Forever & Always

The slamming door makes the house shake slightly and as he drives away, my body goes numb. He just left mid-argument.

I sit down, my legs turning to jelly beneath my body but I don't cry; I'm fresh out of tears from the last time he left. I try to think of what made him this way but the only conclusion I come to is that it's my fault.

Was I too honest? Did I say I loved him too soon? That's not possible, is it? He said it first though, during our first week living together, he said he'd be with me 'forever and always'. I thought it was sweet and romantic at the time, but did he mean it? I will never forget that moment; we weren't even doing anything special. It was midnight and he was unpacking his clothes while I was making space in my wardrobe for them when he spun me round and told me "I'm so glad we're doing this. It's us against the world, forever. I love you and I'm yours forever and always". Then he kissed me and I felt so happy and in love. Who knew six months down the line he'd stop speaking to me except to argue?

I don't even know where this relationship is going. I thought I knew, for just a minute but I don't anymore. Can you even call it a relationship? Most days we just sit in a silence that cuts me to the core, willing the other to apologise first.

The worst thing is it's my house and I don't feel welcome anymore. It's like he walked in, turned my life upside down and then left. Just like that.

We met on a Tuesday night at a shopping market and he was the first guy I ever dared to walk up to myself. It's a Tuesday now and I know it isn't the same. One second it was perfect and then suddenly it's like I can't do anything right. I'm not even sure what though.

I realise I've been sat here thinking for well over two hours and he hasn't come back so I stand up, forcing my legs to take me to bed. Once I'm undressed, I wiggle right down under the duvet and inhale his smell, wondering where he is.

Usually when he does this, he stays quiet for about half an hour while he drives to his brother's house, then he rings me or sometimes texts to apologise but this time, there's nothing. I spend a while just staring at the phone but he still hasn't called twenty minutes later so I decide to sleep, knowing my dreams will flashback to when he said "forever and always", even though deep down I know he didn't mean it.