Answered Prayers.

TIME.

"Even if we both break down tonight
And you say you hate me, and we go to bed angry
I know everything will be alright
I'll be here waiting, I promise I'm changing
I just need.."

I laid with my arms on my stomach, my thoughts yelling thousands of words at me. For a while, I couldn't manage to get up out of bed. Or move at all for that matter. I looked at the time. 3 in the afternoon, not a word had been said today. She hadn't contacted me. I don't think she ever wanted to see me again. Finally, I manage to get up and reach for my phone. Looks like I had to make the first apology. Which was, honestly, completely valid. I read her name in her contact over and over. I was just stalling. I couldn't find the nerve to do it.

"A little time to show you I'm worth it
I know that I can be a difficult person
I'm a stress case, drive you up the wall when I'm workin'
Actually, I'm probably worse when I'm not, you don't deserve it."

She didn't answer, but I did leave a voicemail. "Hey, I wanna apologize for my actions, pride gets a hold of me and I'm sorry. I really am." I can't find better wording. Hell, I can't find any words at all. If it wasn't for my attachment I'd just let her go. But I couldn't. "I know you aren't gonna answer but," I pause and heave a sigh. "I'm really sorry, that was the old Nate you saw back there, the hurt and prideful one, but I'm attempting to change and to start I'm gonna be the first to apologize." My pride is being swallowed, but I hear it yelling in the back of my head. "And I understand if you need time to forgive me for yelling at you, and I can't promise I won't get frustrated, but I won't take it out on you anymore." Before I can add more words, the phone hangs up cause the time span for me to send a voicemail is up. I put down my phone, but as I do, it vibrates.

"Make you nervous 'cause you know I'ma break soon
Every time I do, I say somethin' that hurts you
Actin' like I'm gone, but we both in the same room
I don't like to be wrong, which I know you relate to."

It was (Y/n) texting. 'I will call you back! Busy busy rn'. So plain for being right after an argument. I was completely in the wrong and I knew it. Maybe she pushed it all aside and forgave and forgot, but that's unlikely. I wonder what she'd think of my voicemail. Guilt attacks me from all sides as I watch a blue heart emoji send. She deserves better. We've had small disagreements over this last month, but that was it, it was never like this. First fight huh? I've always heard that it means we trust each other and deep down we know they'll forgive. But that still isn't a good reason, I still should've bit my tongue. 

"And I know I make you feel like you're at the end of your rope
That's when I look at you and tell you I'd be better alone
Just the pride talkin', isn't it? 'Cause both of us know
I'm the definition of "wreck" if you look into my soul."

It's been a couple minutes and she's calling. I don't hesitate to answer, her sweet voice reaching the other side of the phone immediately. "Hey you!" She sounds like nothing even happened. Was she really over it already. And if she is, is that good or bad? "How're you doing?" I'm dumbfounded, so it takes me a moment to answer.

"I-I'm good but wait, hold up, you aren't mad at me?" I stammered into the speaker, earning a hum from her side. It shocks me. Honestly. Expecting a negative response to me calling, I seem to lose track of words once again. "Oh," Was all I could manage. "Did you hear my voicemail?"

"Yes I barely did. It was nice. I accept your apology." Now she sounds vague and blank. I can't wrap my head around how she could just go on about her day. I wasn't offended, just really surprised. Or maybe she was in public and couldn't react. "Look, I'm used to being yelled at. Daddy issues!" She laughs a little, attempting to humor the situation. But it didn't cover up the sad fact that she didn't have a good relationship with her dad. "I've never reacted to anyone ever treating me messed up though until two days ago. I've never spoken back cause I was scared of my dad. I'm not scared of you, so you should take that into note. You are never gonna scare me away." She sounded bold with her tone. Confident in her statement. Making me confident in what she was saying too. "I just needed to breathe."

"Comes out the most when I feel I'm in a vulnerable place
Made a lot of mistakes I wish I knew how to erase
When I'm afraid, might get distant and I push you away
But no matter the case, I'ma do whatever it takes."

She expressed that so calmly. Something that was hard for me to do. I'd learn how to eventually. She had a hard life like me, I knew it, but it was nice getting to know a little bit more about her childhood. "And even if we both break down tonight," She began to say after a sigh. "And you say you hate me, and we go to bed angry," She went on, me leaning back onto my bed. "I know everything will be alright." Her voice was shaky as if she was unsure it'd really be alright. I understood her fear. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it'll be okay. My eyes started to tear up at her words. Cause I believed them. With my whole heart. "And at the end of the day, when you're hurt, lonely, prideful, aggressive, or even just meh, I'll be here waiting." That part made me tear up a little.

"I promise I'm changing." I told her, taking in a shaky breath. "I just need time."