To Find What is Lost

Chapter 46: Nothingness

Hi guys!! long chapter today, (well long for me) and I tell you this was AMAZING to write, this whole chapter is EXACTLY the kind of thing I love to write more than anything, so I had to include it somewhere. The funny thing is it was never gonna happen either, just at the end of last chapter he somehow fell into unconciousness and I was like, how'd that happen? But then it did  and I just decided I can use this cuz everyone knows it's a bad idea not to roll with it when you get a burst of inspiration; so this chapter is here now! I said this a few seconds ago but this was the best part to write of the whole book so far so I hope you guys like it!! If you do happen to enjoy my story, then please press that little star up there (yes that one) it doesn't have any effect on you but it makes me so happy whenever someone does, and make sure to type any thoughts you have (be they negative or positive) in the comments for me to read through because you can be sure I read every single one. I'll stop talking now lol cuz this is already too long, but I just wanted to say thank you to every single reader out there whether you vote and comment or not, just knowing that people are reading and enjoying my writing means so much to me -Emmi 

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Deep in the depths of Tartarus everything had seemed dark and cold and hateful, like the night had run rampant and swallowed up the sun forever. This darkness was different. This darkness was like when you close your eyes; you know that what you're seeing is black, and yet it doesn't feel like it's anything really, neither light nor dark nor blank or colourful. It's a peaceful kind of darkness that lets you hang forever suspended in nothingness, the closest the human mind can get to comprehending infinity or the vacuum of before time.

To any person, let alone one whose past is marred by grief and suffering, the opportunity to feel so completely weightless and free of care would appeal to their feeble desperate human necessities. The desire to escape from pain and strife overwhelms the body and mind; yet as Nico hung there in the eternal void of beyond-life, one small thought flickered in his mind that was swiftly fleeing him. He sensed that the thought was important, and before it could fade completely he grabbed onto it and pulled it back to him. The thought was of a girl with long black hair and olive skin, and a beautiful woman like an older version of the girl in silver, of a boy with blonde hair and a wide smile and a man who played with shadows; a whirl of faces and caring souls that swept the son of Hades away with sheer passion. Every single memory of a loved one that swept past him ignited a spark in his heart, every familiar face meant something special to him though he couldn't remember why.

Who were these wonderful people? Could they really all be here for him?

As more and more spirits came to dance around him, the first one, the girl in silver who somehow meant more to him than anyone else in the circle, reached out a hand through nothingness. She was calling to the small boy who hung in nowhere, beckoning to him with a smile that made everything else fade away. Was the girl an angel perhaps? She seemed more like an angel than a girl. Bianca. That was the angel's name. As seconds trickled into the distance the angel spoke one word, "Nico," Desperately the boy knew suddenly that he had to get to her, hold her hand before she was gone again.

"Bianca," as tears of forgotten grief welled in the eyes of a little boy, he reached out and touched his loved one's fingertips, then darkness swallowed him again.

"No! Bianca!" The tears flowed over his cheeks as Nico was torn again from the sister he missed like fire. Nothingness was cruel, and before time could catch up he had come to a stop in the darkness, feeling it retreat around him until he found himself on a familiar hilltop. It was wretched of fate to show him an angel and then tear him away to a place he missed, wretched and cruel, so the son of Hades screamed and slammed his fists into Thalia's tree; under his fists it crumpled away, and there now stood a tall boy with golden hair and I warm smile. He wasn't Bianca, he wasn't an angel, but Nico knew as he looked at the boy that he loved the soul inside that body. As if copying the events of earlier, the golden boy reached out a hand to a poor lost boy; a little boy who had lost everything.

This time Nico was afraid to take the offered hand, if he did, would the golden boy disappear too?

Just as the angel had, the boy spoke one small word, "Nico."

So much emotion welled into that one word that the son of Hades felt tears in his eyes again, "if I take your hand," he begged desperately, "will you leave me as well?"

"Nico," the boy spoke as if he too was about to cry, and as Nico's hand wavered, the ground fell away and both boys tumbled into cruel nothingness.

As he fell the ghost king was surrounded by a terrifying scream of agony, it sounded like the victim was tearing themselves apart with despair. It seemed that he fell forever, and at some point he realised the scream was his own. "Will," he sobbed. The golden boy's name was suddenly clear to him. He had refused to take Will's hand, and now he was gone forever. If he hadn't hesitated, if he had reached out, if he had just trusted- then the darkness was gone again and he was in a small apartment overlooking a river. He recognised this place, he was sure of it.

The scream had stopped, and in its place there stood a beautiful woman. She was like an angel too, like Bianca only older. Nico knew what she would do even before it happened, and when the caring hand reached out to him, he couldn't take it.

With a scream of fury and fear and pain he turned and ran, far far away, breaking through walls of darkness as everything crumbled around him. In a few unintelligible seconds he was all alone in the cold nothingness again. If there was more to come, Nico couldn't feel it. In despair, he fell to the floor in a curled foetal pose; trying desperately to hold his heart and lungs together in one piece as they fought to break out of his chest. Strangling sobs tore through him, and the only thing he could bear to do was clutch his chest with trembling hands and cry as if all the rivers of the underworld were escaping through his eyes.

The ghost king wanted to give up, he wanted to be swallowed by numbness and never surface.

And then.

Then there came a voice, ringing through his ears, and it wasn't coming from the darkness. It entered his mind like nails on a chalkboard, screeching through the nothingness with a thick sense of reality. Nico welcomed the jarringness, it took his attention away from how his heart was withering and screaming, away from the loss all over again of his sister, his mother, and even Will who he thought would be with him forever.

He was in too much pain and despair to recognise the voice, though he knew it well.

"Nico! Nico wake up! Fuck don't die."

The voice spoke again, but this time it wasn't speaking to him. "His heart's stopped! He's not breathing."

Nico was shocked to feel his body jolted as if someone was gripping his arms and then again to feel a hand touch his face lovingly. There was the sound of someone being pushed aside and now a voice spoke that he would recognise even through the darkest of agony.

"Nico," the voice was almost a whisper. "Nico please, come back to me."

As he heard the voice Nico could have laughed, Will wasn't gone, he was still there and still depending on Nico to come back. He had another chance to take the hand of the one he loved, and he would rather sell his soul than miss it.

With a gasp, the son of Hades' eyes shot open. Above him was a face he loved so much it hurt. Heedless of the tears pouring over his face, he realised that his hand had shot out unconsciously; reaching desperately for his boyfriend's hand, he would make sure that he would never again hesitate to take the hand of a loved one.

"Will," he whispered, fingers reaching out. As the golden boy sobbed with relief his eyes fell on Nico's outstretched hand. He smiled with delight and quickly moved to intertwine his fingers with his boyfriend's; squeezing his hand softly.

"It's alright now Neeks," he whispered back, "It's all over. You're safe."

Never again would the ghost king fail to trust the word of his friend, and with a peaceful sense of security and the feel of Will's hand in his, Nico was swept away into the open arms of sleep. Not the cold nothingness this time; just sweet, familiar sleep.