the island lighthouse - jj maybank vs. rafe cameron

chapter six: the curse of the island woman

jj. 

 every single atom in my body was electrified. my mind was everywhere and my skin felt hot to the touch. the thing i had been dreaming about for weeks...just happened. the woman of my dreams was fast asleep on my chest, her face glowing from the moment we just had. her hair perfectly placed, and wild all at the same time. she snored softly, and i felt my breathing sync with hers. i was home. i could die right here and be fine. she was home. 

as i felt myself drifting off into a sleep, i heard a phone ring. i quickly reached for my phone but i saw that it was off and silenced. i look over at lexi and see that she was still sound asleep. i chuckled at her ability to tune out the marimba theme from her phone. i gently reached over her to silence her phone so she wouldn't wake up. as i was about to press decline, my eyes glimpsed the caller id. the post sex glow drained from my body and was replaced with anger as my body took over and pressed the green button. before i could even say anything, he started to ramble off.

"lexi, i'm sorry. i am so so sorry. i don't know what got into me, and i didn't mean to scare you. it's just that-...you are the most incredible woman i've ever met. no one here is like you. your like an addiction i can't quit, an addiction i don't want to quit. you mean the world to me and you are the person to ever get me to open up like this so please please let me see you. i need to see you-...lexi, i need just need you." 

the words he spoke were still processing in my mind. lexi and rafe have a relationship. lexi and rafe are together. lexi and rafe- 

"who's that?" i hear her sleepy voice mumble. my heart was beating a mile a minute. i was in disbelief. how could she like a guy like rafe? rafe was the epitome of evil. he was a figure eight monster who lavished in the torture of the pogues. she was supposed to be a pogue. but here she is sleeping with the enemy. 

"it's the man you've been fucking." i blurted quickly with anger in my voice. she looked at me as if she had no clue as to what i could be possibly talking to. i got up and threw her phone on the bed. she looked at the caller id, her face dropped into guilt. i quickly pulled my shirt over my head and pulled up my pants. 

"jj! jj, wait!" she called out, getting up. she reached for my arm and i yanked it from her grasp. 

"please, let me explain!" she pleaded. she ran to the door and blocked it. 

"move." i growled. she nodded her head, tears brimming her eyes. 

"no. i won't let you go until you hear me." she stated. 

"alexis, i don't want to say anything i'm gonna regret. so move the fuck out the way before we both regret it." i said, barely above a whisper. my head hurt with all the thoughts i had going on my mind. 

"i met rafe at the country club. he invited me to a party on figure eight. one thing led to another and-...and we've been seeing each other. but i promise you we haven't sleep together." she explained. 

"so what, one dick wasn't enough you had to go and take your pussy on an island wide tour? the cut one day, figure eight the next? where does the community slut want to go next?" i spat. when the words left my mouth i immediately regretted. but i especially regretted it when i saw her reaction. i've never seen anyone more hurt or shocked. her lip started to quiver and those big brown eyes were glossed over with tears. soon, she began to sob. 

"jj, how c-could you-..." she couldn't even finish the sentence. guilt and regret twisted around in my stomach. at that point she walked away from the door with defeat and shame on her shoulders. i reached for the door knob but hesitated. i turned to look at her and saw she was in a ball on the floor, with her hands covering her eyes and her back facing the ceiling. i knew what i said deeply hurt her. and even though i felt betrayed right now, she didn't deserve that. no one did. 

i had to leave. me staying would only make it worse. i couldn't fix this one. 

alexis. 

i couldn't believe my ears. i felt this burning sensation in my chest as i sobbed. soon i started hyperventilating, choking back sobs. i heard some calling my name faintly. soon i realized it was rafe, who was still on the phone. i reached for the phone the best i could, gripping onto it weakly as my hands shook. i knew what this was. a panic attack. i've had them since i was little. triggered by upsetting news or events.

"i'm coming over." i heard rafe say as he hung up the phone. within minutes, i heard my window being pushed up, and rafe crawled in. he rushed to me and engulfed me in a warm hug. i sobbed in his arms, holding on for dear life. he rested his chin on my head. 

"it's okay. i'm right here, baby. i'm not going anywhere. it's okay." he reassured me. he rubbed my back and i felt myself calm down slightly. 

"look at me, baby. we're gonna breathe together. okay? ready? in slowly through the nose...out slowly through the mouth." my first few attempts were awful. shaky, interrupted sobs. but eventually, my breathing was somewhat normal. he leaned over to my side table and grabbed my water bottle. 

"here, drink." he said. i took a few sips on the luke warm water and felt it slide down my throat, stripped raw for crying. he just held me and kept reminding me to breathe. soon, my panic attack passed. 

"i heard what happened. i am sorry that that asshole said that. you know it's not true, right?" he spoke softly. 

"i feel like it. he's right. i only slept with him because of what happened between us on the beach." i said. 

"i-...i'm sorry about that too. i couldn't process that i just told you how i felt just like that. you have that effect on me, you know that? you make me feel things i've never felt before. like...like love." he finally said. i looked up at him. 

"i can't hear this right now." i said. 

"i'm sorry." he quickly added. 

"stop apologizing. and just be present." i said, trying not to think of the events of the day. 

"i can do that." he whispered, as he took me back into his arms. i melted into his thick vanilla bourbon cologne and drifted off into a deep, deep sleep.