Everywhere, Everything

xiv. Have I Been Away Too Long?

While she was packing up all of her belongings into the little trunk that had been sitting at the end of her bed for the past couple of months, Tigerlily realized with a harsh twist in her chest that she had been away from home for too long. The lengthiest period of time she'd spent somewhere other than the farm had not even been a full week, and even then, she had been with by her family. But this time, she could not believe it had already been two months. Never in a million years would she have imagined being apart from her brothers and her father for that long — it just didn't make sense. It's not that their absence in her everyday life had gone unnoticed, but only that Tigerlily herself still couldn't quite process what was going on.

    Half the time she spent at Hogwarts she felt like she was stuck in a dream. And while it was certainly a very entertaining one, sometimes that wasn't always good. On some days she felt like she was outside of her own body, looking over herself taking her classes and watching Quidditch practice. It only began to feel real when Oliver squeezed her shoulder, or when Hermione lent her a quill and the feathers brushed on her knuckles; feeling the dirt and soil on her fingers while repotting plants with Neville in the greenhouses made her feel warm inside, and every time Harry and her exchanged glances and little smiles in between classes she felt a little embarrassed, but very much alive as well.

    On Saturday the 21st, Tigerlily spent her entire morning anxiously pacing her side of the dormitory and fiddling with a bracelet Dennis had made her years ago. When she thought too hard about him, her eyes began to prickle with tears and she ended up locking herself in the bathroom until Lavender Brown came knocking on the door, asking if she could come in to get her toiletries.

    All of the girls in the Gryffindor first-year dorm were returning home for the holidays, and Tigerlily overheard Gracie David making plans with Fay Dunbar to go to some ice rink near their neighbourhood since their mums had agreed it would be "a fun time" for all of them to go together. It seemed like tradition, really, for parents to want their children back for the holidays at least during their first year. As the students got older, Tigerlily noticed, they began to hang back at school and spend their break with their friends at Hogwarts instead of with their families. She could never see herself doing that; she already missed home too much.

    Finally she finished packing her trunk and headed down for breakfast, which she had with Oliver. He, too, was going back home.

    "I live here — in Scotland — with mum and her husband," he explained to her that morning, cutting up a pile of sausages. "Muggles, both of them. They don't really mind that I'm a wizard, though. But I'll tell you what is a pain in the arse — having to travel all the way from Scotland to London and then back. Load of mince, if you ask me."

    Tigerlily laughed because it was a bit nonsensical, but she figured that was just the way the school worked and they couldn't do much about it. Anyway, Oliver didn't really seem to mind. After eating together he excused himself to go find his friends and catch up before leaving. Tigerlily decided she would do the same. She found Hermione talking with Harry, Hagrid and Ron further down the Great Hall and joined them, playing idly with the strings of her scarf.

     Hermione was handing the boys a list with the topics she believed Nicolas Flamel might be mentioned in so they could research them while the girls were away. Tigerlily joined them and waved.

    "What're you up to?"

    "Just saying goodbye," Hermione said, nodding approvingly as Ron folded the list and put it away in his pocket.

    "Oh," Tigerlily said, looking at the boys. "Uhm..."

    She didn't know what she was supposed to do, and she wanted to whack herself in the head with one of the floating candlesticks for it. Should she shake their hands? Hug them? No, that would be weird.