Disabled I YM

14

Yoongis pov:

"Park Jimin didn't make it."

In that moment it feels like I'm dying. What do I have left to live for? This is the third time, the THIRD time a person I care about is gonna be taken away from me. My sight starts getting white and I can't see anymore. It feels like I'm not in my body anymore, I am outside, looking at myself. Oh no, this can't happen again. NO! NOOO!

Flashback

"Dr. Choi! When can I meet her again?!" I beg. I've never felt this helpless before. I can't help Jisoo. 

"You're too weak for that. I have to keep you laying down." The bitch says. 

"Can't you roll me in? Please!"

"I don't think you want to see her like this anyways."

"I do! Please, I do!"

"I'm very very sorry to inform you but your spouse miss Kim Jisoo isn't longer alive. She died in the accident. I promise you, we tried everything we could to help her. She were to hurt to be saved. I am sorry." 

End of flashback

My heart starts to cramp again. This must be the limit of how much a human can handle. I can't lose Jimin. I can't handle it. Never again can I lose someone I care about. I'm pretty sure I'm going to die now. Jisoo, who I loved more than anything and had my whole future planned out with, and now, Jimin, the guy who made me smile every day and made my house a nice place. I have lost both. This can't be true.

"P-please let me meet him. How much do you want? 100,000? 1,000,000? Please just let me see him!" 

"Sure. You don't have to beg, just come with me."

I roll after the doctor thru the corridors. White walls, everything looks the same but still so different. My arms feel so weak but I continue pushing myself forward. I have to see Jimin. I can't lose him without saying goodbye. Please!!

"Okay, so when you come in now. He will lay completely still. We have him on a machine that forces him to breathe, but as soon as we pull it out he will die. So, to be honest, he's not quite dead yet, but we're guessing the survival rate is about 1.2%. He's lost an awful lot of blood, and we didn't find the right type before he stopped breathing completely. If you're just calm and careful, you can walk in." The stupid doctor says. 

I nod a thank you to him and roll into the room. I see Jimin laying completely still in the bed. His face is gray and his eyes closed. I can't help but think how much like his mother he looks right now. It's so weird, less than 48 hours from now he saw her mom for the last time and now it's him laying in his death bed. 

Jimins head is wrapped in a bandage and his hair up in a bun. And he is wearing one of those hospital gowns. 

I roll my wheelchair to his bed and take his hand carefully. I start to talk. Time to say my goodbye.

"Jimin...how can you do this to me? Why did you leave me? We had just started to get to know each other. I liked you a whole lot. You fitted right into my gang. 

And I just wanna tell you how sorry I am. I'm sorry for overreacting. I'm sorry for forcing you out on the streets. This is all my fault. I remember now, I was the one pulling you closer. It felt right in the moment. But when I woke up I remembered Jisoo, and panicked. I just felt gross. I know it wasn't like that but it felt like I cheated on her. I promised myself not to be like that with anyone. And it felt like I betrayed her. I didn't like that feeling, so I took my anger out on you. That wasn't fair. I regret it. 

I'm so so sorry for forcing you out of that hotel room. It wasn't cool, and I understand that. I got our little road-trip to be about me, when it was about you and your mother. I hate myself for it. 

Now, when I see you getting ripped away from me, I regret it more than anything. You became my best friends during these short weeks, my family. The other caretaker wasn't like you! No one can replace you! Please come back! I'll pay more! All I want is you back! I'll do anything! Please! Please Jimin, I beg you!"

When I stop talking my tears start to run. I don't wanna say goodbye. Why does everything in life have to be goodbye?! Why can't it be hello instead?!

I'm sitting in the chair next to Jimin for hours. The clock on the bedtable just ticks and ticks. I'm talking to him, singing and telling him about my life. Because I heard somewhere that people in coma can still hear you. And if there's any chance Jimin can hear me I want to take it. That's why I keep talking. 

"You know, Jisoo. The love of my life. I met her when we were both 15. We were in the same class. When she came as a new student, I immediately fell in love. I had never seen such a beautiful girl before, you don't understand. Her hair was so shiny, and hung down over her back. I already dreamed of running my fingers through it. Her skin was so shiny, with rosy cheeks. Eyes so big. It felt like I could see her whole story in those eyes. But at the same time she was mysterious. You could never, calculate in advance what would happen when she raised her hand. She was either answering the question or make a joke. Then I always started laughing. Her laugh was the most beautiful sound I know."

As a signal my hand starts twitching. But the thing is...it wasn't me twitching. It was Jimin. 

I suffer from a brief shock before quickly pressing the "call a nurse" bottom. Soon after a nurse appears.

"Call a doctor! Get a doctor! He moved!" I scream. She closes the door quickly and runs away. Help is on the way. 

(How do you think Jimin will manage? Tell me. Also I wrote this instead of studing to an important math test so thank me please. xoxo Ellie)