémon, but whatever. I had been out on what I told Professor Oak was a small research trip in the town, doing some catch and release fishing with a rod I had been tweaking ever since we arrived at Oaks lab. The idea was to catch the pokémon, bring them to the surface, check their condition, then release them back into the water. And if you know me, then you know nothing ever goes exactly to plan, I just gloss over those details usually.
I had brought a pokéball with me, just in case I needed to catch something so Oak could treat or study it and that rested in my pocket as I brought up water pokémon after water pokémon. After several goldeens, a couple magikarp, a staryu that sprayed me with watergun, a psyduck that got tangled in the line and a very confused slowpoke, I tossed in the line with a sinker attached, hoping to get a gyarados or some other deep water pokémon since the pond seemed to go rather far down and considering the salt content was probably connected to the ocean.
It wasn't long before I felt a tug on the line and wound up having to pull with all of my strength, which at this point I am rather proud of with years of activity really building it up, and to my surprise out came a gigantic golden magikarp. This thing was easily bigger than a car, how the heck did it even get this big? Why was it in the pond? Also how am I going to put it back in the water if it lands on land? Wait what if it lands on me…
At that thought I scrambled back as the magikarp seemed to move in slow motion through the air, only to flop right where I was just moments ago. And I noticed it at the last second, the pokéball I brought with me had fallen out of my pocket in the scramble, apparently bumped on a rock at just the right angle to expand and activate, and then rolled right to where magikarp later landed.
It was there, and then suddenly it was gone and the pokéball was making the capture noise. Great, I caught a magikarp, its shiny, and really big, but its still magikarp.
I will never live this down.
But I am not going alone, my girlfriend calls me a spitefilled cupcake for a reason. But we will get to that later.
Of course I picked up the ball and brought it back to the lab, ending my fishing trip. I could explain away a pokéball being used but if I released the magikarp then I would have to explain away one being missing and thats a lot harder to do, especially since he started seeing through my excuse that mankey stole it. I personally blame Gary since he decided to point out that there were no mankey in the lab or pasture at the time. Freaking Gary.
After entering the lab and explaining to Professor Oak how I had accidentally caught a large odd-colored magikarp he walked me out to the pasture area and had me release it from the ball so he could see it for himself. As soon as I released it he was in awe and examining every inch, pointing out how it was clearly female because of the whisker color and then theorizing as to what made it so large and why it had such an odd color which wouldn’t be useful in its normal habitat.
Once he had spent a good twenty minutes theoriziing I cleared my throat and asked if I could keep it to which he made a sad face and started to explain how I wasn’t quite old enough to have a pokémon yet, that it wasn't about maturity which Missa and I had shown in great quantity and quality but because it was a general rule of the world. I shrugged it off and said that he could retain ownership of it until it was time for Missa and I to go on our journey and then it would be my first pokémon. But until then I could train it on the pasture like what a daycare breeder does during my free time and only after I handled my duties as a research assistant.
With some thought on the subject Oak relented and took the ball from me, calling back the magikarp. Oh do I have some plans for this one, but before I could start making arrangements Missa came running across the pasture from the woods out back, carrying a little bundle of white fur. She zipped right past Oak and I, resulting in both of us following her.
She zoomed into the lab, approached one of the medical devices and gently placed it in there, finally showing us that it was another odd colored pokémon, this time an eevee. She turned the machine on which was designed to apply a weaker version of healbell to the pokémon. It was an emergency measure used to stabilize particularly injured pokémon when a chansey wasn't available.
We then noticed the limb that had been bent at a bad angle and the fact that its ribs had a dip in them. Something had hit this pokémon way harder than any normal pokémon battle would. Oak reached in and moved Missa away, immediately getting to work and calling over some of the other lab assistants to get to work while also placing a call to a Nurse Joy that he personally trusted and asked her to visit discreetly. Shinys were rare in the pokémon world of the video games and anime but in real life it was on the same level as albinism or melanism which caused them to be highly sought after by pokémon hunters.
Before long the Nurse Joy was there and we were being ushered out of the lab by a squad of police in odd uniforms we didn't recognize. Outside were several Rangers taking up posts and then we noticed an Officer Jenny sighing and shaking her head as she saw us. It was the Saffron City Jenny.
“So you two got in trouble again?” She asked, looking the two of us up and down.
“We didn’t do anything.” I protested, stepping between her and Missa.
“That’s not how Professor Oak sees it and considering even the international police are here, it’s quite the incident.”
“That isn’t our fault.”
“Says one of the two kids who brought in rare ‘shiny’ pokémon on the same day, one of which was badly injured.” Her tone turned harsher as she spoke.
“What’s the problem with shinies? I know they are rare but why would it warrant this kind of response?”
“Because shiny pokémon are that rare, and the level of injuries on that eevee indicate the probability of a pokémon hunter in the area, with the number of pokémon in Professor Oak’s care the international police weren’t going to take any risks. You probably would have been better off leaving it where you found it.”
“I wasn’t going to abandon Vivi!” Missa shouted from behind me, anger rising in her voice.
“You already named it?” Jenny and I asked in response.
“Vivi is kind and gentle, he trusted me when he saw me. I wasn’t going to leave him injured in the forest. That would be wrong.”
“I don’t care whether-”
“She made the right choice.” Came a firm and older voice from behind us.
A new woman had appeared, this one also looking like Nurse Joy but older, around the same age as Professor Oak. She wore a red version of the trenchcoat that many of the officers were in and was wearing a rather ominous glare as she stared down Jenny.
“And what gives you the right-” Jenny started
“The right to butt in on your conversation? Or interrupt your illegal interrogation? Or maybe have an opinion as to this situation?” She interrupted again.
“With all due respect-”
“Ma’am.”
“What?”
“With all due respect, Ma’am. You will address me with respect or not at all.”
“With all due respect, Ma’am, what authority does a Joy have in this situation?”
“What authority does a liaison officer with no jurisdiction in this town have in this situation? Certainly not more than a Captain who is here to do her actual job rather than play escort for the local governments ego to be stroked.” She replied coldly.
“Captain ma’am?” Jenny asked, clearly caught up on that one term and missing the rest of the statement.
“Yes, Captain, my rank, I am the Captain who leads this team. Many shiny pokémon require specialized treatments and so a Joy is assigned to every team assembled with a specialty in such pokémon. I worked my way up from just an escort nurse to my current position, now I trust you don't need to bother these junior professors with any more questions?”
“Junior professors Ma’am?” Jenny asked, looking at the two of us who were just as confused.
“Yes, that is what Samuel called them, they seem to be on the fast track for being granted such a status, under his recommendation no less. So I would appreciate it if you treated the subjects we were called in to defend with respect rather than suspicion.” She finished off, smiling toward the two of us, the coldness melting away.
If there was one thing I always knew but was never reinforced in the anime, it was never to pick a fight with a Joy, the consequences were far worse than anyone should be willing to deal with.
“Now, if you wouldn't mind young man, I am quite curious about this magikarp that Samuel was having trouble describing. Would you mind showing it to me?”
“I don’t mind but I don’t have it, Professor Oak has the ball. And I don’t want to bother him mid treatment. So I guess we all wait until he is done. I hope the eevee is okay.” I replied, choosing to pretend I hadn’t seen the thorough dressing down she had just given to Jenny.
“Vivi.” Missa asserted
“Right, Vivi, I can’t believe that you already named it before even catching it.”
“Don’t care, he needed a name, so I gave one. Do you have a problem with it?”
“None at all, but you know there is a chance he will have to go back to the wild. Professor Oak might not let you keep him.”
“He let you keep a magikarp, I will keep Vivi. If Vivi wants to stay, I won’t force him.”
“Fair enough, I’m staying out of this one.” I replied with an I surrender motion.
Captain Joy just chuckled at us and commented about how lively the lab must be with us running around it every day. She didn’t know the half of it, most days Ash would show up with Oak’s grandson Gary because Gary had challenged him to some contest or another resulting in them ripping across the pasture chasing after whatever pokémon it was that day. Or getting chased in the case of the Tauros incident.
After what felt like an eternity but in reality was most likely only about ten minutes, Oak came walking out of the lab, already looking worn out from whatever had gone on. The process had apparently been hectic and Vivi had fought him and Nurse Joy every step of the way until he finally got a butterfree to use sleep powder on it.
Missa of course retorted that it was perfectly fine when she was around so he must have mishandled it somehow eliciting another bark of laughter from Captain Joy.
“You have a pair of feisty students this time around Samuel, I like them.” She said with a grin.
“Every day is an adventure with these two around, sometimes I wonder if I won’t die of a heart attack from their antics or suggestions.” Professor Oak replied with a sigh and shaking his head.
“Well, that may be but I am pretty sure its near impossible to off you like that. We both spent our youth chasing pokémon twice as dangerous as they have access to.”
“She suggested developing a special set of rubber gloves so she could pet a zapdos. And on three separate occasions I have had to rescue her from getting crushed by a snorlax as it rolled over because she was sleeping on its stomach. And then this boy keeps asking to look at the source code of the pokéball or making suggestions on how to trigger rare evolutions or randomly blurting out that there are forms of pokémon that aren't even properly recorded yet. I swear I need a leash for the two of them.”
“Sounds like they will make fine professors one day.”
“Indeed they will, if we all survive to that day.”
“Fun fact, pikachu thundershock tastes like tv static.” Missa chimed in, trying to lighten the mood.
It seemed to work because Captain Joy started roaring with laughter while Oak just looked defeated.
“Oh right, Captain Joy wanted to see the magikarp Professor Oak, may I show her?” I asked, holding out my hand, hoping to offer some kind of distraction before Missa said another unhinged line.
“Oh yes, I do still have the ball don’t I. Here you go, just make sure to return it to me before going to bed.” He handed the ball over and I guess now is the time for me to cause my own chaos.
Remember how I said I wasn't the only one going down with this ship? Well…
“Go! Gari!” I shouted as I tossed the ball and out came the enormous magikarp in its glittering golden glory.
Professor Oak was immediately pinching the bridge of his nose while Captain Joy just stared at the monster fish before her. Missa on the other hand was running all around it, inspecting every bit of them.
“Why would you name it after my grandson?” Oak asked, giving me a pointed look.
“What do you mean? Her name is Gari.”
“And my grandson’s name is Gary.”
“Yes. but mine is with a i not a y.”
“That makes no difference.”
“It makes plenty of difference, but really I just named her that for a pun. Your cousin is going to love it.”
“How is naming it Gari a pun?”
“Well where we come from the world doesn't all speak one language like here, and in the language of the region of Paldea dos means two. So when she inevitably evolves she will be Gari, and when there are more than one its Gari dos, or gyarados.”
Captain Joy was having a hard time holding back the laughter but Missa was just giggling away. Oak on the otherhand had facepalmed at it.
“If it helps, Gari means spear maiden where I come from…” I added on, trying to give Oak something positive to hold on to. I could already tell that his cousin was going to love the pun.
“Fine, I won’t complain, just don't call out her name when around my grandson, he already suffers from an inferiority complex because he thinks I prefer Ash and you two over him.”
Oak just hung his head and returned to the lab.
“That is a fine magikarp you have there, scales are glossy, fins are intact, whiskers are pristine, she’s perfectly healthy. Though I get the feeling that you have some interesting plans for it.” Captain Joy said, while giving the magikarp an examination.
“Can’t say I don’t, but I will have to get some special gear and the help of some pokémon in order to train it the way I want to. By the way, how did the international police even get involved in this? Last I heard was Oak telling Nurse Joy to keep it confidential.”
“Yes, my niece agreed to keep in confidential, but did tell Professor Oak that we would have to be involved for the safety of everyone involved. Plus it doesn't hurt to have a medical professional who specializes in shinies on site. Once he relented she called me, I brought the team since the situation could be dangerous, and when our team started moving the rangers made their move as well. But we expect nothing to come of all of this, no pokémon hunter in their right mind would attack a professor’s lab, that is like picking a fight with the associated region and no one wants the pokémon g-men chasing them down.”
“Makes sense, kinda hard to keep track of all the different organizations out there. But I do appreciate you coming, I would rather not deal with a pokémon hunter if I don’t have to.” It’s not like we have a muk on the pasture to help make one disappear anyway.
“I am going to ignore that dark look on your face and instead change to a happier conversation, so what do you plan on doing to train the magikarp? Never hurts to have a Joy’s opinion.”
“I want to get it on a protein and carbos heavy diet since that will help her build up both muscle strength and flexibility allowing greater speed. I also want to train her using a tackle machine, some cooperative heavy pokémon, and balls of various sizes and weights, along with a launcher for said balls. Plus I think adding on some fin weights to increase exertion and help build more muscle will be useful in the long run but never more weight than she can handle. The goal is to push her limits not break her. Beyond that I plan on following through with Missa and I’s research specialty and pouring in love and affection to the pokémon, massaging her, making sure she gets sweet treats, praising effort, regular baths, ample play time, all of that and more. If everything follows the plan then who knows what she could do at the end.”
Captain Joy stood there listening and just staring at me, the look of disbelief growing stronger with each word. “And you came up with all of that in just a couple hours?” She finally said when I finished talking.
“Well technically yes, I hadnt planned on training a magikarp so the special machinery is new but the diet plan and proper treatment was always the plan when I got a pokémon. I would have chosen different vitamin combinations depending on the pokémon because every one of them have different needs in their diet to remain combat ready at all times, but yeah most of it would have been the same.”
“Most trainers don’t think of going into that much detail just to battle.”
“I’m not most trainers, and also I’m not a trainer, I’m a professor, well not yet but I will be. It will be my job to study pokémon and learn their limits, learn how to treat them properly, and how to co-exist with them. It is our responsibility as people to make sure that its not just pokémon working with us but we also have to work with pokémon. The exchange needs to go both ways for stability to exist.”
“Well stated young man.” Captain Joy with a nod.
We spent the rest of the day talking on and off about the things we had learned from Professor Oak, received some tips for special care for our particular shiny pokémon, and even received some self defense tips from a few of the international officers. I didn't plan on using them but you never knew what hunters or the criminal teams would decide to do.
Once Vivi recovered enough to be released back to the wild Oak and Missa could be found arguing almost every day for a week straight over whether she could keep him or not. And entertainingly enough Vivi ended that argument himself.
One day during a break between arguments, Vivi was playing around in the lab, chasing what looked like a ball. Though I should have probably recognized the issue immediately. After a few minutes of him adorably pouncing on the ball and rolling, he swatted at it in the usual catlike fashion of an eevee. In that moment there was a brief flash of red light and suddenly Vivi was missing, followed by the catching sound that pokéballs made. A few seconds later he popped out of what I now realized was a pokéball and was staring at it like he was asking “what the heck just happened?”
At this point Oak couldn't really argue against catching Vivi and couldn't argue against Missa keeping him since he was now technically captured in a ball registered to Oak himself. So now when our time as travelling professors begins I guess my starter is a monster sized magikarp and Missa gets an eevee. 

Writer note: since I know this is going to wind up posted in a few places I just want to make it clear that us having shiny pokémon was extremely unexpected, we cobbled together a random generator set of checks to determine if something is shiny or not and we both got a hit. I did not expect to have shiny starters, but I guess lady luck decided it would be a better story this way.