Unnatural Instinct: Alone

10.

I can't look at you. If I look at you, I'm going to lose it.

Why do you make me feel so much? Perhaps you're a witch like my mother? I begin to wonder. This can't be normal. I feel the tears prick my eyes and I can't understand why. Yes, you could have died, but you're only you. No better and no worse than any other creature in these woods.

The poisonous juice staining your hands is gone and I can't believe you're so stupid. I release your hand and you pull it to your chest. Your eyes are wide and I know I've frightened you but I'm saving your life.

'Foolish villager,' I say again, this time in a croak. My throat feels like it has a bubble in it and it takes all my effort not to let it rupture.

'I'm sorry,' you whisper.

I push myself to my feet. 'We should go back.'

I want to take your hand but I don't think you'll want that, so I start walking ahead, expecting you to follow. I pause when I don't hear your footsteps. 'Are you coming?'

'There's more,' you say in a small voice.

'More what?'

'More berries.'

I turn to you with a start. Your face has drained of all colour.

My heart is pounding. 'Where?'

'In my dress back in the cave. I found them before you ... before you picked me up. I didn't eat any, though! And it was several hours ago.'

I try to be calm. 'It could still have an effect. It may still affect you.' It may still kill you. This time I do hold out my hand. 'We must go back. Now.'

Your hand is trembling as you slide it into mine. 'I'm sorry.'

I don't say anything. I can't say anything. That bubble in my throat has expanded twice in size.

My heart continues to pound as we walk back. I'm watching you carefully. We walk quietly with seemingly nothing wrong. Once we're close to home, however, the corners of your mouth droop and you start to hunch over. You're trying to cover it up but I can see how the sweat beads your forehead.

I stop. You look up at me with an encouraging smile I don't believe for a minute. I don't bother to ask your permission as I lift you into my arms.

'I'm okay,' you say, but your throat is thick with tears.

We're only partway up the mountain when you lose the strength to even hold yourself up. I let you sag. Now, you start to cry and it hurts my chest. Your eyes have sunken in your head.

I pick up the pace. There's nothing I can do except comfort you and hope that your body can fight it off. You look strong. You're only small but you look strong!

It's deep into the afternoon when I reach my cave. Sweat beads your upper lip and your eyes are closed as I lower you into my bed. The first thing I do is go over to your dress which is tossed into a pile upon the floor. I can't see any pink stains. Carefully, I lift it up and take it outside where I burn it.

Upon my return, you haven't moved. You're sweating and yet shivering, so I light the fire. Next, I take a rag, dip it into my bucket of water and kneel beside you as I lay it upon your head. Your eyes snap open, shining against the firelight as they stare into mine. I lean in as you try to say something but you choke and cough. Your teeth are chattering.

Instead, you grab my arm with your trembling hand and tug me down into the bed. I don't resist. You roll onto your side and pull in close, so close your breath is puttering against the nape of my neck. You hold me tight as you shiver. I throw the blankets over the top of us. Beneath them, I rub my hands up and down your back, up and down your arms, until you start to settle.

For a long time I hold you, unmoving. You're breathing heavily. I'm burning hot all over and I worry that I might be sick too. Refusing to pull the blankets away, I endure it.

I don't know how long we lie together before you stir awake. Your eyelids flutter open and you stare into my eyes. I think you look better but it's hard to tell in the gloom. At least you're not shivering. You say something in a croaky voice.

'What did you say?' I ask.

'Can you catch it?'

'No.'

'I feel better.'

'Good.'

'Have you been here the whole time?'

'Yes.' I pause as that bubble swells in my throat. 'I'm glad you're better.'

You lean in to kiss me on the cheek. I pull back with a start. You give an embarrassed smile, then press your face into the pelts. 'I'm sorry. I just felt like it.'

You roll over and sit up with a groan. While you're not looking, I touch my cheek. It's prickling, like you're still kissing it.

'Water,' you croak.

I stagger as I get up, dizzy, hot and confused. My body feels separate from my brain. I go over to the bowl and hand it over, standing back as you take a long drink.

'I feel like such an idiot,' you say. You blink against the firelight, then look up towards the smoke hole. 'It's dark.'

'You slept a long time. I didn't—I didn't know if you'd wake up.' The choke in my voice is embarrassing.

Your eyes glimmer against the firelight. You try to stand but your knees buckle and you stagger sideways. I rush over to catch you. And suddenly you're in my arms again. My heart is beating wildly.

You lick your cracked lips. 'I've never met anyone like you.'

I don't know how to answer that, uncertain whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. Taking my arm, you pull me down back into my bed with you. You're staring at me. I raise my hand to cover my face but you take it and draw it back down again.

'It's really not that bad.' Your eyes drop to my lips and then you're leaning in and kissing me right on the mouth. I jerk back with a yelp.

You pause. 'Don't you know what a kiss is?'

'You're not supposed to.'

'You're not supposed to?'

Your voice is high with surprise and it tugs at something between my hips. 'I-I don't know.'

'I've never really kissed before either.' You touch your lips.

I don't know what compels me to do it, but I'm suddenly brushing your hand aside so I can touch your lips myself. You stiffen. I yank my hand back. 'Sorry.'

'It's okay.' You grin. Then you frown and you sink back into the bed. You close your eyes. 'Those berries—is there anything else like them out there?'

I nod. 'Lots of things. But they're the worst.'

You don't say anything as your breathing turns long and deep. You start to snore lightly. Your hand is resting upon your chest and all I want to do is to take it in mine and hold it. Your lips are plump and flushed against the firelight. Your lashes are long and black, your cheeks smooth and soft. I dare to press my fingertips against one of them. You don't move. I never expected another human being to be so lovely. My mother certainly wasn't. I'm not.

I want to touch your lips again but control myself. Instead, I pull the pelts over you and turn to my fire. I stoke the dying flames, then go over and retrieve my squirrel carcass. You're going to be hungry when you wake up and I want to be ready.

I've never wanted to be more ready in all my life.