Shadows Of Joy

chapter 20

Words Left Unspoken

The weight of the silence hung in the air as Avery and Luke sat side by side on the edge of the stage. Luke hadn't pressed her for answers, and she was grateful for that. He was just... there. And right now, that was what she needed the most.

Avery wiped her eyes once more, though the tears had long dried. She felt raw, like her emotions had been laid bare for the world to see, even though it was only Luke sitting beside her.

"I'm sorry," Avery whispered, her voice barely audible. "I didn't mean for you to see me like this."

Luke shook his head gently, turning his gaze toward her. "You don't have to apologize. Not to me."

She bit her lip, trying to stop herself from crying again. Luke always had a way of knowing what to say, and yet his kindness felt overwhelming in moments like this. She wasn't used to it not after years of being told she wasn't enough.

"I just feel so... lost," Avery admitted, her voice trembling. "Like, no matter what I do, I'm always a step behind. I'm always second best."

Luke was silent for a moment, as if carefully choosing his next words. "You're not second best, Avery. Not to me. And you shouldn't be to anyone."

"But that's what it feels like," Avery said, her voice breaking. "I'm always compared to Jenna. I'm always told that I'm not good enough. And I try, Luke. I really try, but it's like... nothing I do is ever enough for them."

Luke shifted closer, his hand brushing against hers in a small but reassuring gesture. "You don't have to be like Jenna. You don't have to be anyone else but yourself. They might not see it right now, but I do. You're brilliant, Avery. And the people who care about you they'll see it too."

Avery felt a flicker of warmth at his words, but the doubt still lingered, deep and heavy. She had heard similar reassurances before, but the voices of those who criticized her always seemed louder. How could she believe she was enough when the people who were supposed to love her most couldn't see her worth?

"I just don't know if I can keep doing this," Avery whispered, her voice hollow. "The pressure, the expectations it's suffocating."

Luke nodded, his expression softening even more. "I get that. And I know it's hard. But you don't have to carry all of this alone."

Avery met his eyes, and for a brief moment, she allowed herself to believe him. Luke had always been there, always supporting her even when she felt like she was falling apart. Maybe, just maybe, she didn't have to do this on her own.

"Thanks," Avery said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. "For being here. For always being here."

Luke smiled, a soft, genuine smile that reached his eyes. "I'll always be here for you, Avery. No matter what."

For the first time in what felt like weeks, Avery felt a small sense of relief wash over her. It wasn't enough to fix everything, but it was a start. She had Luke, and for now, that was enough.

---

Later that evening, after the overwhelming storm of emotions had settled, Avery found herself sitting at her desk, staring at her laptop screen. The bright glow of the computer was the only light in her otherwise dark room. She had an essay to write, assignments to finish, but none of it mattered right now.

Her phone buzzed on the table beside her, breaking her from her trance. She picked it up, her stomach tightening when she saw her mother's name flash across the screen. A message.

"Have you thought more about your college applications? You need to start planning, Avery. Time is running out."

Avery clenched her jaw, frustration rising again. No "how was your day," no "are you okay," just straight to business. Straight to more expectations she wasn't ready to meet. She didn't respond. She couldn't. Instead, she turned her phone over and let it rest face down on her desk, the screen glowing faintly through the dim room.

Her chest tightened again, the weight of it all pressing down on her as if she were drowning. Her mother's words echoed in her mind, but they were joined by her father's indifferent tone, her classmates' whispers, her teachers' subtle looks of disappointment.

The tears that had stopped earlier returned, burning at the corners of her eyes. She bit her lip, hard enough to stop herself from crying, but the pain in her chest was too much. It all felt too much.

And yet, in that overwhelming moment, one thought came to the forefront of her mind: I can't keep doing this.

She stood up from her desk abruptly, pacing the length of her small room. Her breaths came in short gasps as she tried to calm herself down, but it wasn't working. Nothing was working. It felt like the world was closing in around her, like there was no escape from the crushing weight of expectations, of always being compared, of always falling short.

Before she could stop herself, she grabbed her phone, her fingers shaking as she typed out a message to Luke.

"Can we talk? I'm not okay."

Her heart pounded as she hit send, her stomach twisting with anxiety. She wasn't used to reaching out like this. She wasn't used to admitting that she wasn't okay. But right now, she didn't know what else to do.

A few minutes passed before her phone buzzed with Luke's response.

"I'm on my way."

Avery's breath caught in her throat. She hadn't expected him to come over so quickly, but part of her was relieved. She didn't want to be alone. Not tonight.

Less than fifteen minutes later, there was a knock on her door. Avery quickly wiped at her eyes, trying to make herself look a little more composed, though she knew it was pointless.

When she opened the door, Luke stood there, his expression soft and concerned. Without a word, he stepped inside and wrapped her in a tight hug. Avery melted into his arms, her own wrapping around him as if he were a lifeline.

They stood there for what felt like forever, neither of them speaking, just holding onto each other in the quiet of her room. Avery felt the tension in her body slowly begin to ease, the weight on her chest lifting just a little.

"I've got you," Luke whispered, his voice steady and calm. "You don't have to carry all of this on your own."

Avery nodded against his shoulder, her tears finally falling freely. She didn't know what was going to happen next, or how she was going to handle everything, but for now, this was enough. Luke was here. She wasn't alone.

And maybe, just maybe, that was enough to get her through another day.