Hidden desires

Chapter 4: Lingering Pain

Chapter 4: Lingering Pain

The days grew shorter as autumn gave way to winter, and Hogwarts was soon blanketed in a soft layer of snow. The castle felt more like home than ever, but for Harry, it was a home filled with tension and uncertainty. Despite their tentative embrace in Snape's office, things had not progressed as smoothly as he had hoped.

Harry found himself constantly thinking about Snape, their conversations, and the fleeting moments of connection they had shared. But Snape remained as inscrutable as ever, their interactions still fraught with unresolved emotions and unspoken words.

One afternoon, Harry decided to seek out Snape again. He needed to clear the air, to understand where they stood. He found Snape in his usual haunt, the Potions classroom, hunched over a cauldron.

"Professor," Harry said, entering the room.

Snape looked up, his expression immediately guarded. "Potter, what is it this time?"

Harry took a deep breath, steadying himself. "We need to talk. About us. About what happened."

Snape's eyes narrowed. "There is nothing to talk about. What happened was a mistake."

Harry felt a pang of hurt at Snape's words. "A mistake? Is that all it was to you?"

Snape set down his stirring rod and turned to face Harry fully. "Yes, Potter. A mistake. One I intend not to repeat."

Harry's temper flared. "You can't keep doing this, Severus. You can't keep pushing me away and then pretending nothing happened. We shared something real, and you know it."

Snape's expression hardened. "You are a fool if you think this can work. You are blinded by your own desperation and need for validation."

Harry recoiled as if slapped. "That's not true. I care about you, Severus. This isn't about validation or desperation. It's about us."

"Us?" Snape sneered, his voice dripping with disdain. "There is no us, Potter. You are a naïve, insufferable child chasing after a fantasy. Grow up and face reality."

Harry's heart felt like it was being squeezed in a vise. "You think I'm a child? After everything we've been through? After everything we've done together?"

Snape's eyes flashed with something dark and bitter. "Yes, Potter. You are still a child. A child playing at being an adult, grasping at straws for something that can never be. You think you can save me? Fix me? You are delusional."

Harry felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. "I never said I wanted to save you, Severus. I just want to be with you. But if you can't see that, then maybe you're the one who needs to grow up."

Snape's face twisted in anger, his voice rising. "Get out, Potter. I have no time for your childish fantasies."

Harry stared at Snape, his heart breaking all over again. "Fine. If that's what you want."

He turned on his heel and walked out of the room, his vision blurred by unshed tears. He could still hear Snape's harsh words echoing in his mind, each one cutting deeper than the last. He had hoped for a breakthrough, a step forward, but instead, he had been met with rejection and scorn.

Harry wandered the castle aimlessly, his mind a whirlwind of emotions. He eventually found himself in the library, seeking refuge among the stacks of books. He sank into a chair, burying his face in his hands. The pain of Snape's words was almost unbearable, a stark reminder of how far they still had to go.

As the hours passed, Harry's anger faded, replaced by a deep sense of sadness and longing. He knew Snape was pushing him away out of fear and self-loathing, but it didn't make the hurt any less real. He wished he could make Snape see how much he cared, how much he was willing to fight for them.

But for now, all he could do was wait and hope that one day, Snape would let down his guard and let him in.