First things first, this is my book.
I'm writing this.
This is based off the events that happen in my life.
If I were you, I wouldn't expect to see much of Jeff, Jack, or that cunt Slenderman.
Because as I said, this is my book.
It all started on the day I started my adventure.
I opened the door, closing it and taking a deep breath. I pulled out the freshly opened pack of cigarets. I slid one out of the pack and lighting it. I tried to take a deep breath when I realized it was fucking raining. I cursed the gods of the sky telling them to eat a bag of dicks and to let me light my fucking cig. I began to roll around in the mud screaming aggressively when Jack came outside and quickly turned around and closed the door.
I stood up and walked off deciding to start an adventure of my own. I wanted to find true love. Girls find my face alarming but if Jeff can find love, so can I.
I walked off covered in mud, soaking wet. I made it a total of five feet away from the house when I realized, I don't know where to start. The stupid assholes who killed me could live anywhere. So I decided to get some inside from the faceless cow.
Strutting my stuff, I approached the cabin in the woods. Walking into the kitchen I could see Jack, and that hot chick I like to smoke with having some cry baby conversation.
Jacks a pussy.
I can't exactly tell you that I remember what I was doing, so I decided to make a sandwich. And let me tell you, it was a damn good sandwich. It was absolutely the most orgasmic sandwich I have ever consumed. The deli meat left a chillingly beautiful aroma in my nostrils. I laid piece upon piece onto the firm, crusty, chewy delicious roll, followed by gracious amounts of mustard.
My fingers strolled across the completed sandwich. It was almost too beautifully perfect to eat. ALMOST.
I ate that bitch faster then Sky killed Hope. (Too soon?)
A pleasurable groan escaped it's way from my lips, causing my eyes to roll back into my head.
"Damn son, that was a hella good sandwich,"
"Dude....shut up," Jack hushed my from the wall he was sitting on. That banging chick was now asleep on his shoulder, tears still freshly on her cheeks. If Jack didn't tap that, The Lord knows I will.
"She's totally hot,"
He was silent.
"Do you call dibs?" I asked
He continued to stay quiet.
"Sweet then, I get first poke at Heather," a smile creeped onto my face as I looked at the broken girl, sitting in a pile of her own dispear. Sad girls are usually kinky girls.
"It's Hayden!" His words would of hurt my feelings, but I'm not a pansy ass.
"Whatever, she's mine now son,"
"No you can't call dibs on her, she's a living, breathing human being,"
"Well you wanna know something, I'm not living or breathing..." I paused, "technically,"
"I'll protect her from you, you're an awful person,"
"So are you asshole, you kill people for sport."
"You're a fucking elf, end of story,"
"Yeah," I walked over to him, "well I'm an elf with your girl," I put my arm around Harper.
"Get off her, now she's going to smell like stupid asshole now,"
"Yum!" I replied sniffing her hair. Jack was clearly done being my friend at this point and picked up Holly and carried her to the room.
Whatever. He's a butt head. With a hot girlfriend.
That's it...I need to find a true love.
How is it that all my friends find super hot chicks, that can look past their hideous deformities. I mean Jesus Christ, Jeff's a walking shit burger with a big ass smile. And Jacks ugly.
I'm the hottest damn person in this general area, I can surly get a hot babe, who won't actually die.
I strutted to Slendy's room to get some info and probably insult his hideous posture and salami fingers. "Hey fuck face!" I said waltzing into the room.
"I find you're sense of humor immature and lacking humor." He said in his trademark deep voice. Slendy doesn't have a stick up his ass, he has his tentacles to do the same. I started digging through his files and purposely making as much of a mess as humanly possible with no signs of stopping. "Stop you fucking elf." Slenderman said using an ass tentacle to lift me up.
"Hey put me down you lakers reject." I said flailing about with no prevail.
"What do you want?"
"I need to find the asshats who drowned me." I said still trying to get down.
"Why?"
"No reason but to seek vengeance and get laid along the way."
"Fine. Be warned once you see you're murderers, it will awaken memories that have slumbered in you're corpse." Slendy said.
"Whatever now gimme!"
"Fine." Slendy said giving me the files. One guy was located in Texas as a drug dealer and fugitive. One guy is located in New York as a broadway actor and owner of a clothing line. The last guy is located in Salt Lake City as a Mormon father and church elder. Like anyone, I was most hyped for Texas and marked that as the first destination. "Shouldn't Texas be last, it's the longest trip?" Slendy said.
"No no no no no no you don't get it. Texas." I said.
"Fine but I'm going with. To keep you out of trouble ." Slendy insisted. I tried to argue but he refused to listen. We walked a quarter of a mile and decided to hitch hike to Texas. We got to a highway and Slendy shoved his dick shaped thumb out to signal a car to pick us up. A shitty blue Chevy pickup stopped to pick us up. He opened the door and we were hit with the smell of suffer and out of date milk. The man had a gnarly neck beard and a stained tan trench coat that smelled faintly of eggs and Oxi-Clean stain stick. From the looks of it the coat was to far gone.
"Hey there fellas, hop on in." He seemed nice enough. "Where are you fine young boys headed.
