Buddie (Eddie x Buck) 9-1-1 one shots

my beloved ghost and me

AN: had a revelation that i was a pioneer for Buddie fic and felt a call to return to this work. Also! cannon bi!Buck 🙏
Summary: Angsty Buck drabbles post season 7. (Minus Bobby not being captain, that is a beast for another day. Also minus Tommy)

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Buck prides himself on his growth as person and friend, so when Eddie takes a leave and asks Buck for time without him, he takes a step back. Hesitantly, of course, with many reassurances on his part that he is only a phone call away. But he gives Eddie space to seemingly discover who he is outside of Chris, since Chris was gone, and would remain gone for the foreseeable future. Buck would toss at night with anxiety-driven dreams during this period of no contact with Eddie.

(Eddie, bloodied and bruised, knuckles wrapped. Eddie, locked in his destroyed room after discovering all his friends were dead. Eddie, his blood pooling on the hot concrete and dripping down Buck's face into his mouth.)

Buck sat with this feeling night after night. Every notification buzz sent a course of a fucked up combination of dread and hope through his veins. He found himself comparing this to when Maddie ran away, for which he mentally berated himself. "Eddie isn't Maddie, Maddie isn't Eddie." his inner voice would chant. Eddie was a close friend and coworker, but he shouldn't care about him as much as he does right now? Right?

Regarding how everyone else was coping... Shifts at the house passed like not much had changed. Bobby had allowed for Eddie to take a leave of indefinite time, trusting that he'd return when he's ready. Hen and Chim continued their banter, which helped Hen to keep her mind off of the upcoming court dates regarding her and Karen's license to foster, as well as getting their child back home with them. Everyone acting as if a part of the world wasn't missing. His world.

That wasn't the worst part. The worst part is when someone would approach him and ask if he's heard from Eddie lately.

"Hey Buck, do you have a minute?" Chim asked as he jogged to catch up to Buck in the parking lot after a shift.

Buck cheerfully responded, "Yeah Chim. What's up?"

"By chance, have you..." he started. "Have you heard from Eddie? After, y'know." Chim finished as he gestures widely with this hands.

A pang of everything hits Buck. He really tries to ignore the ghost of Eddie present in every corner of the firehouse. He forces his gaze away from "Eddie" still posted above a locker next to his own. His hands itch to check his phone at all points of everyday, but he resists picking it up. He got sick of seeing his empty lock screen. But here he was. Chim picking at the mixture of proteins, platelets, and blood that made up this scabbed wound. After a beat: "I have not, no." Buck responded simply.

"Right." Chim said and the moment ebbs into awkwardness. The ensuing silence is short lived as Chim bids his farewell to Buck as he leaves Buck standing in the parking lot. Buck finds it in himself to remove his glued feet from the ground and walk to his Jeep and get in.

He sits and sighs, looking to the sky and wonders "Why must it hurt this much? It's not even a big deal, compared to everything in our past."

The next-worst part of the never ending shit list that has come from Eddie's leave is Buck's own mind. Sometimes the voices and chatter of his coworkers fade into the background during shift meals as he thinks about the past. He questions whether this is what it felt like when he himself left the 118 all those years ago. Even worse, he thinks, as he did sue the department. He imagines the lost feeling he has from Eddie leaving times 10 and figures that's how his friends felt back then. He's spent enough time wishing to turn back the clock and shake some sense into his past self. Tell himself that this won't fix anything and, in fact, it'll make it so much worse.

This is how Buck spent his days until Eddie returned to the 118 with a new look and suspiciously positive attitude.

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AN: might to a part two of this? probably less depressing and more soft. Thoughts?