A Fool's Revenge

You're Just A Cloud Of Smoke

I woke up and, you know that feeling when you wake up after a night of just full out bawling? That was what I felt. My eyes stung and my face felt bloated but I felt better. I had let it out; I didn't bottle it as much as I usually do so I felt somewhat relieved. Priscilla definitely made it a lot better by bringing me to MIW's bus, I don't know what I would do without that girl. She always knew the right things to say or do when I was upset and she never ever threw the fact that she always took care of me and helped me in my face when we got into our little spats. I knew she thought it but she would never say it. She's definitely the best friend anyone could ask for. She's not even my best friend, she's my sister; the only family I have that really loves me.

I carefully got out of my bunk and held my head as it throbbed as I walking into the bathroom to do my business and get some Advil. I washed my hands and walked out to get my coffee before I got ready. I started the coffee pot and grabbed a bottle of water from the mini fried to chase the pills down with. I took a few sips before I tossed it in my bunk and made a cup of coffee.

I walked to the back lounge and searched the channels aimlessly looking for something that would peak my interest. I settled on the news. I heard a door close and figured Danny was up.

He always was the one who got up around the same time I did. I was soon proved wrong on my assumptions when the door opened revealing James. I sat there, paralyzed in fear of what he might say. I knew he was pissed at me but I really didn't know what he would say to me or if he would just ignore me. He sat on the far side of the couch away from me and silently watched TV. I let my head drop in shame and just stared deeply into my light caramel colored drink.

"Why?" he cleared his throat and spoke timidly. I could tell he was hurt by the look in his eyes. At least they didn't hold the anger they did yesterday.

"I swear I didn't. He came up to me, I didn't even kiss him back, and you have to, just please believe me." I mumbled and whined a bit. He looked at me skeptically and pondered what to say next, I knew it couldn't be good as I saw his jaw tense up along with the grasp on his own cup. I he went to say something but stopped before any words reached the air between us. I looked at him anxiously waiting for him to say something but every time he went to, he stopped.

"James, I really didn't do anything. I honestly tried to ignore him and in no way wanted to kiss him." I said and he just nodded.

"I just don't get it." he mumbled, barely audible to my own ears but I looked at him in confusion.

"I don't get how no matter what happens between us, a piece of you will always love him. it kills me to know that." He sighed and at that moment, I could've easily burst into tears but I refrained.

I moved closer to him and looked him directly in the eyes.

"Part of me will always like him. James, you can't tell me that the first girl you ever really loved doesn't still cross your mind from time to time. Mike to me is just a friend. Him and I never work.

I have to talk to him so I can tell him that but I don't want to ruin a relationship, your friendship, by choosing you over him of him over you. I just really don't know what to do anymore. This is one of the reasons I left SD in the first place. You don't know how bad I just want to run away and go home right now. The only reason I don't is because I have a job to do and this is one of those opportunities for me, personally, to have to deal with all the shit that I have to. I can't run forever."
I wiped away a tear and sat back and just stared at the ceiling of the bus.

"I guess your right but I just hate the fact that it's always a competition and there's always a decision between me and Mike. I know the night we slept together didn't mean much but" I stopped him immediately.

"James, that night meant a lot more than you know. That was the first time I ever woke up from sleeping with someone and didn't regret it." I chuckled at his ignorance and shook my head in disbelief. He really thought it meant nothing.

"I think we should just be friends." He said out of the blue and totally off topic.

"Why?" I said with a little bit of hate dripping off my tongue.

"I don't want to pull you in two directions. Look at what's going on now! We're bickering about stupid shit. I really like you and all but I can't do this to you let alone myself. I'd rather be great friends than leave each other heart broken and never speak." He smiled weakly but I could tell this conclusion broke his heart.

"James..." I said and tried to figure out what to say

"Jayme, let's face it, we may like each other but with you having second thoughts and my record with girls, we would never work. I am nice but only to you, you're different. I will always look out for you but I really think we should keep this--- as just friends." He had some good points but I didn't want to hear it. I got up and left the room. I emptied my coffee into the sink and got dressed before walking off the bus, camera in hand. Had I really just been dumped by someone I wasn't even with? I literally just got friendzoned.

I stormed into the venue, fully ready to rip someone's head off if they fucked with me, and sat in a seat in the arena. It was very quiet seeing as doors still had a good six hours before the opened. I watched as some of the crew set up the stage for the handful of bands that would play in here today.

I violently kicked the back of the chair in front of me repeatedly until I felt a little better. I wanted so badly to just scream out my frustrations but since there were people in here, I couldn't. They looked at me briefly as I kicked the chair but soon went back to work.

"What are you doing up so early?" I jumped at the voice that was calling me out and looked to my side to see a worried, but smiling, Chris Motionless. Did shit like this always have to happen when I was pissed or sad?

"I guess I could ask the same." I chuckled but it was worthless as it only came out as more of a sigh.

"I always walk the venue early with a cup of coffee. Just chill out before the madness begins." He hopped over the row of seats skillfully and sat down next to me. He didn't have his stage makeup on or at least less of it; he still had a slight ring around his eyes from it though.

"I try to do the same." I smiled and relaxed a bit.

"It's nice to get away from the people you have to see twenty four, seven for a while. I hate being cooped up on the bus all the time." he sighed happily. I nodded and let my eyes wonder the arena. The guys that were previously working on setting up, had finished so it was quiet again.