chapter 5

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When Hannah woke up the next morning, the house was still quiet. She put the coffeemaker on while clearing away the mess from the porch table. After rinsing the cups from last night and putting her guitar back in the living room, she sat down on the porch steps and thought about yesterday evening.

She’d been the first to go to bed. After Emily left, Ben and Josh had kept talking, but she’d felt restless sitting next to them at the table. All she wanted to do was ask Emily more questions about Josh and the way he’d changed, but her friend wouldn’t be back until the barbecue. Of course, she had also grown increasingly annoyed with herself for backing out of a potential steamy-kiss-scenario with Josh. She was suchan idiot.

Her gaze drifted to the driveway. Ben’s car was gone, so he was probably visiting Josh in Naabi’aani today. Well, so much the better. She could do with a day of peace and quiet, without having to worry about other people.

At eleven o’clock, she got into the car and drove away with a backpack full of food and drinks, enough for the rest of the day. No idea what she’d be doing, but these provisions would keep her alive. On a sudden whim, she decided to drive to Page. The small town had a library she wanted to visit, although she couldn’t remember where exactly it was situated. The last time she had borrowed a book there was when she was fifteen.

Once Hannah had parked the car, she strolled to Church Row, a street with tiny shops, restaurants and a few old church buildings. A second-hand music store caught her eye. Several crates of vinyl were on display underneath the awning outside.

Wow, that shade looked really inviting. The heat outside was already scorching, and Hannah thankfully slipped under the protective canvas and rifled through the crate of records on the left, next to the entrance. She loved vinyl. One of her most prized possessions back home was a turntable.

Apparently, no one had bothered to alphabetize anything. Which meant going through the entire collection to see if there was anything interesting for sale. After painstakingly plowing through all the records in the first crate, she stood up straight and stretched her back. Damn, she was beginning to feel like the hunchback of Notre Dame.

Her eyes drifted to the shop window. Inside, there was even more music for sale. She should check out the CD selection next.

Suddenly, her breath hitched. A familiar-looking someone was bent over the A-to-C section. It was Josh.

He looked up, as if he’d felt the weight of her stare, and Hannah quickly ducked her head again. She didn’t want him to think she was spying on him. Inconspicuously, she glanced up through her eyelashes and saw that Josh was still looking at her. He was in the back of the store and remained immobile, without waving at her or making any move to attract her attention. Hannah couldn’t see whether Ben was also in the store, but he couldn’t be far. Josh and Ben had planned to spend the day together, after all.

Why was Josh staring at her like that? Why didn’t he come outside and say hi? Hannah swallowed and wiped the sweat off her forehead. She felt strange. Grabbing the crate of records, she tried to keep her balance. A buzzing sound filled her head and she felt dizzier by the minute.

And all of a sudden, she knew that this had happened before. She knew it, having the strongest, strangest sense of déjà vu ever. It was like she’d felt this a long time ago. This feeling of longing for Josh, and at the same time, this total sense of separation from him. A sharp, stabbing pain in her heart because all he did was observe her, unwilling to move, unable to reach out and touch her.

What was happening to her? Staggering backwards, she fumbled in her bag to find a bottle of water. Maybe the heat outside was becoming too much for her. She couldn’t shake the absurd feeling that Josh was somehow pushing her away.

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