Repulsion

Christian- Blondie

"So, tell me why you decided to start having these sessions?"

My eyes lift up to stare at the ceiling. Why am I here? I could be practicing or hanging out with my friends right now. 

But instead I'm stuck in a small office, with Mrs Sherman staring at me, patiently waiting for an answer. Although this is my first session, I'm sure it will be my last. 

"Because of what happened to me at my last competition" I finally respond. I sit up straight in the uncomfortable chair.  

"Could you elaborate for me?" Mrs Sherman pushes, tilting her head to the side, just like my dog Iris does. 

I find myself smiling at the thought of Iris. I wonder what she's doing right now, probably chasing a butterfly or terrorizing my cat, Jules. 

"Chris?" I blink a couple of times, my mind refocusing on her question. What was her question again?

"Do you want to tell me what happened at your last competition?"

"Right...." I clear my throat loudly, focusing my gaze on the wall behind her. 

"I'm good at swimming" I begin. "It's my thing, it's always been my thing"

"Every competition, I can't wait until my head hits the water, because I know without a doubt that I'd perform well"

"But last week...." I inhale sharply. I can feel my face darken as I get to the topic of the competition. 

I haven't yet said to anyone what happened before the competition. It sounds pathetic to say out loud.

We both sit in silence for a few seconds.  

"We don't have to talk about it right now, it that's what you want"

I fight the eye roll begging to be released. Can she stop babying me. I'm a grown man for goodness sake. I clear my throat again. 

"I was waiting for my turn and watching the other teams race" 

"I was thinking about how I needed to step up my performances to leave everyone speechless"

"That's when, I started to feel this weird sensation in my stomach"

"Like butterflies?" Mrs Sherman chimes in.

"No, I felt like I need to throw up"

"So I quickly ran to the changing room"

"Then I just couldn't breathe"

"What do you mean you couldn't breathe?"

"Like I sat down on the floor, holding my chest" I inhale sharply. "I was inhaling, but no air was coming in, it just came out of nowhere"

"I was so scared"

In the corner of my eye, I can see Mrs Sherman nodding slowly. 

"It all happened so quickly,"

"Then I was breathing again"

I finally look at Mrs Sherman. Her face reads nothing. I hadn't realized my hand had been resting on my heart just like in the changing room. 

This is too much. 

I pick up my backpack from the floor and quickly swing it over my shoulder. She quickly sits up in surprise.

"Sorry, I have to go, Mrs Sherman" 

"Chris?" I stand up from the hard chair. My ass hurts. 

Mrs Sherman stares up at me in a confused, yet understanding way. But that's stupid because she doesn't understand what it's like to just stop breathing out of nowhere. Is it just me that gets that? Do I need to see a doctor?