STRICTLY PLATONIC, annaka fourneret

5.

"What could i have said to raise you from the dead?" - Fourth of July, Sufjan Stevens

RORY

Its was 11:30 in the morning, 30th of December. Just like the accident on 30 December 2020. 

I was curled up in my bed, crying my eyes out. My dad was away on some sort of buisness trip, drowning himself in his work like usual, and i didnt have any siblings. Nobody who i could or would talk to about this. This was my personal mess, and i was not gonna trust anyone with it. Well maybe just one person. But i was not going to bother her just because this date traumatised me.

Its know that people with mommy issues are clingy and people pleasers, its true. Mommy issues vary in many ways, absent mothers, emotionally unavailable moms, neglecting mothers, or dead mothers.

I sat on the edge of my bed, staring at a worn photo album in my hands. My mother's smile in the picture was bright, the same smile i could almost hear in my mind—soft, reassuring. "You've got this, baby. Always." 

(K/YAPS: i actually sobbed while writing down that sentence, this is actually exactly what she told me)

It had been one year since my mom died, but the hole in my chest still ached, sharp and constant. I couldn't stop needing her. Not even now, when the world around her moved on, leaving me in a space too quiet, too empty. With not even my dad here for me. Stupid work-alcoholics, cant even take a break for your own daughter for 7 fucking minutes. 

My fingers brushed over the photo, trembling. I can still remember the sound of my mother's voice, the way her arms had felt around me. But now, all that was left were memories, fading as time wore on. It hurt, everything hurt. 

I closed the album, wiped my eyes, but the tears kept coming whilst i placed the album on my nightstand. The grief didn't go away. It didn't soften. It just... stayed. 

And hell i wasnt gonna call Annaka, she has her own issues and she doesnt need to be bothered with mine.

ANNAKA

I woke up today, no smile visible. My mom had woken me up, and forced me to come to the store with her, to buy groceries for Rory since her dad is out of town. I just triggers everything in me, does he ever stay with Rory? Even just taking a break from his work for her, to spend time with her?

Im not just triggered because i love her, yeah im not even denying it anymore, but also because she is my bestfriend. She never deserved any of this. Ever. She is one of the purest souls ever, she wouldnt hurt a fly. Only if you consider gossipping insulting and hurting.

"Mom i dont really get why i need to come with you to the store anyways" i complained while my mom sighed, then looked at me with concern written over her face. "Check the date annaka, darling"