All of Taylor Swift's past boyfriends, and current boyfriend, get randomly transported to a private movie theater where they are forced to listen to Taylor's songs written about them while also having to interact with each other. Will they get alon...
"Uh-oh. Does that mean we shouldn't be?" Jake asked, clearly nervous since he's yet to have a song for him but knows it'll happen soon.
Well, one of you shouldn't be. The rest of you will probably have a field day.
"Oohhh, now I'm excited!" Travis said, resting back in his seat and crossing his arms.
Anyway, here's the information!
Song name: The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived Album: The Tortured Poets Department Year: 2024 Song length: 4:05 Muse: Matty Healy
"Dammit." Matty groaned. "Why do you gotta do another song about me before even getting to one about him." He asked, pointing to Jake.
Good questioned, anyway...
*the song starts*
Was any of it true? Gazing at me starry-eyed. In your Jehovah's Witness suit. Who the fuck was that guy?
"Jehovahs witness suit." Travis laughed. "That's funny. Her insults are so clever."
You tried to buy some pills, from a friend of friends of mine. They just ghosted you. Now you know what it feels like.
"I just don't get it." Jonas said. "You clearly love attention so why would you ghost someone who was easily capable of giving you all the attention. Just look at Travis! People barely knew him before his relationship with Tay, now he's a million times more famous and popular than you."
"That sounded kind of backhanded, but I'll take it." Travis replied.
And I don't want you back, I just want to know if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal. And I don't miss what we had, but could someone give a message to the smallest man who ever lived?
You hung me in your wall. Stabbed me with your push pins. In public, showed me off. Then sank in stoned oblivion. 'Cause once your queen had come, you treat her like an also-ran. You didn't measure up in any measure of a man.
"That last lyric was a hundred percent her way of saying you have a small dick. For sure." Calvin said.
"Hey!" Matty replied. "I do not!"
"She said it, not me!" Calvin replied, raising his hands in defense.
"She didn't say it at all! You said it!" Matty argued.
"Come on, man." Calvin said, looking at Matty. "We all know that dick size is a huge part of what makes a man. Her saying 'you didn't measure up in any measure of a man' is just her saying you have a small dick. Own up to it. John over here very publicly admitted to having a small dick."
Matty just rolled his eyes.
"What's an also-ran?" Conor asked.
An also-ran is a term given to people who run in races, but don't place in like first, second, or third, but they still ran, hence "also-ran"
"Oohhh, only Taylor Swift can brutally insult people in the most clever ways." Lautner said.
And I don't even want you back, I just want to know if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal. And I don't miss what we had, but could someone give a message to the smallest man who ever lived?
Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead? Did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed? Were you writing a book? Were you a sleeper cell spy? In fifty years, will all this be declassified? And you'll confess why you did it. And I'll say "good riddance" 'cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden.
Everyone stared at the screen in shock at the bridge.
"Question number two."Conor said. "What's a sleeper cell spy?"
Basically, sleeper cell spies are spies who, to the public, seem to just be living normal, casual lives to blend in, in order to carry out a mission. So she's pretty much saying that Matty pretended to be casual and live a normal life so he could fuck her over in the end and completely change.
"Damn." Harry said. "She's way too smart."
I would've died for your sins, instead I just died inside. And you deserve prison, but you won't get time. You'll slide into inboxes and slip through the bars. You crashed my party and your rental car.
"Now she's saying you deserve prison." Tom said. "This whole song is basically a 'fuck you'"
You said "normal girls were boring" but you were gone by the morning. You kicked out the stage lights, but you're still performing. And in plain sight, you hid. But you are what you did.
And I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive the smallest man who ever lived.
*the song ends*
Everyone sat in silence for a while, just taking in the song in its entirety.
"I'm just glad that she went to you after." Alwyn commented for the first time in a while. "If it weren't for you, most of the album would probably be about me and I'm not ready for all that." He said and Matty just glared at him.
"You kicked out the stage lights, but you're still performing is such a good lyric." Harry said. "It's such a good way of saying that even when you're not on stage or performing to anyone, you're still putting on an act and performing. Which I totally see."
"Can we stop it with the "let's all pile on Matty." Thing?" Matty asked.
"Nope, and besides, this is your song, so of course we're gonna make fun and hate on you."
Before anyone could say anything else an image flashed on the screen.
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Everyone started cackling.
"Oh, come on!" Matty groaned.
"Is this the Jehovah's Witness suit she's talking about?" Travis asked, laughing.
"Oh, go to hell!" Matty complained.
********
Hope you liked this one! I had a lot of fun writing it!
By the way, that part about John saying he had a small dick, I did not make up. He actually did say that😭
Also, I'm trying to decide if I should Do Back To December or ATW(10 minute version) next so let me know which one you wanna read about first!
