Picture To Burn [CL-16]

24. I Can Do It With A Broken Heart

Cause' I'm a real tough kid,
I can handle my shit...

***

Charles Leclerc

I was fucked. Badly.

For months, I had tried to keep my distance, convinced that getting involved with Aspen again would only lead to disaster—for her, for me, for both of us. But there she was, lying beside me, her head resting on my chest, her delicate body curled up next to mine. And I didn't know how to feel about it.

No, that wasn't true. I knew exactly how I felt, and it scared the hell out of me.

It wasn't supposed to happen again. Last night had been reckless, a complete mistake. At least, that's what I told myself when I kissed her. But once I started, I couldn't stop. The feeling of her lips against mine, the way her body responded to every touch, it was overwhelming. And now here we were, in the aftermath, naked and tangled up in each other like it was the most natural thing in the world.

It wasn't.

This was dangerous. Not because of the public fallout or the potential drama with Gina, but because of what it meant for me. I couldn't fall for her. I didn't deserve someone like Aspen—she was everything good in the world, and I was a mess. Sure, people saw the charm, the confidence, but they didn't know what was underneath all that. They didn't know how screwed up I really was.

But Aspen, she saw me. Really saw me. And that terrified me.

I glanced down at her, watching as she shifted slightly, her dark locks falling in messy waves across her face. She looked peaceful, content, like she belonged there, between my arms, and for a moment, I let myself believe that maybe she did. Maybe this wasn't the disaster I thought it would be. But that was a dangerous line of thinking. She deserved more than this—more than me. And yet, I couldn't bring myself to pull away.

Because I wanted her. God, I wanted her so much it hurt.

The memories of last night kept replaying in my mind, vivid and relentless. She had been so raw, so unguarded, and it was the first time I had truly seen her that way—completely vulnerable, without her usual defenses. It shattered something inside me. I never wanted to be the one to break her, to make her question her worth or feel like she wasn't enough. Yet, deep down, I knew that if I let this continue, that's exactly what I would do. I wasn't built for this—relationships, emotions. I had fumbled through it once before, and I wasn't sure I had the strength to avoid the same mistakes.

Amélie had been everything I was supposed to want—the perfect girl in every sense. In another life, perhaps our story would have played out like a fairytale, with all the pieces falling neatly into place.

But with Aspen, everything was different. It was chaos and fire, euphoric and consuming. I wanted to shield her from the damage I knew I could cause, yet I couldn't fight the pull. How could I protect her from myself when every part of me ached for her?

She suddenly stirred, her voice soft as she muttered, "You're awake."

I forced a smile, trying to keep things light. "Barely." I teased, watching as she pushed a strand of black hair away from her face. She was beautiful—more beautiful than she probably realized, and it was moments like this that made me question everything. How had I gotten so lucky? How had I convinced her, even for a second, that I was worth her time?