Dead Stars

April 25th

Today was terrible.

It started just like any other day. We got up early, had our breakfast, and went to work. Just like every morning, you walk me to work because you and I both know how bad at directions I am and how easily I get lost.

When I got to the café, my co-worker, Alice, was already there waiting for me before we began our shift. Alice was a lot of fun to be around. You, Alice, and I have been out a couple of times to show us around the little neighborhood near our apartment.

Do you remember that night with Alice when we went to the cinema? She told us all about her crazy adventures travelling across the U.S., which made us a hundred times more excited for our road trip. She gave us a list of places to go, things to see, and restaurants to eat in.

And today, just like any other day, Alice and I took orders, made coffee, and talked about whatever.

Café's like the one I work in are the types of cafés that are extremely busy in the morning because of all the people coming in and ordering coffees and lattes to take to work. In the afternoons, it was chill. A customer would come in every so often, but we weren't on our toes all the time.

Today, while we were taking a small break sitting by the counter, drinking our own cups of coffee, Alice talked to me about something different. From the few weeks I've known her, she has always talked about travelling across America and all the things she did there.

We found ourselves talking about relationships. She talked about the people she dated, the boys she fell in love with, and I found myself talking about you.

No, I did not tell her. She figured it out. She said it was obvious. She saw it in the way I looked at you. I didn't even try to tell her otherwise. There was no point in denying it.

Alice once told me about this guy she liked back in college. He was an American football player and a lot of girls fancied him. I forgot what his name was, but let's just call him Jack.

Jack and Alice were really close. They were partners-in-crime as she described it. Exactly like best friends, but without the label. She, eventually, fell in love with him. Jack was one of the very few people Alice had fallen in love with.

"To be with him every single day was a challenge." She told me, "It was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. You're with the person you are completely in love with, but he doesn't know. Sometimes it eats you up inside and sometimes you get the urge to tell him. It's crazy."

"But no matter how bad you want to tell him or how much you want to scream it at the top of your lungs, you don't because you're scared it will ruin your friendship. It doesn't matter how much you love him because at the end of the day, your friendship will always, always be way more important than how you feel for him."

Everything she said, Niall, that's what I feel. Our friendship's beautiful. We've been best friends for years and years now. Seventeen years to be exact. We've gone through hell and back and over the moon in those seventeen years. I value that with everything in me.

And that's what hurts the most. I guess. It doesn't matter what I feel for you. I would rather keep you as a friend than lose you because I told you how I felt.

Timing could not be any worse. Just as we finished talking, you come running in the café. You walk over to the cashier. "Peyton"

"What are you doing here?" I asked you, "You don't get out until six in the evening."

"I know, I know." You said out of breath, "I came here cause I want to tell you something. I don't have much time."

"Then tell me already!"

"Earlier at the shop, there was this girl. Her name's Ysabelle. We were talking and I was helping her fix her radio. And I'm going on a date with her right after work. You'll like her, P! She's pretty, she's nice, and she's sweet. Isn't this amazing?"

I smiled. "Yeah it is."

"Okay," You said with the biggest smile on your face, "Alice, is it okay if you drop Peyton at the apartment on your way home?"

Alice nods her head and smiles timidly. "Of course."

"Thank you." You say. You pulled me in for a hug and kissed the top of my head. "I'll see you tonight, alright?"

I nodded my head, "Okay."

When you left the café, I turned to Alice and she smiled sadly at me. "I'm sorry, Peyton." She said to me.

I just shrugged at her and flashed her the most genuine smile I could manage. "I am too."

-P