So, I usually always keep my notebook out at work, and write down every thought, almost every thought, in the notebook. But lately it had been hurting my neck and shoulder as I don't have enough space on my desk for everything. So, while paper and pencil (I refuse to use pen, I don't like it that you can't erase it) feels nicer, more, hands on and somehow liberating, I think I will try to type things, on Wattpad so i could keep it, for a while and see. If my shoulder stops hurting, if it helps with my anxiety and restlessness, as scribbling things down in a notebook does, or not. One of the perks is definitely that it will look like I am working. So that is good. I think I will buy a laptop stand. It's for 2k in Don Quixote (donkey! XD) So, let's also give that a try. A little scared of being caught here though. The desks (same desk actually, it's like a long table, with chairs and people's system lined up) are kinda too close for my comfort.
Damn, also, I have so much to say. Writing on Wattpad is like talking to someone, so the things I want to write down increase exponentially, because I only write present thoughts in a notebook, but Wattpad makes me want to recall everything going on lately and write them all down.
So, I do not remember what the last update was. So I will start with all the new stuff. (Starting from July). Switched my job. Moved to Pragya's company. Had around 2 weeks of holiday in the switching time, but I wasted the whole thing, well, untrue, but used up the whole thing instead of relaxing. But I went to a couple of nice places (Art Aquarium museum and Teamlab Borderless), met Braha like 4 times (Twice after starting the new job) and did my house search. And paperwork. But the paperwork is unending and is still going on. And, drumrolls, found the house and moved in on August 11th. Now it is September. And slowly I am easing into a routine, that is relaxing and soothing.
About the job. It is nice that I get a chance to talk to a friend everyday.
Oh well, don't expect me to write coherently all the time and not keep going on tangents. This is why I prefer the notebook. So sleepy! Also need to put all my work related questions together. Yup, notebook is still needed. Should do both. Will also write this chapter and get it all out of my system.
So, there are free (non-alcoholic) drinks at office. Oh, beverages, that is the word to give you the right idea. Dinner buffet, but a lot of red meat, so I have less option. I have very stubbornly stuck to the idea that I will not eat red meat. I am not sure why, but I really don't want to. So, I am saving quite a bit of money, and effort that will go into buying coffees and making dinners. Also, work timing is 10 - 7. Though I usually try for 9:30 - 7, have that little bit of overtime. We were told to put the dinner down as break, but seems like no one is doing that, so, I will stop too. Yup.
My fridge stopped working. Brand new and it's not cooling T-T What should I do about my ratio of working and typing, and just reading books? I need to binge read fictions now. Go to libraries! I still haven't been to even one! I need to go. Do things you like and enjoy. Also look into pool, yes. Do things, engage in activities. Do things for yourself, take care of yourself, pamper yourself, connect with yourself, body and mind.
Fridge repair is scheduled for 14th. Quite a bit of time, if I am being honest. I am managing, will admit that having dinner at work really helps reduce my work (household chores). Okay, got the notebook out. I prefer to have my thoughts and questions organised. Writing down work related questions on Wattpad is going too far.
I feel hopeful and excited about things now. I watched many anime recently. In love with this anime called "A condition called love". Even ordered the manga! Along with Natsume Yuujinchou! This makes me so happy! Yes. I am really very happy right now. Savour it more. This anime made me want to eat breakfast in the morning, go to libraries (along with Anushka's post about the libraries) and, fall in love XD But I think, no, not this year. Let's take it slow and use my energy to make myself happy. It7s been a while since I felt so free and had so much of my brain capacity dedicated just to myself. It is wonderful. Yes, I need to write things down to feel them better. Make things more, tangible somehow. Like, all these tangled feelings are being carefully separated and put into their places, lovingly. there is love and care involved. The love and care I want to put into other people. Oh. Yes, this is why it is so lovely. Putting that care into myself, my thoughts and feelings, and the events and happenings of my own life. This is actual self care. The hours have not felt enough till now, but slowly they are. Dedicate, make time for yourself, things that you love. Relax, unwind, do things slowly. I felt happy washing the dishes day before yesterday. Just for me, just mine. Cleaning the dishes at night in my own time, just for myself. No one else that will make me feel influenced or self conscious for doing things in any one way. You know, I never did breakfast in that house, cause of the dishes. Worried about the smallest, most trivial of the things. I will reach out to people, soon enough. This month, September, is just for me. Yes, this month is just for me. Romanticise every little nice thing, live in your head, live in a bubble of happiness and contentment and the feeling of floating above things. I feel like I can finally feel all these nice feelings I had been pushing down earlier for, "when I have time". This right here, was the reason I liked coming to office. The peace, the lack of distractions, how you can just relax a little and go over your thoughts and feelings in peace, with no chores that need to be done. It is indeed very nice. Let me get my sleep schedule on track.
I started watching this show - Kevin can fuck himself. It is lovely. i am watching it in parallel with rewatching A condition called love. I finished the anime in 2 days. It was so good, the feelings it wraps you in. But I was thinking even while watching it, I should savour it, so I am rewatching it slowly again, savouring it this time.
Haha, I once again don't want to work at all. I worked very diligently on Tuesday, with music. yup, properly appreciating the peace of listening to music for hours. I had not been able to do that at Temairazu, and definitely not at home. Anyway the time I have at home is so little. Yup, even now, once again, the feeling is, I barely get any time to just be at home. I am not feeling full on anger right now, but there is this little sadistic, no, there has to be a word for this feeling, finding a tiny bit of pleasure in your own resentment, that bitter smile of, vindictiveness? is it? I suffered, but I was right, see, I was right. This makes me think that she never thinks of other at all. Not, what is going through their head, what is their experience, just no thoughts given to anyone else.
Okay, I ended up getting a ton of work, so busy doing that shit from last few hours. Will contiue later. This gets posted in the meanwhile.
