NO TIME TO DIE

GUILT

NO TIME TO DIE CHAPTER 31 : GUILT

A FANFICTION ON AMC'S WALKING DEAD SEASON 3 EPISODE 5 : SAY THE WORD

Jaime's ears continue to ring like a siren as she glances around at the faces of shock and horror that the group holds before watching Rick take an ax and charge back into the cell block, his posture tense and his mind focused. Jaime blinks repeatedly, her mind dizzy and her world spinning as she feels faint and drops to the concrete floor and blinks repeatedly trying to regain focus. She then glances up to the sun, feeling the warm sun strike at her tear-stricken skin before turning to see Daryl shake his head "Na ah. No way. Not her. We aint losing another one. I'm going on a run."

"I'll back you up." Maggie tearfully says and Glenn nods his head "I'll come to." Jaime wants to go with but even she knows that she isn't in the right state of mind at the moment and keeps her head down, hearing Daryl's bike start up and drive off. The silence grows like a heavy fog as Jaime recalls memories of Lori smiling and laughing, yet they are soon overwhelmed by the gruesome state of the blood pouring from her pregnant belly and her face going pale from death's clutches. The memories are soon silenced when Jaime hears footsteps walk towards her and looks to see a pair of scuffed boots with parts of the leather missing that she knows all to well. 

Jaime glances up to see Beth, who's eyes look down at her with pity and offers her hand to the brown haired girl who hesitantly takes it. Beth slowly brings Jaime up to their cell and helps the girl lie down and asks "Do you wanna talk?"

Jaime gulps and looks Beth in the eye "Did everyone else make it out okay?" Beth pulls her gaze away from the brown haired girl and shakes her head "T-Dog and Carol didn't make it." Jaime shakes her head and covers her mouth not wanting to sob and Beth sighs before rushing from the cell, making Jaime feel ashamed that she scared her friend off. Yet a few moments later Jaime hears Hershel's crutches and watches the old man take a seat next to her and sighs "Beth said that you don't want to talk. So I thought this could be a once off like we've done in the past."

Jaime runs her tongue over her teeth before looking the old man in the eyes and nods. Hershel smiles and takes out a notebook "When was the last time you had a good night of sleep?" Jaime bites on her bottom lip before answering "This morning. I thought that was a sign that today was gonna be a good day, and now Lori's dead, T-Dog's dead and Carol's dead. Three people died because of one asshole."

Hershel hesitates before laying a hand on the girl's shoulder and sighs "Carl told us that you were the one to make sure Lori didn't come back. You can't blame yourself for her death."

"Why not. I already blame myself for Dale's death despite that I had nothing to do with his death, but I put Lori down. I should have tried harder... I could have done more..." Hershel shushes her and quietly explains "Lori told me that Carl was a C-section birth. She had the C-section scar as proof. Chances are that Lori wouldn't have survived this pregnancy but this baby is alive because of you and Maggie."

"But Lori won't see her child grow. She won't see it's first steps or hear it's first words. If I had gone with Rick, I could have put that prisoner down and then you could have been there to help Lori." Jaime says before sobbing into her sleeve and Hershel brings the younger girl into a hug "Lori spoke to me before about what she wanted. She told me that no matter what, if she didn't get better, she wanted me to end her suffering. She didn't want Rick to do it and she certainly didn't want Carl to have to be the one to do it." He then pulls away from the hug and looks Jaime in the eyes  "So you have spared both Rick and Carl that action. That's what you did."

Before Jaime can say anything Carl walks in with the screaming child and pleads "She's still crying. I don't know what to do." Jaime sighs and opens her arms and Carl steps forward, laying the child in Jaime's arms who secures her hold and looks down at the baby. Jaime rocks the baby gently in her arms allowing the child to settle and stretch it's hands up grasping Jaime's chain.

'It's remarkable. The baby hadn't stopped crying ever since Maggie helped it cough and now it's as quiet as a mouse.' Jaime's eyes dart upwards, not up at the bunk or the ceiling but up towards a higher power and smiles sadly 'It seems someone's making sure that I'm looking out for it.' 

"I'll leave you two alone for a moment." Hershel says softly before struggling to stand and walks out from the cell, allowing Carl to replace the spot next to Jaime and looks down at the baby "I'm sorry Jaime." Jaime glances back at the younger grimes and raises an eyebrow "Why's that Carl." Carl keeps his head down and replies "I'm sorry that you had to do it. I should have been mature enough to put my mom down."

Jaime's mouth opens slightly in shock as she kneels down, holding the child in one arm securely and pulls Carl into a hug and whispers into his ear "Don't ever apologize for that, you hear me. I don't care if you're twelve or seventy three, I will never allow you to do something like that."

"But what happens if that happens to you." Carl asks softly and Jaime pulls back, to an arms length and stares Carl in the eye "That won't happen. I promise you. You and me, we're in the survivor club. Aint no one taking either of us out of it."

Carl smiles slightly and embraces Jaime once more and Jaime tightens her grip on both Carl and the baby who now gurgles for attention. Jaime pulls back and glances down at the child seeing an unhappy look on it's face and smiles before looking back at Carl "It's got the same unpleasant look that your Mom had when you did something stupid."

Carl scoffs and shakes his head "You also saw that look, some would say more than I did." Jaime returns to her seat and elbows Carl in his side "No, no you were always in more trouble. I remember those first days at the quarry. It was all 'Carl, don't eat random berries' or 'Carl, don't chase the fireflies.'" She glances down at the child in her arms and smiles "Your brother here is a schemer, and a doofus. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

"It's a girl. I just thought that you should know so you don't keep calling her an it. Seems like that it's still even in the Grimes family." Jaime tenses slightly remembering Lori's words 'I hope it's a little girl. I want her to be like you. I want her to be good and kind, to always carry a smile on her face and to be brave, like you've shown Carl.'

Yet another thought runs through Jaime's mind 'What does he mean still even. There's were and now are only three of them.' "Jaime? Jaime? Are you okay? JAIME!!" Carl yells and Jaime breaks out from her slight episode before glancing towards him "I'm okay. I'm okay. Just been a long day."

"Well we don't usually have short ones anymore. I miss the days where all I had to worry about was if I could go swim in the quarry." Carl says and Jaime smiles at this remembering the days that she would take Carl and...Sophia down to the quarry to enjoy the sun and the cool water.

"That was so long ago. I feel like everyday those memories simply disappear more and more as time goes on." Jaime says and Carl smiles sadly, and Jaime sighs and clears her throat and changes the topic "What are you going to name her?" Carl shrugs and stutters "W...W...Well I thought maybe Jacquie or Sophia, Patricia or Lori.... I don't know, usually the mom or dad name the kid don't they, and I don't know if Dad's in the right state of mind."

"Well these are unusual circumstances so I think you should pick. Don't want Daryl calling her something vulgar now do we." Jaime says making Carl laugh before taking the baby girl from Jaime and leans his head onto Jaime's shoulder, the older girl placing hers on top of Carl's head. "Jaime, is it mature for me to admit that I'm scared?" Carl asks softly and Jaime nods "Well my father said that everyone goes through life feeling scared." Carl glances at Jaime with his eyes raised and he asks "But then when are you meant to be brave." Jaime smiles and sighs "Well you can only be truly brave when you're afraid."

"That doesn't make sense but I believe you Jamie." Carl says softly and Jaime smiles softly. 'Don't worry Lori. I'll look after Rick, Carl and this little girl, I promise. It's gonna be difficult but I'll do my best.'