Forbidden Freedom

Chapter 21

Three years ago

French Alps. Harmony Springs Renewal Youth Wellness Institute.

I roll a pencil back and forth on the windowsill, watching the patients take their evening walk from the window of my room. Since my last encounter with Ethan, when he punished me for my excessive ambition, I only leave my sanctuary to eat. Sometimes, I even ask the new nurse assigned to me, Irene (a strict woman with strong hands), to bring me food directly to my room. Despite her stern and grim appearance, she's actually quite kind. Sometimes, she even sneaks me sweets.

The pencil drops to the floor with a soft thud and rolls towards the table. I watch it with a vacant look. But something snaps inside me. Like a taut string of nerves finally breaking, releasing all the pent-up emotions.

I furiously gather all my drawing supplies scattered around the room and throw them into a storage box.

"Too much ambition," I mutter to myself, echoing Ethan's words. "Ambition leads to nothing good. Don't tell me what to do. You have a terrible character."

I pull a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of my sweatpants, along with a plastic lighter. The flame flickers to life with a click of the lighter's wheel and button. I stare at it as if mesmerized, then grab one of my sketches. I hold the paper to the fire, which quickly engulfs it, but at the last moment, I throw it on the floor and stomp it out.

"Damn," I curse through gritted teeth, staring at the blackened spot on the parquet. "Idiot, idiot, idiot."

I find some wet wipes in the desk drawer and start scrubbing the burnt mark on the wooden floor. With some effort, I manage to make it look somewhat presentable.

Wiping the sweat from my forehead, I close the storage box and shove it under the bed with my foot. I have neither the mood nor the desire to draw. And I doubt it will return anytime soon.

Thanks, Ethan Blake.

I wrap myself in an oversized hoodie and step outside. The cool mountain evening air clears my head, and my nose tingles with the pleasant scent of flowers that the nurses carefully plant in their free time.

Most of the patients have already gone inside, waiting for dinner. Tonight's menu is cordon bleu and mashed potatoes. But the local food doesn't interest me much. I slip behind the dense bushes, ignoring the disapproving glances of the staff overseeing discipline, and sit down on a neatly trimmed patch of grass by the river.

I close my eyes and listen to the birds singing and the rushing water. For a moment, the emotional tension eases so much that no thoughts break through. This must be what it means to achieve Zen.

"Hey," Ethan's sudden voice in my space makes me jump and open my eyes, shielding them from the setting sun's rays with my hand.

Blake sits down beside me, his gaze following mine towards the flowing river. I don't want to break the silence between us, partly because I have no idea what to say to Ethan.

The last time we met, he punished me by leaving me half-naked and unsatisfied, all alone as a form of retribution. The pain was excruciating. My soul felt like it was being torn into tiny pieces, and my chest ached as if a gaping hole had opened up inside me.

"I'm sorry for what happened," he apologizes so unexpectedly that my head snaps towards him. I'm trying to understand if I heard correctly or if Ethan Blake is really apologizing to me.

Ethan looks at me and instantly understands the reason behind my raised eyebrow.

"The way you act, the plans you make for the future," he gently places his hand on my knee and looks down at the grass beneath us. "It all reminds me of my first love," he says with a sad chuckle. "Only you're, of course, much more beautiful."

The unexpected confession and the glimpse into Ethan's soul make my fingertips go cold. My heart skips a beat, and my eyes sting with approaching tears.

"And what happened to your first love?" I ask softly, placing my hand over his in a gesture of support.

Ethan lifts his gaze to meet mine. I've never seen his eyes so alive, filled with despair and pain. It reminds me that he's a living, feeling person, not the unfeeling robot he sometimes seems to be.

"She left me as soon as I...," he grimaces. "Did the thing that got me sent here."

"I'm sorry..." I begin to offer words of comfort, but Ethan interrupts me with his story.

"Her name was Bianca, and I was head over heels in love with her," he says dreamily, looking back into his past. "I constantly gave her flowers, showered her with gifts, fulfilled her every whim. She swore eternal love to me, but it turned out eternity only lasted a couple of years."

Overwhelmed with emotion, I throw myself into Ethan's arms, completely forgetting why he had just apologized.

Only Ethan Blake can overshadow all his flaws, his atrocious behavior, and melt the ice that has covered my heart with a veiled declaration of love.