Agony (GEMINIFOURTH)

Chapter 49: Uncertainty

Gemini sat in his car, gripping the steering wheel tightly, his mind swirling with a mix of emotions he couldn't quite sort through. The entire drive away from Fourth's apartment had been silent, but his thoughts were anything but quiet.

Mark.

Phuwin's words replayed in his head over and over again. The idea that Mark had been trying to get close to Fourth for the past three years gnawed at him. But what really stuck with him was the fact that Fourth had always turned Mark down. No matter how persistent Mark had been, Fourth had rejected him time and again.

Does that mean Fourth hasn't moved on?

The thought sent a rush of hope through Gemini's chest, but it was quickly tempered by hesitation. It had been three years since they had broken up, three years of silence and distance. Could Fourth really still have feelings for him after everything that had happened? And even if he did, was there still a chance for them to find their way back to each other?

Gemini sighed, running a hand through his hair as he stared out the windshield, his heart heavy with doubt. He wanted to believe that he still had a chance—that maybe, just maybe, Fourth hadn't let go of what they once had. But then, just as quickly, his hope was overshadowed by the memory of his own mistakes.

What if Fourth doesn't want me back?

Gemini couldn't shake the guilt that had been haunting him ever since their breakup. The night he had slept with someone else—a mistake fueled by anger, alcohol, and a broken heart—had left a scar on their relationship that he wasn't sure could ever heal. Fourth had found out, and that betrayal had shattered everything between them.

How could he ever trust me again?

The weight of that thought pressed down on him like a leaden blanket. He had hurt Fourth in the worst possible way, and no matter how much time had passed, that betrayal still hung between them like a dark cloud. Could they ever get past that? Would Fourth even want to try?

The truth was, Gemini didn't know. He had been avoiding thinking about it for so long, burying himself in work, fame, and the whirlwind of his career. But now, being back in Thailand, seeing Fourth again—it had all come rushing back. The feelings, the regret, the longing for something he thought he had lost forever.

He had kissed Fourth the other night, and for a brief moment, it had felt like nothing had changed. Like they were still the same two boys who had once been inseparable, who had shared dreams and promises. But then Fourth had said they should pretend it never happened, and the hope that had flickered in Gemini's chest had been doused.

Does Fourth regret it? Gemini thought, his heart clenching at the possibility.

He had sent that message to apologize for the kiss, but what he had really wanted to say was something else entirely. He had wanted to apologize for everything—everything that had gone wrong between them, everything he had done to hurt Fourth. He had wanted to tell Fourth that he hadn't stopped thinking about him, that despite all the distance, all the time, Fourth was still in his heart.

But now, sitting in his car, Gemini wasn't sure if those words would ever make a difference.

Maybe it's too late, he thought, his chest tightening with a familiar ache. Maybe Fourth has already moved on, even if he's rejected Mark. Maybe it's not about me anymore.

And yet, despite the doubts, there was a part of Gemini that couldn't let go of the possibility that things could be different. That maybe, if he was brave enough, he could fix what had been broken. But the fear of rejection—the fear of losing Fourth all over again—held him back.

He let out a long sigh, feeling the weight of everything settle heavily in his chest. The hope, the guilt, the regret—they all battled inside him, leaving him feeling conflicted and unsure of what to do next.

Gemini glanced at his phone, his fingers hovering over Fourth's contact. He wanted to text him, to say something—anything—that might open the door to a real conversation between them. But what could he possibly say that hadn't already been said? How could he explain everything that was going on inside his head?

I still love you.

The thought hit him with startling clarity, and for a moment, Gemini felt like the air had been knocked out of him. It was the truth—he had never stopped loving Fourth, no matter how much time had passed or how far apart they had drifted. But saying those words now, after everything, felt impossibly risky.

What if Fourth doesn't feel the same way?

Gemini closed his eyes, leaning back against the headrest as he tried to quiet the storm of emotions swirling inside him. He couldn't keep going in circles like this. He needed to figure out what he wanted, what he was willing to risk, and what he was prepared to face if Fourth didn't want him back.

But for now, all he could do was sit in the quiet of his car, staring at his phone, wondering if he had already missed his chance.