Today I wanted to change.
Today I wanted to be a better person.
Today I wanted to live.
Today was the day I decided to change.
~~
I constantly felt tired. Always sad. I had the need to push everyone away. I could hardly look in the mirror and admire the reflection that looked back. I loved to hide away in my room. Some nights my parents would yell at me because I got so bad, I didn't talk to anyone. My parents didn't like this side of me. They missed the old, happy and bubbly me. They missed the way I would always smile and laugh and play outside with my brother. We used to adventure outside and create restaurants in our garden. We would make meals out of mud and act like it was MasterChef. We would come inside with mud all over our clothes and hands but we didn't care. That was our childhood and we lived it how we wanted.
These days, though, I'm not so good at living. There was one point in the year where I felt no need to live anymore. I felt like I had nothing to look ahead to or smile about. I had no motivation. No motivation to live. To be alive. I told my best friend this one time at school when she noticed I was my usual self. She told me it sounded really depressing and never spoke of it after that.
Since then I haven't been as sad. I've slowly improved. I hide in my room less and my brother and I have become so much closer. Although I've gotten better, I still haven't reached my full potential.
Yesterday I looked in the mirror and for the first time in a long time, I actually liked what I saw. I wasn't wearing make up. I was wearing a big grey sweater and black leggings. I was wearing my fluffy bed socks and my hair looked like a birds nest. But even though these factors existed, I still managed to appreciate what I saw in that mirror yesterday. And that's when I thought. I can be a happy person. I can change who I am.
And from this day on, I am going to try my absolute hardest to reach my full potential and make the most of my life...
