Untitled Journal Number Four

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Just a few more inches, and I'd reach it. If I could stretch just a little more...

Click.

The light buzzing in my ear cut out with a static pop. After a few seconds, the neon lights faded and the window showed the world outside. It was dark, streetlights cast cones of orange honesty among the secrets creeping in the night.

Soon my eyes adjusted and the world beyond the glass faded out to a narrower view of just my face.

This is what eighteen years looked like on me. I wasn't sure if I felt disappointed. I suppose I was in a neutral headspace. Mom told me I was easy to please, so maybe this year would be okay. Maybe the person I'd become as an adult would be something like the men in the movies. Something notable. Or maybe I'd stick to working at a pizza place every night to get through the next four years of college–if I got in.

I made a mental note to work on my application for the millionth time today.

"Do you wanna count drawers or take out the trash?" Jozie asked as I walked back to the front registers.

"Trash."

I had been training with Aubrie for the last two weeks to prepare me to become a closer. There had to be two closers aged eighteen or older to shut down the place after hours. She had explained to me that if it were me and a woman, she would be the one to count the drawers at night. The dumpster was in the back alley behind the building, and Aubrie convinced me it was too dangerous for a woman to go out there alone at night. So I would be on trash duty for nearly every closing shift I was scheduled for. It was an easy routine to follow. I wasn't opposed to it.

The black bags of garbage and old food sat bloated near the back door. I loaded them on the trash cart and made my way outside.

After the uneventful trip, I did a mental check of what was left to do for the night. Jozie was still counting the drawers, so I gathered the frozen dough out for the next morning. Sundays always had a brunch crowd, so I wanted to be sure our breakfast pizza was ready for the day ladies.

Closing up was easy. It was basically the opposite of opening in the mornings. I had done it with the day ladies for years over the weekend. The flow of tasks was easy enough to follow in reverse.

While I emptied the mop bucket, Jozie came out of the office.

"Liam's drawer was off by over a dollar, so our total looks a bit rough. I left a note for Cindy and texted Aubrie. She said we're good to go home."

"Sounds good."

After turning off the lights and locking the doors, we headed to the back parking lot. It was near the dumpster.

"I can walk you to your car," I said.

She didn't reply, but I matched my stride to hers anyway. Staff had to park in the farthest away spots to leave room for customers. Jozie's car was closer to the door while mine was a few spaces away. Even if she didn't want me to walk with her, I had to walk in the same direction. It was only natural.

When we got to her car she stopped and leaned against the driver's door to face me.

"What's your schedule for next week?" she asked. The streetlight hit her cheekbone casting a deep shadow over her bruised eye. Jozie was really good at martial arts. She often had bruises on her face. She said it was nice to get her blood pumping to distract from the monotony of school. Her black eye didn't surprise me. It's why she worked in the kitchen with me. We were both not the best with customers.

"Monday, Friday, Saturday." I wondered if I had talked too loud. She seemed to not notice. The night was so quiet. Would it be rude to interrupt the silent serenade of the moon? The sun was always breaking into the moon's majesty. Would it resent me for pretending to hold power like the sun? I wasn't the sun. I would sing with the moon, not in place of it.

"Did it change now that you're a closer?" she asked. Her eyes were looking behind me toward the street. A car was driving past. The engine roared in my ears.

Once the silence had returned I replied, "Cross country starts this week. I have meets during the week every day but Monday and Friday. Friday nights are football nights, so I figured they'd need some help around here. Saturdays were my normal weekend shift. So not too much change."

"Weren't you Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday during the summer?"

"It's not summer anymore. It's autumn."

"Touche." She said with a chuckle. I'm glad she thought I was funny. I wasn't trying. It must just come naturally to me.

I was about to leave when she spoke again.

"I'm Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday. So don't slack off on Monday, and I'll do the same for you on Wednesday. Aubrie trained me too, so I know you'll be a decent closer. Just don't get lazy."

"I won't."

"I know you won't. You're a good guy, Michael."

"Thanks," I paused unsure of whether my feet were too close together or not. Confident men stood shoulder-width apart. I widened the distance between my shoes. "Goodnight."

She waved to me and sat in her car.

I walked over to my vehicle and stood silently outside my door. Jozie drove off with a screech of tires turning left down Main Street. The silence returned.

I waited a bit longer before slowly exiting the parking lot and heading home to work on my college application.